The Hunt Is On

OK. Enough of this nonsense.

Time to wake up and smell the dishes. Do the coffee.

I have to face it- I tried and I failed.

I took a big gamble, hoping that a new job would be what I was looking for. I left a secure, dead-end job behind, made the leap...and fell short. I didn't understand what the new job entailed- until it was too late. After three days I felt crippled, after four days I was jobless.

I am not a weak man, nor am I delicate by any physical measure, but I do have limits.

The job title was 'Audio-Visual Installation Technician'.It could be better described as: "carry this wet cement all day".
I am excellent with audio mixers but I am not so great with cement mixers . I'm comfortable with my concrete ineptitude- I really don't want to be any better at it than I already am.

I'm an 'indoors only' kinda employee. Unless it's warm outdoors, which it's currently not.

I thought I could get my old office doldrums job back, but that's seeming more and more remote, so I've started casting my virtual net- what fun! One needn't get dressed to look for work these days, just toss virtual resumes like bottled messages.Send. Wait. Repeat.Send. Wait. Repeat.

Speaking of job titles, sometimes it's difficult to tell what a job really consists of- 'Administrative Assistant', for example-I suppose the term "Admin. Asst." was coined as some sort of feel-good, propagandistic corporate BS, like calling Wal-Mart employees 'associates' or Starbuck's servers 'partners'- semantic obsfucation and aggrandizing, is what it really is. One must carefully read between the scant lines of the Admin Classifieds...titles, titles...so many titles...

...I have never had a job title that I wouldn't have gladly traded for a twenty-five cent raise.

Call the jobs what they really are. When it comes to boosting worker morale, cash is more effective than titles. Cash pretty much trumps everything, to be honest.
Being honest is not good job-seeking behavior, though.

I mentally sort the Admin jobs into various piles:

Traditional Secretary:

Keep the boss functioning. Do more work than the boss, but get paid less. I have 'fallen into' this sort of job before and surprisingly, I'm actually pretty good at organizing other people's mess; but the calling it 'Admin Asst' doesn't change the sexist truth that this is what used to be called 'secretary' and that the 'ideal candidate' is , in most instances, a woman.
The job itself can be good or bad- a lot depends on the boss.

I apply for one of these jobs.

Utter Bullshit:

Some of these ads have 1-800 phone numbers- (ask for Mr. Green!)-others start with come-ons like: "Have Fun! Great Atmosphere!"
Get bent.
If I wanted to 'have fun!' I wouldn't be looking for work. If I wanted 'fun', I'd be calling this a 'vacation' instead of 'unemployment'.
Jobs aren't fun.
You're lying to me before I even apply for the position, but that's alright. I'll pay you back with a falsified resume and inadequate job performance.

I don't apply for any of these jobs. I do make one local call, but I am routed to a 1-800 server and I hang up.
Note: The telephone doesn't seem to factor into the modern job search. Fax or email please, no attachments.

Pragmatic Resignation(Jobs of Last Resort):

These are the desperate temp jobs. I've done them all. File Clerks, Data Entry Technicians, Customer Service Specialists, Call Center Supervisors, Correspondence Assembly Managers...it doesn't matter what it's called, it's ten bucks an hour and if you can clear a paper jam and a cursory background check you are hired.

I compromise on these- I don't apply for any of them, but I do re-activate my account with my old temporary agency.

Seasonal Help:

Have you read Wiseblood?
Remember when the protaganist wraps his torso with barbed wire because he felt that he had to?
Because it made sense to him?
Seasonal work is a lot like that.
I would rather sell my kidneys on eBay-sold by the gram, bit by grisly bit- than have a 'seasonal job'.

Somebody has to man all those holiday cash registers but it sure as hell isn't going to be me.

Applications submitted to this category: Zero.


Everyday I will submit at least one application. I will do this until I land a job or become homeless, after which it's a moot point.