Wide Stance, Narrow Mind

I'm sure you've heard the story of Sen. Larry Craig (R-Top) by now. According to Craig, his splay-legged defecatory crouch led to his arrest in a Minneapolis airport restroom. Either that, or he was reaching for a non-existent piece of toilet paper in such a manner that an undercover detective felt obliged to intervene. In any case, he got busted with his pants down.
( Query: When you use public toilets, do you pick up stray bits of paper with your bare hands? Mr. Craig claims to. Yuck.)

Not surprisingly, Sen. Craig is an outspokenly anti-gay conservative Republican. He is so anti-gay that the words "I'm not gay" keep popping up on the tape recording of his arrest and I'm sure he'll repeat them when he resigns.

When uttered by 'straight' white conservative men, the phrases: "I'm not gay", "I support family values" and "I oppose the gay agenda" seem to be code for: " I suck cock in public toilets."

Remember this guy?


Even after Ted Haggard got exposed for doing meth with gay hookers he referred to his sexual orientation as a "problem." After three weeks of 'therapy' , Haggard publicly declared that he was cured and that he is now and always has been " completely heterosexual", whatever that means.
Haggard was a rabidly anti-gay conservative who passionately preached against his own secret practices until he got outed by a gay prostitute.


How about Tom DeLay? Sure signs that you are in deep trouble include:

- Having to explain your idiosyncratic style of defecation to a detective.

- Having Tom DeLay defend your honor.

Disgraced ex-Congressman Tom DeLay tried to cover for Craig and his ilk by pointing out that the kettle is also black. Delay's defense of Craig was bizarre. First he said he wanted to hear "the facts" - this is after Craig had plead guilty and the facts had pre-empted hours of cable news, including the GAO report that refutes the Bush claim that the 'surge' is working. He then began pointing fingers at Democrats and the "biased" media ; claiming that the Craig story was diverting attention from our victory in Iraq. What victory? What media bias?
The fact that DeLay is given any credibility at all seems to be at odds with GOP claims that the media has a liberal bias...having Tom DeLay speak about corruption is akin to having O.J. Simpson lecture on domestic violence. They are both experts, just not the kind you want on your side.


Do you know who William Bennett is?

He was Secretary of Education and the so-called 'drug czar' under the Reagan/Bush regime. He lost the ill-considered 'War on Drugs' and subsequently amassed a huge fortune as an author, consultant and public speaker on the subjects of ethics and morality.
In 2003 it was discovered that he had spent a considerable amount of that fortune on Las Vegas slot machines.

Can you see a pattern emerging? I have heard it referred to as "he who smelt it, dealt it."

With this pattern in mind, let me introduce you to Ron Luce.

Watch a chilling video excerpt here.

Luce is a self-appointed messenger of God and his mission is to protect the virtue of teenagers. He is very, very concerned about teenage sexuality- his ministry is actually named Teen Mania. Luce holds Nuremberg-style rallies called 'BattleCry' where pyrotechnics, Jumbotron TV screens and rock music are used to preach his message of abstinence and humility.

He claims the 'secular media' are brainwashing our children and he uses the trappings of a Kiss concert to deliver this message to an audience of chanting, swaying, brainwashed teens.
His justification for his campus dress code (long skirts, minimal flesh) is exactly the same as that of the Taliban- that men just can't be held responsible for the terrible things they might do if they catch a glimpse of feminine pulchritude.

I'm not the inveterate gambler that Bill Bennett is, but I'd wager that the odds are pretty good that Luce's pattern will eventually emerge, if you know what I mean.

Anyone wanna bet?