Thursday, May 22, 2008

The Sun : A Bright Spot

The sky will fall on December 21, 2012. Or maybe the 22nd.

There are sites that sorta explain it. One site quotes a real NASA report that states:

Many forecasters believe Solar Cycle 24 will be big and intense. Peaking in 2011 or 2012, the cycle to come could have significant impacts on telecommunications, air traffic, power grids and GPS systems. (And don't forget the Northern Lights!) In this age of satellites and cell phones, the next solar cycle could make itself felt as never before."
The rather alarming headline on the non-NASA site:
NASA Announces 2012 Destruction Probable

Dude! Ahhhhh!!! Run!!!

NASA made no such announcement.
What NASA said is that solar activity, which according to predictable cyclic movements is due to peak in 2011 or 2012, may have a significant impact on modern electronic communications. Losing your Wi-Fi sucks. It is not, however, the end of the world.

The author interprets "2011 or 2012" thusly:
I find it quite a coincidence that this major happening is forecasted (sic) for 2012, as this exact timing correlates to the ancient Mayan prediction of the end of the dimension.
Pardon my English, but "2011 or 2012 " is not an "exact time" at all- it's a vague range of dates. And what does "end of the dimension" mean anyway?


The site will also sell you mp3 files that will give you "Psychic Powers" if you download them-for a fee...I see a rip-off in the future.
That's the bad news.
The good news?
There isn't much future left.
The future, as everyone who isn't me knows, is scheduled to end on or around 12/22/2012.


See, there are some Cosmic Alignments taking place in 2012.

- There will be a Transit of Venus across the Sun, an event so rare that it hasn't happened since 2004.

- There will be, as noted above, an usually active period of solar magnetism; a Solar Maximum, as described by NASA. This hasn't happened since 1958.
We might see awesome Northern Lights and experience really crappy cell-phone coverage.
My advice: Stock up on ammunition, barbed-wire and books.

- According to experts, there will be a Galactic Alignment - the winter solstice Sun will align with the Milky Way's equator or something...NASA is trying keep this information under wraps, which sort of proves that it's gonna happen...the Government Eggheads don't want us to know, but it's too late...the secret is out.
According to expert interpretation of ancient Mayan astronomy, the Alignment will occur on Dec. 21st (or the 22nd), 2012- the final day of the Mayan Calender, give or take thirty-six years.

-My Car Talk desk calender ends on 12/31/2008. This is pretty close to 12/22/2102.
Nine days and four years, to be precise.
Nine
plus four equals thirteen.
According to experts, 13 is a magickal number.
Quite a coincidence, eh?

- This Alignment will place us in the path of a Comet/Planet named Nimburu. NASA recently sent an unmanned probe (code name Deep Impact) to a comet's surface - allegedly for the sake of so-called "scientific research". The real mission was to test the feasibility of planting a nuclear 'bunker buster' bomb under the comet's surface...if successful, this technology will be used in a vain attempt to prevent NIMBURU from smashing into the Earth and turning us all into fossil fuel, just like it did to the dinosaurs.

-Some experts claim that the World is gonna End. This might be true if your life depends on GPS technology...winter of 2012 will be a bad time to be lost in the woods. Even a traditional compass might not work, the earth's magnetic field might be all fuckity...you could try to get your bearings from the stars, but the Earth might be shifted on it's axis, so even if you know how to navigate old school, the stars won't be where they should be...or they'll be obscured by a fiery, toxic, earth-encompassing cloud of post-collision soot and debris.
My advice: Choose your 2012 winter vacation site wisely. Deep underground or off-planet is best.

The 'glass half-empty' crowd can concern itself with the short-term inconveniences produced by a comet-induced global extinction, but I think it's better to be optimistic about such things- every life-smothering cloud of inter-planetary dust has a silver lining if you look hard enough.

To an oil-dependent optimist, the idea of a Earth/comet collision is good news, because oil is actually a renewable resource. Fossil fuels are called "fossil" because they are composed of old, dead things. In the 'big picture', oil is the ultimate Biofuel- it can be made from just about everyone, given enough patience and sacrifice.

Sure, it will be difficult on us , our kids and their grand-kids, but ten million generations from now our descendants will once again have cheap, plentiful gasoline.
They will enjoy this ample supply for roughly one hundred years; after which a comet once again hits Earth, everyone dies and the 250 million-year cycle begins anew, give or take a few years.

Let's take the far-thinking approach.
The driver of today is the gasoline of tomorrow.
Together we can be the future.

Look to the stars.
See ya in the tank.

11 comments:

billy pilgrim said...

i wonder if all the suckers have forgotten the Y2K predictions of doom and gloom. if they have, they'll be ripe for the picking again.

yellowdog granny said...

duh, jackiesue posted her comment on the mark trail post..i need to back off the cold medicine

citizen of the world said...

I saw the last transit of Venus. I was on a big sailboat in the West Indies. We wore those funky eclipse glasses, and it looked like a freckle moving acorss the face of the sun. And then the world ended.

whimsical brainpan said...

This post gives a whole new meaning to the term "getting tanked".

"Losing your Wi-Fi sucks. It is not, however, the end of the world."

Spoken like a man who doesn't have a Wi-Fi connection. :-P

Lyzard said...

The sun is a mass of incandescent gas
A gigantic nuclear furnace
Where hydrogen is built into helium
At a temperature of millions of degrees


Stuck in my head now.

Lyzard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
yinyang said...

We won't have to worry about the price of gas when we're dead, either.

Sling said...

Why does the world have to end three days before my birthday??
..I still expect gift certificates from all y'all!

angel said...

very cool post allan!

Citymouse said...

well it is at least after my son graduates

Auld Hat said...

lol, oh god that was delightful. Although, yes, I do believe that in 2012 something of profound ookiness is going to happen.
I TURN 40! AAAAAAHHHHH!
(runs away screaming)
Seriously though, live it up. You've got 4 years. And we've had this conversation my friend so don't say I didn't warn you.