April Wine (A Love Story)

My doctor recently gave me a prescription for a pill called Ambien. It's intended to help with my insomnia and it really does work.
However, there are side effects.
One of them is dreams.

Ambien gives me kick-ass weird dreams...not your typical nightmares or Freudian fantasies, but really bizarre, fun and even educational visions.

Of course, this may just be the onset of schizophrenia, but for now I'm rolling with the dream theory.

Last night as I readied for bed, I took one of those magic little pills and didn't even realize I was asleep when the dreams started.

The phone rang.
I answered.

It was my Dream Girl. She was concerned about me- you may have heard in the news about some bad things that happened in my home state of Virginia. I'm not ready to get into it here, but I did need someone to talk to more than I realized.

So we talked.

One of the things I love about my Dream Girl is that she always makes me laugh, even when I really feel like crying...I think I may have cried a bit, but she didn't get scared or hang up; she stuck with me until it was time to laugh again- which didn't take long.

"These pills kick ass", I thought to myself between giggles. "I'm having a great dream and I don't even feel like I'm asleep."

We discussed the childhood traumas inflicted on us by various album covers- their artwork and the packaging...which led me to bring up King Crimson, which of course led to a discussion about the most awesome Canadian band ever- April Wine. (Hey, I already said it was a dream)

Dream asked me about a particular April Wine song. She was very persistent about it - I didn't remember the song and at that point I didn't even know April Wine were Canadian- Dream actually talked me into firing up my computer and Googling April Wine song lyrics, which is not something I would do in a non-somnambulatory, undrugged state.

"Do it!" , insisted my Dream Girl.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes! I don't have a computer and I need to know...NOW! You have to. "

"I don't really want to...", my objections were even weaker than my willpower.
Honestly, I'd do almost anything she asked me to, so Googling crap-ass power ballads from the 1980's was not so bad, all things considered. Women have asked me to do far worse things than that- and I have complied, so...

...against whatever was left of my better judgement I typed the words " I rock myself to sleep" into the search window.

Bam! There it was. Sheer bloody brilliant poetry it was- I couldn't help myself -I began reading the magical verses to my Dream, who started laughing.

"Laugh all you want, woman", I thought, " but you started this. I'm not stopping until I have read every single goddamned lyric of this wretched Poodle-Metal masterpiece to you."

So I did.

Here are the words (even when I'm dreaming, I keep my promises)- with a bit of commentary.

I Rock Myself To Sleep- April Wine

Everynight I rock myself to sleep
Everynight I rock myself to sleep
Everynight I rock myself to sleep
Thinkin' about you
Thinkin' about you

Now I wanna say
It's not the same since you went away
And it's not right
You're not here with me tonite

(If you have heard this song, you will understand that it's even sung mis-spelled. "Tonite"...pft. ...tonite is a suffix, not a word-as in "kryptonite"-duh. )

And it's a crime
Just a lying here wasting my precious time
I'm so lonely and I'm so blue
Thinkin' 'bout the things I could do to you
Everynight I rock myself to sleep
Everynight I rock myself to sleep
Everynight I rock myself to sleep

(Thinkin' 'bout the things I could do to you?
...I rock myself to...what? Huh? What does this mean?)


Thinkin' about you
Thinkin' about you
And I wanna know
Don't you see how you hurt me so
Goin' outa my head
Yeh I'm feelin' it since you left

And it's a crime
Just a lying here wasting my precious time
I'm so lonely and I'm so blue
Thinkin' 'bout the things I could do to you
Everynight I rock
Everynight I rock myself to sleep
Thinkin' about you thinkin' about you

* * * * * * *

"Uh, er, ah..." , I sputtered into the phone , feeling a bit awkward.

"Yes? Yes?," queried my Dream, who was breathing just a little heavier than before- must be from all that laughing, I thought.

"This song...I think it's about a guy, uh, er... jerking-off while he's fantasizing about some chick who's ditzy enough to think that this is a sexy tune."

"Yeah, it's fuckin' horrible isn't it?"

"Um, yeah. So...what are you wearing?"