Big Absorbent Anger v.2.0

I could take a jumbo-sized roll of paper towels, cover it with tiny handwriting and it still wouldn't hold all my outrage. There's no end in sight, so it's difficult to choose a starting point.
- How about this "9/11 Freedom March" bullshit? The Dept. of Defense spends millions of dollars on a war rally, invoking 9/11 to do so, in support of our troops - who are fighting a war because of WMD...er...freedom...um...Middle East 'stability...er...cheaper oil...terra-ism...etc. The truth is, no one even knows what the fuck we're fighting for. We do know it doesn't have anything to do with 9/11.
I don't feel like celebrating on 9/11. Usama bin Laden celebrates 9/11. I don't.
I already have a day where I celebrate our Freedom. It's July 4th.
I honor our troops on Memorial Day.
If the DoD wants to support our troops, why not give them better equipment , higher pay and a workable exit strategy.
Oh, I forgot. There is no workable exit strategy.
Golly, but you'd think that the Bushites would've thought about that before they tossed our troops into this mess.

The sponsors include The Washington Whore-Post. The WP now says it will withdraw it's support if the event turns out to "political or pro-war" in nature.
Gosh.
A DoD sponsored event spuriously claiming to support our troops, held on 9/11 and cynically designed to divert attention from the fact that we are losing an unwinnable war? How could that be political?

If you wanna support this Motherfucker of all Stupid Wars, please do. Enlist today. Send your kids. Go spread freedom and depleted uranium on full automatic. Otherwise , just shut the fuck up.

Ya know, several years ago I saw aTV show about Clint Black. I'm not a country fan, but Mr. Black has played all kinds of music and many different instruments. He played rock and roll bass for years-they even had a clip of him playing drums-very well- on a Steely Dan song. As a musician, I was impressed. No politics were mentioned.

Now he's a pro-death cocksucking sell-out.

Ever heard of the Rolling Stones? Check the dumpster behind my building if you'd like some of their records. They have a new song called ' Sweet Lil Neo-Con', which Sackless Mick sez doesn't refer to Bush and his cronies. (If it did, he could be banned from performing in the USA) Instead, he's raising money for Gov. Ahnold, a Guv who's even less popular than the man he replaced.
Mick, I'd like to offer you a dead mole and a litterbox, you fucking pussy.

Speaking of pussies, how 'bout that Bush? He's afraid of Cindy Sheehan. With Karl Rove, Scotty Mc Bullshit , Karen Spews and a host of other top spinners, he can't answer one woman's simple question: "What is the noble cause that my son died for?" So he hides. ( He gets a five week paid vacation? That's so French).
Bush was afraid to go to the 'Nam, yet he supported that war. He's got two unemployed daughters-why not send them to this new not-quagmire? It's a noble cause, after all.
He's afraid of Helen Thomas. He's afraid of the free press in general, which is why we don't have one . The press is afraid of him. Cowardice is the only evidence that the Mainsteam Media is 'liberal'. As someone said, "the Democrats insist on bringing waterpistols to knife-fights".
I sent Kerry an email asking for my contribution back. No reply as yet.

And what's up with all the homophobia anyway? If I passed out half- naked face down at a gay pal's party, those evil queers would place me on a couch, cover me with a blanket and let me sleep it off unmolested. Alka-seltzer and breakfast in the morning.

On the other hand, if I so much as blink, you GOP paragons of virtue will steal my Social Security, protect Merck Pharmaceuticals from my Grandmother, draft my cousins, eliminate science from science classes, condone torture without due process, overturn Roe v. Wade, use my drinking water to dilute industrial waste and make damn sure that gas is 300% more expensive than it was when that Clinton scumbag was in office.
Things sure are better since we got a President who likes war more than blowjobs.

----

Friday, I went out with my pal Blee to see a couple bands and ran into an old friend , BugBear (he looks just like a classic bad-ass Hell's Angel) from Baltimore. Tiny B told me he was in town. She told me he'd become (more) annoying. She was correct.
BugBear: Hey Allan! Longtime!

Me: Hey BB! I heard you were in town. Howzit goin'?

BB: Great! What're you doing these days?

Me: Well, I'm doing sound at th-

BB(interrupts) : I'm down here working on a Tom Hanks movie, except I got fired 'cause my van broke down, but here, check out my Union card and this (uncashed) paycheck, and I've got people in Baltimore stopping me on the street to offer me work building movie sets and work lights for Broadway shows and I'm actually famous for my spotlight work and I'd be rich, but I spent too much on this van and...

(He goes on and on for what seems likes 5 hours , but is really only 90 minutes. At first I thought he was coked-up, but he just likes to talk about himself)

BB (cont): ...and I'm writing a comic book- hey, didn't you used to write comic books?. Maybe you could give me some pointers.

Me: Well, yeah. First, you have to-

BB (interrupts again) : I've got this story that's really boring, but then I had this idea...and the first guy , who's like the hero kinda main character guy-

Me (forcing in a word) :Protaganist?

BB: ? Well, sorta, I guess, except he's the good guy. I haven't come up with a bad guy yet, but I did write this thing where the one guy says to this chick... and then he saves her... but it's gonna be funny, like a joke once I figure out who he fights so they can say stuff to each other...

I stop listening and start talking to a pretty girl standing nearby. She's cute and has just the right amount of glitter on her. Turns out she works at the Public Library ( no shit-I have this thing about librarian-types. Women and books turn me on. I guess I'm sick, but I digress)

BB (to Girl): Hey, I'm BugBear. I've got two Union cards and this paycheck and I write comics and work for Tom Hanks except for right now, but check out this tattoo...

Me: Hey Bug? Why don't I set up a microphone on the stage for you so you can tell the whole crowd about it?

He looks at the stage. "There's already a mic up there. If you can get the band to stop playing, I can promote my comic book."
He's serious.
My friends would love that- "hey, you don't mind taking a break for an hour or so in order for my pal BugBear to talk about his unnamed comic book, his broken van ,union cards and vast wealth?"

Pretty Girl laughs. She doesn't know me, but she can spot sarcasm when she sees it. She agrees to play a game of pinball with me in the back of the club. Pinball- not a euphemism- just flippers and jingling bells and now costs 50 cents a game etc. I love pinball and I love smart, sexy women-playing pinball with one is about as good as things get.
Until my Special Olympics Fan Club butts in.
My SOFC is just one guy. He's nice, but he's too smart to be retarded and too stupid to be anything else. I recorded some stuff for a band that he hangs out with and now he thinks I'm some sort of guru or something.
I'm playing pinball with a Very Pretty Girl. She's also cool. Until SOFC starts talking about how he wants to be an intern so that I can teach him everything I know and he thinks he could learn a lot if he spends a few years training with me (what's this shit? a few years?) and he just won't shut up or go away.
I'm playing pinball with a Very Pretty Girl and her first impression is that all my friends are either drunken fuckwits or drooling halfwits.
She left while SOFC was prattling on about how confusing microphones are.
I didn't even get her number.

Never , ever interrupt me when I'm playing pinball with a sexy librarian.