Filename: Dirty Little Fingers

It occurs to me that most of my recent jobs have given me access to other people's personal data and stuff- first the Census, then Big Insurance ,followed by The Bank and now- a Law Firm. I can't give any details about anything from anywhere to anyone at any time. Really.
I wonder if that's why I'm so inclined to spill my guts here- I'm carrying the secrets of a thousand lives everywhere I go- consequence or side-effect, my own life becomes an open blog.
Makes sense. Moron Simple Sense.
Sorta.
("Yes, damn it! The fucking inkblot looks like a fucking butterfly! I am not giving you what you want to hear! It looks like a butterfly-it really does!"- very young me, vouching for my own sanity,circa 1982)


Sometimes you don't really need details-it's all spelled out in the titles. Somewhere, there's a huuuge warehouse where a bunch of sad bastards have stored- and are now scanning-10 years worth of legal documents . (I'd wager 100 to one that this work is done by temps).

What I see on the screen is something similar to:

Client: xxxxxxx ( xxxxxx v.yyyyy)
Xxxyyyx Matter # : %%%%%% (xxyyxxyy)
Sub-Matter xxxxyyyyy:%%%%%%%%%%%% etc...

Sometimes it's funny: Here's one with the title "Penile Implant Matter"- it includes a sub-matter:Deposition of Dr. ( first AND last name synonymous with penis) , M.D.
It went on& on &on: SubMatter: Exhibit A-Erectile Dysfunction Presentation (Video) -Dr. (synonymous with penis), MD.
Dr. (swp's) Medical Records (copies i&ii)/----'s Penile Implant Surgery (permanently destroyed by shredding)

(I hope the red flag referred to the file)

And a hundred more, just like it.
I was laughing so loud that my Boss came over and asked me if I was OK.


Sometimes it's not so funny. Last week I saw a file index that (abridged) read like:

Mr.---'s psychiatric/medical history

--- ER- mm/dd/yy

--- ER - mm/dd/yy (2 days later)
---'s Medical Records, xxxx

'---' evaluation of DR.xxxxx
---ER -mm/dd/yy
----City Police, incident #@@@@

---'s Medications chronology and atty notes

---ER -mm/etc


a lot more ER files later...

---Coroner's report

---Photos: Exh12 -16 ( occurrence, including weapon used in suicide)

From merely reading the titles, the tragic drama of ---'s unlivable life unfolds. The details, like reasons and meanings, are exactly what they need to be: unknown, yet not wholly unfamiliar. A big-ass Generic File Folder of Life and the Problems That Outlived Mr.---.

It's like running fingers through the last ,desperate days of someone else's lifetime. Unwashed hands not leaving dirt, merely exchanging it.
I wonder if Mr. --- ever had any happy moments, a smiling photo taken in a place only visted once, a cheerful doodle on a phonebook somewhere ,anything considered precious and saved , anywhere by anyone- or if it's only the bad times that got archived- stored and and scanned by strangers, for strangers.

Some people have more pictures taken of them after their death than before it.