Monday, February 27, 2006

MY 12-STEP PROGRAM GOES TO 13


The Thirteen Steps

1.We admitted we prefer our senses as blurred as maintaining consciousness allows, but decided to quit anyway.

2.Came to believe that only we are responsible for our actions.



3.Made a decision to consider those who claim to 'understand God' as lunatics.

4.Made a merciless moral judgement of others and found them lacking, same as us.

5.Took the fifth amendment and decided our problems were no one else's business.

6.Were ready to accept ourselves as we are, warts and all.

7.Decided that humility is a shortcoming.

8.Made a list of all the people we have wronged and concluded that most of them deserved it.

9.Burned all our bridges, dodged all our bullets and returned our library books in a timely fashion.

10. Refused to take shit from anyone or take the blame for stuff that's plausibly deniable.

11. Took whatever measures necessary to avoid religious zealots and police encounters.

12. Having achieved some slight level of contentment, we decided to force our opinions on anyone who doesn't solicit them.

13. Let ourselves off the hook for fucking up the first twelve steps.

3 comments:

Herself said...

ha! perfect...

Allan said...

the last time I went to a meeting nobody said "keep coming back"

whimsical brainpan said...

Simply priceless!