Thursday, October 02, 2008

I Found One!



Let's see...what to blog about? I don't have any photos of my cats handy and politics is too depressing, even by my standards...hmmm...work? That'll be a winner!

Imagine you have 5,000 boxes of baseball cards like the one pictured above. You have enough boxes to fill a trailer or a narrow, 50 ft. office corridor- in this case it's a corridor.

Each box is labelled with letters and years but there is no pattern to the labels- one box might read: 2005 B-D, which MIGHT indicate that it holds all of the year 2005's baseball cards for players with surnames beginning with the letters B,C and D. Another might read: 2004-2007, A. A more appropriate label would read : Eternity-Forever, WTF.

When you open the box labelled 2005 B-D, the first card you see is Roy Grant's 2004 card and, flipping to the rear, you find Marv Throneberry's 1970 card. If profanity is not in your vocabulary, it should be. Fuck.

You have a list of several hundred names and accompanying statistics and you need to match them with the proper baseball cards- for example:

John Smith Avg. 275 , HR 15 ,RBI 55.

No year is mentioned. Your job is to sift through the worse -than-random boxes of cards looking for the John Smith card from whatever year he hit .275 with 15 home runs and fifty-five runs batted in. John Smith had a twenty-year career and unless you really know arcane baseball trivia, you have no clue as to what year to look for, so you have to read the back of every single John Smith card. Carefully.

Found it already? Wow, I'm impressed, that only took two hours. Now put it back where you found it.

Why?

I forgot to mention that it has to be the Fleer card- not the one made by Topps, Upper Deck or any of the myriad other card manufacturers. Sorry about that, keep looking.

Holy Connie Mackerel! You found three more already?

That's amazing, I was sure you wouldn't be able to find any of them. Now put them all back.

Why?

Headquarters just called and said they already have all the cards they need for that collection. They were misplaced and have been found.

You can stop looking now. We have another collection on the way and we need to move these boxes to make room for it.

4 comments:

yellowdog granny said...

Is this some sort of baseball nightmare?...holy shit!
if it makes you feel better, I have a drs. apt. at 2pm today...so you don't have to come to West and kick my ass..

Allan said...

No, it's my waking job reality. Just substitute "expense reports" for "baseball cards".

Hope the doc fixes ya up good.

Sling said...

I'll trade ya two pictures of my cats,for one Andres Gallaraga from the Rockies inaugural year...I forget when that was.

Allan said...

I'll look it up and get back to ya.