I left work in the same mood I arrived-rotten. I've been really cranky lately. I feel like getting into an argument with someone- anyone will do- about anything, but I've no one to quarrel with.
I sorta miss the days when Bush was popular- I could always pick a fight with a Republican back then, but nowadays they just look sheepish and pretend they didn't vote.
I was in such a rush to leave that I left my book ( Isherwood's Berlin Stories) in the office, so there was no reading on the ride home. Just a busload of familar , anonymous faces.
I've got nothing but my own scowl to entertain me.
At the first stop, a retarded older guy gets on. He greets the bus driver warmly. In fact, he professes love for the driver. Well, OK...'tis the season, I guess.
I hope he doesn't sit next to me.
He sits next to me.
"Hi , I'm Danny and I'm having a good day", says the retard, " how are you? Are you having a good day?"
I'm taken off-guard by his sweet sincerity. My foul mood lightens a bit.
"Hey. I'm Allan, and yeah it's OK ,I guess."
"Hi. I like you."
Damn it. It's been a very long time since anyone told me that. He's like a puppy or a little kid. It's impossible to remain angry around him.(Puppies and kids actually cheer me up, as long as they aren't mine)
My mad-on is gone, and I start feeling sad and more than a little empathetic. I wish I could love people in the innocent , unqualified way Danny does, but I can't.
I don't think many adults can. We tend to have too many motives, whether we know it or not.
Pity,that.
Danny introduces himself to the Cute Bus Stop Girl, and her to me. She wouldn't talk to me at the bus stop-at "hello" she'd already got the cell-phone out, finger poised to speed dial for help should I transform into a werewolf or something; but with Danny around she says hello and I find out that she also works in a law firm. Maybe we'll shoot shit later, but right now,Danny's got a story to tell:
He just visited his momma and she's 92 years old and just had her birthday party. His brother is coming to visit tomorrow, and Danny will have to move in with him soon. His brother lives in New York, which is on TV a lot, so maybe Danny will be on TV soon.
"I know I'm a dummy, but there's lots of dummies on TV. "
Amen, Danny, amen.
4 comments:
do you have to use "retard" that way?
No, but I found it to be a useful device to illustrate how quickly we ( or I, at least) judge people based on superficial assumptions, and how often those assumptions turn out to be dead wrong. Sometimes it takes an ugly word to confront an ugly truth.
It's the word that came to mind as he approached my seat. I was ashamed as soon as I thought it, and felt even worse after I realized that this "retard" was a far better human than I can ever hope to be.
No offense was intended.
-Allan
Thanks for your reasoning.
My youngest son is in the special needs preschool program in our school district. I help out in the classroom a lot. My son is being mainstreamed into kindergarten next year, but I have worked with so many children with wide-ranging disabilities over the last two years. They are truly amazing to me, and it just pained me to see you use the word retard in a derogatory way. You are right that many people make assumptions or just don't care for their fellow human beings that are different in any way. As if the rest of us are "normal". =)
I just read your email to me and then re-read some posts from your blog. I really enjoy your blog. =)
The assumptions made about people based on appearances has been more hammered into my head in the last 8 years. I am half Korean and half Caucasian. Take it however you want to, but I was quite pretty. I say "was" because I came down with an autoimmune disorder at the age of 27 that changed my appearance. The muscles in the back of my eyesocket are swollen which causes my eyes to bulge more - think Susan Sarandon but a bit more severe. It changed my metabolism which made my normally lean 5'7" pudgier and my energy level lower. It's caused some growths on my feet that prohibit me from fitting into normal shoes. I have to buy specialty shoes, so no more high heels and the cute outfits that can only be worn with heels. My family and friends will tell you it has dramatically changed my looks. I don't look disfigured, but I do look more unusual with the larger eyes. Wow, do people not in my main circle of family and friends treat me different. It has been truly astounding. I really had no true concept of how looks affect peoples' reactions to you. It took me a long time -years- to regain a sense of my beauty. My husband did not alter his ways or looks at me, he still wants to jump my bones twenty times a day, but it was so dramatic how new acquaintances and strangers viewed me or didn't view me compared to the past, that it took me awhile to realize how much that ties up into one's beliefs of oneself. We trust, give the benefit of the doubt, want to be around, etc the pretty people. Anyway, preconceptions of people based on appearances is something I really push folks and my children on. It really is insidious. What's on the inside is what matters - nice phrase - but it really does take discipline and retraining of thought to make it so.
The same is true of those that may have down's syndrome or whatever ailment that makes it clear they are different. I really do see those kids in my son's class as "Maddy" or "Tony" and I don't see the differences as anything different than seeing a kid out on a cold day without a coat or a person having difficulty opening a door. You'd hand the kid a coat and help with the door, not thinking anything more of it. The number one thing my son Liam has taught me again is joy of life. He is smaller than most his age, and his head is slightly larger, but other than that, no one "sees" anything about him. He's slower to pick up on some topics and language than some kids are. But man, everyone, and I mean everyone, falls in love with Liam after 30 secs of being around him. Why? Because he's bloody happy about life and it's damn infectious. He gets sad, mad, all the range of emotions, but he only gets those other emotions when it's truly called for. Truly. I don't know, but I'd call him gifted.
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