Last night I was trying to watch the Mexico City Roller Derby Championship on my satellitte dish TV system and all I got were these stories about noisy Mexicans wanting to move to America or something. I dunno- it was on Spanish Language TV ( which is the best place for Roller Derby) so I couldn't really understand the newcast or what the fuss was about.
Since my favorite sport had been pre-empted I decided to do a little research into why all this moving about of Mexicans was such a to-do.
What I learned was shocking.
First, Mexicans do not move to America -they immigrate.
What's the difference?
The diff : Mexico is whole other country than America! They have their own language and a President and everything!
Who knew?
I always thought it was part of Texas or something, but it's actually a foreign country that used to be a part of Texas-or something. I did learn that the "Alamo" is an actual place and not just the beer they drink on the 'King of the Hill' cartoon, but I'm fuzzy on what it's famous for or where exactly it is.
Anyway, since it's a foreign country, we might as well invade them, make them a State and spread some freedom around. It'll be liberating! We already have a New Mexico state, so I guess we'll have to name it New New Mexico, which is kinda sucky as names go. Maybe we could have a contest for a better name. Like 'New Iraq'.
There's like , I dunno , 100 million Mexicans. Mexico has cities, roads, bridges, schools, oil, cheap weed and a punk-ass compulsory service military. It's kinda like America except with Mexicans, different sort of Army and better pot. Why would they have a real army when the US has their back?
Look at Canada- who's gonna invade Canada?
We are!
Jokes on them when we invade!
Canada also has better pot than the USA. This is a clear sign of conspiracy between Mexico and Canada, so we must liberate Canada too- at least the hydroponic parts.
There's some cool stuff in Mexico and it would be a lot easier to invade it than Iran.
Let's pass a law granting citizenship to anyone who wants it, and then pass another law conscripting all the fightworthy new citizens into military service at standard GI pay, which is equal to about eight zillion pesos a week according to my estimate.
We can then use our new army to invade Mexico, where they will build permanent military bases and settle into roles as international peace-keepers and translators.
We can save lots of money by hiring private companies like Halliburton and Exxon to handle the personnel logistics and oilfield work. Finding a labor force shouldn't be a problem.
Hey- I just got an email from my pal Rush Limbaugh- he told me that it's now OK to use drugs in Mexico. I think he's moving there. I've never been tempted to use drugs, but if Rush says it's no big deal, then I guess it's OK. On my next vacation I suppose I'll go to Mexicali and see if heroin is as much fun as it looks like in the movies.
Well, gotta go check the perimeter...
- Red America
2 comments:
And if you need some spare uranium to nuke the place...maybe they have weapons of mass destruction... if you need some our Australian Governemnt is justifiably proud that we are the world's BIGGEST suppliers of URANIUM. no tin pot producing Mehico can beat that baby. So take it from us (please take it from us) we;ve got the bloody stuff oozing out of the pores. Trouble is you all want to send it back when its trashed and the farmers are a bit worried it might just compromise out food producing reputation.
Worry warts!
Red responds:
C -I thought drugs were bad for you too, but Rush Limbaugh (America's Smartest Man) says they are not really bad-at least the heroin-types- and I believe every word he says, including the part where he proves that the U.S.S Maine, the Alamo and 9/11 are all Michael Moore's fault- and that Mr. Moore is secretly Mexican.
Hey- heroin looked really fun in 'Trainspotting'.
MC- Wow- you have the MOST Uranium in the world? Cool! I'm sure that our Glorious Leader will be more than happy to help you re-distribute that stuff! Do you have oil too? We could invade if you do.
Wouldn't all that uranium help to grow produce the size of Godzilla? That's the way it works in the comic books.
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