Blind Kingdom

This morning I really didn't feel like going to work. No specific reason, I just felt a little anxious and depressed and was afraid it might get worse before it got better- no real cause for alarm, but I would rather not be in the office when my mood pinwheel starts spinning...there are drugs - legal and otherwise-I can take for this but I don't like to be stoned around people and the Xanax makes me clumsy, as if I were drunk.
Three straight nights of insomnia aren't helping me feel any better.

I was getting ready to call my Boss to tell him I wouldn't be in today but he called me first.
He is sick this morning.

I think he's playing Warcraft and doing bong hits but I don't care- he never asks me for reasons when I call in an absence, he knows that I have the occasional Bad Day- so I'm certainly not going to begrudge him some slack time- besides, I like working alone most of the time. It gives me time to do important things like blogging and posting personal ads on-line.

I'm on the clock right now, in fact.

Technically, I have a co-worker, but he rarely comes into work anymore. I'm surprised he hasn't been fired yet - when I was in management the one sure way to get fired was to not show up without calling, it's a huge peeve of mine- but Boss is nicer than me.

Normally, none of this would matter because it's unobserved by everyone else in the office- we are the Records Dept. and nobody really knows what we do or how we do it,
and that suits me fine. Today, however, there is a problem.

Work needs to be done and the Big Boss is looking for my Boss- who, of course, is not here. So BB comes to me.


"Where is everyone?" , he asks.

"Boss is sick- he called me this morning, and this one...," I gesture at my co-worker's empty chair and shrug.
What else can I do? I have no idea if he's coming to work or not.
It's 10:30 am and that's awful late to not have called.

BB would be turning red if he wasn't already black. He's not into absenteeism.

Watch out. This might get ugly. BB shuts the door so he can talk to me privately.

Instead of the outburst I'm expecting, he tells me what a great job I'm doing and how lucky they were to be able to hire me back. I did recently single-handedly manage a very difficult project from start to finish, but that's my job.
I really shouldn't get such praise simply for doing what I'm paid to do, but that's such a rare quality in today's workplace that my simple competence seems almost miraculous to my Bosses.

Still, I have an unlimited capacity for praise from the BB-and it's a great time to remind him that the company still hasn't adjusted my paycheck to reflect a raise I was given- after he finishes telling me how great I am he assures me I'll be compensated. I'll be 'grand-fathered' and should get a pretty large check in the near future.
I'll believe this when I cash it. I've had company issues before- it's one of the reasons I quit the first time.

While we are having this discussion, the phone rings. It's my absent co-worker's mother. She asks me if he's coming in today. I tell her I don't know, I've not seen nor heard from him.
Big Boss listens to this conversation and makes an important-looking note on his clipboard. I'm guessing it says "fire that guy."

We go over the details of new project and the phone rings again. It's the new Office Manager at an office out-of-town. She's calling me to ask me how to do her job. I put her on speakerphone , answer her questions and give her instructions...this, to me, is absurd. I'm almost as low on the company Totem Pole as one can get- I'm not even supposed to know the answers to her questions, but I do. Why she called me, I don't know, but she called the right place.

BB is stunned. He tells me again how great it is to have me back- that he had no idea how good I was at my job until I left- I provide him with the requisite rhetoric, we shake hands and he leaves me to bask in my own glory.

Whew!

Now where was I....?

I turn back to my computer and I remember what I was working on. Holy shit!

You see, that personal ad I mentioned has already gotten some hits.

In the text of my ad I mentioned that I am a FM DJ and that I like to play a lot of vinyl on my radio show. It seems that Fk_MeSilE, (23, F, bi) has misinterpreted my ad- specifically the part about playing vinyl. I wonder if FM DJ is a 'sex code' acronym for some sort of fetish or deviant specialty- maybe I should remove that info-or highlight it, depending on what it stands for.

At least I think she has misread it...otherwise she wouldn't have enclosed the picture of herself in a shiny rubber Catwoman suit. Not nude, but sexy as hell. One for the 'keeper' folder, heheheheh....
(Goddamn it, she lives in Miami, Florida- that's too far away, even for Catwoman sex.)

Anyway.

This pic was on my screen the entire time BB was lauding me with praise- he didn't even mention it. I wonder if he noticed? Sometimes I wonder if anyone notices anything- I seem to live in a strange parallel universe full of oddities, ironies and flat-out bizarre circumstances that almost nobody else can see.

Usually this works in my favor, so I've learned to sort of accept it...but at times it makes me wonder if I'm really here at all. It's possible that I don't even exist- that I've imagined myself and my surroundings...(note to self : no more Kafka at bedtime).

I just noticed something else- I feel pretty good.

My nerves are steady and I'm not contemplating suicide. Maybe it's the kind words from the Big Boss that have enlivened my spirits, but it's probably the Catwoman pic from Fuckme Silly.

I may be crazy, but I am realistic. Sometimes.

Now...where was I?