Thursday, April 14, 2005

Chlorine Apple; Misc. Files Re: Insect V. Office Lady, Errata

I don't know what sort of candy 'Chlorine Apple' is, but I just heard an advert for it. If anyone samples this product and survives, please let me know. Just curious.

* * * *

Am I the only damncube denizen on the planet that doesn't panic at the sight of an insect, any insect, regardless of it's size or species? I was enjoying an internal rant about how not only is democracy dead ( actually it was a myth) , but so is capitalism. I was a big fan of capitalism. It is, when practiced with virtue and ethics ( wishful) , a meritocracy. Ideally, enough surplus wealth is generated to provide for those unable to do so for themselves - I'm also an admirer of socialism. That's not the stretch that it sounds like, in fact, the two theories are perfect mates. FDR understood social capitalism better than anyone. Certainly better than Alf Landon.
Alf who? Exactly.
Now, what we have is a form of Socialism, except it's Corporate Socialism , and frankly, it sucks.
Government exists to serve and protect the greedy and the avaricious, the ordinary people be damned. Eventually this pack of tapeworm- infected hyenas will devour us all, and then each other. It's already started. I've seen corporate documents so evil they made the hair on my toes
fall out. But I kept my cool and kept doing FTP's.

Until the screaming started. Suddenly Office Lady is standing on her chair, shrieking like the 3rd grade shortbus on it's way to the Ritalin factory.
First thought: I don't smell smoke. That's a plus.
Second thought: Don't stand on office chairs. They spin and roll.

The other Ladies rush to her aid. They manage to get her off the chair before they also start w/the panic.

Damnit, I'm in the middle of drafting a doc. Get up, walk over to the hysteria zone.
Omigod! There's a beetle crawling around- good- sized one at that. It is slightly iridescent and actually quite pretty. Something is wrong with it-it doesn't even flinch or twitch it's wings when I pick it up. It crawls around on my arm a bit, and then stops, as if pausing for breath.
I'm enjoying this diversion, but the Ladies are just agog.
Put it down! It'll bite you! You crazy!

I'm taking this bug outside. This law firm is killing it, and it doesn't even get a paycheck. Unless it works in document storage. That would explain a lot.

Free beetle.

Another one of my talents: rescuing helpless animals from each other.


* * * * *

Ira, my new unofficial assistant at the station, is a freakin' prodigy. She asks questions about everything- verbatim: "I want you to teach me everything about sound". She wasn't kidding. I'm not quite as sanguine about the potential of some of the other trainees. I likee my bong very much, but if you show up stoned to one of my (unpaid) training sessions, I'll consider it a remarkable show of disrespect , and you will not be allowed back. (I can't believe I'm lecturing kids about dope.) Sadly, this is not that uncommon, even though everyone knows the rules. It's a new thing. We'll see.

Wish us luck. We aren't even 5 months old, and we've done a lot.

No comments: