Spontaneous Erosion

I've been to Sunday School exactly once, back in the 3rd (4th?) grade. By the time class was over, I'd pretty much figured this out.
As a child, I was a huuugge dinosaur fanatic - watching movies, I'd get indignant when Pteranodon was portrayed as Pterodactyl or cavemen were hanging with the dinos. I could rattle off the chronology of epochs that I can't even spell today.
My dinosaur obsession clashed with my teacher's spiel about Eden, and one of the "grown-up" books that I had read had pointed out that characters in the Bible were prone to living for centuries, begetting and begatting the entire time. Whooo! (I wanna be 600 years old and still "having knowledge"...)
What about the dinosaurs?
What about the really old people?
These are the kind of questions that get a kid disinvited from Sunday school.

It seems like there's a subtext of resigned condescension to this latest papal proclamation, as if the Holy See was saying, "look, we know most of you get it already, but just in case you missed it, here it is in a simple-to-understand form".
Ever been in a class with someone who keeps asking variations of the same question about a concept or lesson that everyone else understands?
Geez, I've hardly ever been in class at all, but when I was , there was always a kid like that.
Biblical literalists remind me of that kid.

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Hey Mr. Preznit! I work at a law firm! Can I be a judge? I'd settle for Traffic Court- I promise
that Jenna and Barb will never experience the same DUI unpleasantness that you have.

I've worked at a bank- can I replace Alan Greenspan? Actually, I probably should, as I think he's been dead for at least ten years-I mean, holyshit- look at his skully head... Greenspan's a a man of amazingly overrated ability and importance. His steadfast opinions on policy: ("tax cuts will promote growth" OR "the lost revenue[resulting from] the recent tax cuts threatens the long-term solvency of the nation as a whole" ) are impressive. Which is it?
You're doing a heckuva job, Greenie.

I've checked ID's at a club before. I was corrupt and incompetent, letting in pretty girls who had obviously fake ID's. Any openings in Homeland Security? Damn skippy there's openings in Homeland Security- the kind of openings found in swiss cheese and hula hoops, that is.

I've managed retail stores and restaurant kitchens and taken lots of drugs. How 'bout a gig with the Commerce Dept. or the FDA?

By the way sir, rumour has it you've been hitting the sauce again. Please know that if you start having "drinking thinking" , feel free to call me, day or night. Consider me your personal AA sponsor, so next time you " choke on a pretzil " (I love that euphemism!) call me.

I will rescue you in a New Orleans minute.