Marl Burrow

Do you remember when Marlboro cigarettes had a "Marlboro Miles" promotion, in which smokers would save tiny "miles" coupons from each pack and eventually save enough to trade in for a jacket, tent, cooler or other item ?

One day way back then, a co-worker was hitting up everyone at work for some " miles" .
She only needed 1500 to trade in for a Formula One racer or something .

"C'mon", she'd say, " I know you got some."

"I don't smoke."

"You could start."

She had all these little "miles" chits in a zip-lock baggie that she kept nervously playing with.

"Just 1500, is all I need is 1500 miles..." she'd whine.
It got tiresome.

I grabbed some shredded paper from the Fellowes machine and scissored it into confetti squares.

"Here", I told her.
Dump a handful of this shit in your bag. It ought to weigh at least as much as 1500 miles."

"Why?"

"Because Phillip-Morris isn't going to have people hand-counting 5o,000 tiny paper scraps per envelope- their customers will all be dead before the counting is over. They'll just dump the crap on a scale and weigh it. If it doesn't go "clank!" when it hits the scale, you'll be fine."

"Really? No way."

"Really. Try it."

So she dumped the shreds into the bag and shook it, sealed it and sent it.

Later, she quit, or I moved, or something - but I never found out if my theory was correct. Did she ever get her yacht or her car or her thermos or whatever the hell it was that she coveted?

Today I was talking to a guy at work about how shitty temp jobs can be.

"Yeah", he agreed, "the first, worst temp job I had in Richmond was weighing those goddamn Marlboro Miles!"