Friday, February 01, 2008

2007 is Over

The radio station had it's third birthday party tonight- our little non-profit volunteer station has been on the air for three years and one month- our 'real' birthday is Jan. 1st, 2005, but we have our celebrations in February...this year I decided that I would use the occasion to name Feb. 1, 2008 as my personal New Year's day; according to my revised calendar, this past January was part of 2007, a year that was so miserable and unlucky that it deserves a thirteenth shitty month. 2007 had two Januaries and they both sucked. Good riddance.

I admit that I was tempted to skip the party and stay home. I didn't do that. I felt like I was at a crucial point; that if I withdrew from the world now, I might never go out again, ever. It was a jolting realization, so I braved the bad weather and crappy parking and went downtown.

I'm glad I did. I arrived feeling lonely, depressed and hopeless and I left feeling lonely, depressed and hopeful, a significant improvement in attitude. I only stayed a few hours, but in that time I managed to set up a pair of job interviews, was approached by a band about some production work, re-established contact with an old friend that I've always been a little sweet on (she asked for my number, woo!) and had free food aplenty.

After a few hours things started catching up to me...I've been meeting with people all week - at the funeral home, the church, the burial- tonight I was exhausted quickly, but not before seeing some old friends and making a few tentative steps towards the future.

Well, not so tentative, perhaps. My potential employer wants to meet with me tomorrow , hopefully to get me started working post-haste and I'm hoping that my old friend calls soon. After months of illness and death, a booty-call would be positively life-affirming.

Tonight I'm tired. I feel grief calling and I have learned the hard way that it's not something that one should ignore. Tonight I will cry a bit while no one can see me, tomorrow I will start life over.

I'm looking forward to it.


more cowbell said...

Happy New Year, Allan.

Craig D said...

Man, I had the TV on last night and couldn't find Dick Clark's stupid show anywhere. Then I realised it must've been on WEDNESDAY night. D'Oh!

This was a great post you wrote. I'll keep you & your family in my prayers during your season of grief.

Best of luck with all that other stuff, pal!

Auld Hat said...

"...a few tentative steps towards the future" a.k.a. The Bedroom.
(enter 70's porn music)
Oh you go my friend!
I'm half tempted to call you Stella and mention silly things like 'grooves' and how to get them back.
It's a process. But you've got the best attitute for that next step. (big hug!)

angel said...

happy new year dude!!! i think your way of thinking makes perfect sense!!

schlep said...

Is there going to be video when the booty call happens? With respect.. :)

citizen of the world said...

You are wise the let the grief just take over temporarily when it calls. When my brother died, I can remember it would just sweep over me at odd times. I didn't fight it.

Allan said...

CB- Same to ya!

CD- Ha! Yeah, that's it!
Thanks for the well wishes.

Hat- Are you taking that dirty mind to Utah? Tsk, tsk...*leering smiley icon*
Stella would be OK...just don't call me Dave.

Angel- It makes sense to you? You are nuts! Mwah!

Schlep- No.

C- I lost that battle once and it is still haunting me.It's white flag time. Temporarily.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Happy New Year!

I'm glad you went out. It was the right thing to do. I'm also glad that you recognize your need to grieve.