I get a bleeding rash everytime I hear some hypocrite sounding off about "values" ,"family values", "mainstream values" etc.
As a result, my entire body is covered in oozing, pustulent blisters-but my conscience is clean.
I'm kidding.
I'm not covered in bloody boils and I'm constantly tormented by my past mis-deeds, but at least I don't go around pretending to be some great arbiter of morality and values.
While well-publicized examples like former "Morality Czar" William Bennett (an inveterate whore-mongering gambling-impaired alcoholic) immediately come to mind when discussing hypocrites, there are smaller , everyday examples that really get my hives in bloom.
Like Patrick.
Patrick is a stinking twenty-something 'pseudo/neo-hippy' that used to annoy the hell out of me at the old comic shop. Patrick will never have a job, but he's got at least two children by two different women.
I recently ran into Mom #2 at market and innocently asked about Patrick. Ooops! She got red and let loose a vile stream of invective about him. She kicked his ass out because he wouldn't get a job or help with the kid (she has two jobs).
Patrick says working for other people is moral and spiritual prostitution. There may be some truth to that, but when heard from the mouth of someone who mooches off of a single working mother, those words lose all meaning.
Patrick complains about not having any food to eat -offer him a slice of pizza and he'll aggressively criticize you for eating pepperoni.
Patrick doesn't honor his debts- if you ask him to pay you back he starts with a lecture on materialism.
Patrick is one of those unwashed pseudo-liberals that has nothing to offer, yet insists that we should all share.
He smells like patchouli oil and dirty feet. One day his odor was so bad that I sprayed him with air freshener -he started ranting about the ozone layer. Dude, try a roll-on.
According to Patrick, our water supply is so polluted that bathing makes you dirtier. So does soap.
He convinces good-hearted women that he's a delicate flower who needs nurturing and love.
This seems to work, over and over again, which is a real fucking shame because a tapeworm would make a better life-partner than Patrick.
I imagine it's only a matter of time until someone kills Patrick.
3 comments:
hell hath no fury than a woman who's been taken advantage, realizes it, and has a healthy backbone. just ask a few of my exes. i had a Patrick once.
We all know Patricks...are you sure they are really human and not Pod people from you know where. I can just see the Patricks (sorry to all the non Patrick patricks out there) when they are 75. They'll be crusty grumpy bastards in the nursing home who wonder why no one comes to visit and who bludge off all those around them.. no pair of slippers will be safe from them.
There are degrees of Patrickism. some of my sisters seemto have married Patricks who while they work, lob in at home and plop...as if it is their right to be fed, dressed obeyed and also loved?? just because they do a few hours paid work...but my sisters never stop working silly eedjuts
lmao Allan. heh, I would have liked to see the air freshener spray lol. I think sometimes women confuse these types with sensitive real men - needy does not equal sensitive.
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