If you've run out of reasons to loathe lawyers, look no farther than this post.
I've already mentioned in earlier posts that I've caught one of the Partners leaving the bathroom stall and going directly to the exit- bypassing the entire hands-cleansing ritual- twice I have witnessed this!
I'm glad I don't have to handle his documents...
Today I got a double-dose of gross. First, I walked into the men's room and I saw a pair of expensively-shod feet disappear upwards. Someone was in a stall and didn't want me to know they were there. I'm familiar with this sort of thing- I used to hide in stalls and slam booze and drugs back in the day- it's been a long time , though. Years and years.
Anyway, after I was done with my business, I opened the restroom door and let it shut so that it sounded like I left the room, only I remained standing where I was.
Sure enough, the feet dropped back down- what was this guy up to?
Then I heard a faint ' schwicka-schwicka ' sound from within the stall.
It sped up. Oh, godzilla- every man knows this sound...
The guy was jerking off! Amazing, simply freaking amazing.
The worst thing was, I was trapped in that toilet. I couldn't leave without the guy in the stall noticing that someone was there- what if it's a boss? What if he saw my shoes when I was peeing and knows that I know his secret? He'd probably arrange to have my brake cables cut or something...
Another attorney entered at this moment and I took the opportunity to dash into the corridor.
Whew!
But curiosity prevailed. I lurked near the breakroom , waiting to see who the mystery wanker was. A couple minutes passed and a well-dressed, older- 60-ish - man walked out with a newspaper tucked under his arm. I didn't recognize him, but I couldn't help feeling bad for the guy, even if he is a disgusting old man.
I mean, what's the point in being a wealthy old fucker if you have to resort to wanking to the Wall Street Journal in a corporate toilet? Man, if I ever get to be old and rich I'll make damn sure I have a trophy wife or groupies or a mistress or something-anything, anyone-
because the idea of Grandpa pulling his wrinkle-neck in a public stall is absolutely appalling.
Later, I had to use a different stall for a different reason. The little stainless steel platform where I usually place my wallet and book was covered with empty candy wrappers.
Somebody was sitting on the toilet and eating Tootsie Rolls.
Please don't make me explain just how revolting that is.
Goddamn, I'm glad this week is over. This place makes me ill.
Goodbye work, hello weekend!
My weekend is gonna rock- I'd say more, but I'd only jinx meself by doing so- and I prefer to jinx myself in private, if you don't mind.
3 comments:
schwicka schwicka...oh NO, i'm going to have that in my head all day.
lmao! My husband read it over my shoulder too hehe. He then tells me of a story his boss shared with him recently. His boss used to work at a different business, and he said the maintenance guy there was pretty well known because he always stopped to flirt with the female employees apparently. Anyway, one day the boss walks into the mens' bathroom and the maintenance guy is at the urinal with his cup of coffee resting on the top of the urinal and midstream he reaches over, drinks some coffee, and then sets it back down on the urinal. Yeck hehe.
When I worked at Boeing, I had to do work in a lot of different Boeing facilities. One time I was in one of their big hangar buildings and went to go to the bathroom before heading out. It was pretty late and many of the lights had been dimmed. I accidentally ended up walking into the mens' bathroom. There are no doors to the bathrooms, I guess there is a label somewhere at the entrance only. Anyway, once I get in, I am first assaulted by the odor. Then I look around and a chill goes down my spine hehe. It's absolutely disgusting. The bathroom is humongous and there are stalls all around the front of the room and then urinals on the far side. Well I realize my mistake upon seeing the urinals and find the womens' bathroom. Yeah, same cleaning peeps I'm sure, but this bathroom is clean hehe. No strong odor, looking clean. What do men do in bathrooms - spray it around the tiled walls lol?
Eeewww...
S- the fault for the sanitary discrepancy rests partially on the cleaning peeps and partially on the men-
you see, it takes a much longer time for men to get so disgusted by a toilet that they will clean it than it does for a woman- in general.
This the same for work toilets. Weeks can pass before someone actually calls bulding services and asks "what the hell is up with the stinky-ass toilet?"
Women don't wait that long to make the call and the cleaning peeps know it.
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