Cyber What ?

I'm trying something new today: Instead of replying to a comment in the comments box, I am going to paste a reader's comment from my previous post here and reply in the form of a post- s her comment touched on a number of subjects I'd been struggling to connect- ties it all up neatly for me, hopefully it will help me stay 'on point' during the following jeremiad.

The comment:
Allan,
There was just a thing on tv this morning recomending specialized sites like "music singles" or "scuba singles". I dont think there is anything wrong with using the internet to meet people. I would use chat rooms or myspace, but that's just me. (and I'm married, not looking, and yet people seem to find me when I'm in a chat room for something like realestate... it actually gets bothersome)
I will tell you to be sure to look at all those girls who you think of as "just friends" Sometimes the person for you is right in front of you.

The jeremiad:

When things are recommended on TV it is usually called 'advertising'. The stuff that isn't advertising is called 'propaganda'. Don't believe any of it.
I also think the internet is a great way to meet people- it makes sense- it's easier to meet people who share like interests and views ; contrary to accepted thought it's actually easier to be honest on-line than in real life. (For me anyway- I'm a bit shy in person)
On-line, if someone doesn't approve of the real you, they needn't bother with you at all, simply 'click' you back into the Ethereal. You don't even need to know when you are rejected or why, which (to me , at least) is a quite a boon. I dislike those "I like you, but..." moments.
That said, I don't trust those date sites worth a damn.
I do like blog and email , of course. Back to this in a moment...

I tried chat, but I found that no matter what the subject was, I couldn't follow a single thread of conversation- it was just a splatter of overlarge and brightly colored punctuation- are exclamation marks somehow more meaningful if they are used by the score?

I didn't know what a/s/l meant and I certainly didn't know what "cyber" was. The first time someone offered to to " cyber" with me , I quickly discovered that 'cyber' is merely shorthand for masturbating to someone else's imagination- don't get me wrong, I'm not a total prude and I enjoy talking dirty with someone I'm already sleeping with- but the idea of an anonymous exchange of that sort seemed a bit sad and pathetic to me. Not much excitement there.

I'm glad you brought up myspace. I have an aversion to it- in my opinion it's like an ADD nightmare convention run amok- I fear the overwhelming volume of blinking crap and flashing scam ads will cause seizures; I don't like the friends part ; I don't like the ownership; the overt pedophilia is especially disturbing ...but hell yeah, I'll try anything.

I'm desperate.

I've told a real-life friend this plan; I've also shared it with a new penpal (who I've been quite inspired by) , and now I'll share it with the whole world, which, according to my traffic counter, is comprised of only 6 people.

My plan:

I've created two myspace identities. One is just me, as myself, with no embellishments or bullshit.

The other persona is an egomaniac gun-wielding chimpanzee with a marginal sociopathic personality disorder and a perverse fascination for human women.

I'm guessing the ape gets a date before I do.
He gets emails.
I don't.

All those cool girls who I think of as " just friends" are married or gay.

This isn't gender-specific. I was telling a lovely but lonely woman the same thing recently, only in regard to the 'cool' men and the lack thereof...
"All the cool men are either married , gay or me", I said in my typical sensitive and reassuring manner.
Some choices, eh?

Sometimes that "right person" is as far away as Pluto, but Pluto is a sore subject for me right now, so I'll stop before I lapse into an outraged astronomical tirade.

It's a planet, dammit!