I don't recognize that phone number but I know the ring. It's my imaginary friend, Fancy. I don't want to answer it but Fancy has a siren-like quality to her, as compelling and irresistible as an air raid warning.
I pick up the phone and wait for the bombs to fall.
"Hiya! Long time! How ya been? News bad enough for ya?"
"Hi Fancy. Long time, yeah. I've been OK. You never call when I'm happy, so I guess I must be miserable now."
"Are you saying that I make you miserable?", Fancy asks. She sounds hurt.
"Fuck yeah! I still got the touch!" Her tone of pain becomes one of triumph. I've been played.
"Look, you didn't call me just to prove that you can drive me nuts," or did she?, I suddenly wondered to myself, "so there must be some point to this call."
"Yeah, it's about the Republicans."
"Yep. Well, them and the Democrats. I don't know what to call them...Powers That Be? The Illuminati? Military-Industrial Vampires? Anyway, the Evil White Men (EWM) who run everything are making their move right now and it's going to work, mark my words."
"I hate agreeing with you but I think I do. Explain."
"See, right now, America's in trouble. It's not in trouble because of the falling markets, it's the fear of the falling market that's the trouble. Fear is driving bad decision making. The same people who caused the mess will get hired to fix it. I can tell you how that's going to pan out: breadlines, soup kitchens, dust bowls, angry grapes..."
"Damn, girl. You sure do cheer me up. Thing that really scares me is that the McPalin ticket is a set-up, that the-EWM- wants them to lose the election- Obama will inherit two unwinnable wars, a looted Treasury and the very real possibility of being the Head of a broken State and the Republicans are throwing 2008 to regroup for 2012. Obama may or may not be a good President, but he'd have to be a great one to get us out of where we are going and I no longer sense any greatness...by 2012, the public will be broken in wallet and spirit, desperate enough to vote for just about anyone- by 2012 Sarah Palin will be an experienced Governor and campaigner. She will run on a platform of faith and values, reprising Bush's 2000 themes, which will work again...we will elect the neo/ theo-con Christian dictatorship that we, as a people, deserve."
"Well, yeah. Even if she blows this debate, she'll have four years to work on the spin...voters won't get any smarter but she will. Rove will still be here, the PNAC hasn't gone away..."
"God Rest your soul, Uncle Sam."
There's a pause as Fancy and I share an imaginary moment of virtual silence for the grandest illusion of all, The American Dream.
"Oh, right", she picks it up," I wanted to give you shit about your dreams."
"My dreams? You mean the one where I'm dating a 21-year old Nina Hagen and we escape from East Germany by joining a musical circus and after we get married, she inexplicably changes her name to Greta Drake and starts smoking crack on stage...that dream was pretty cool until she started getting high and seeing ghosts...it was creepy."
"Um. As your subconcious, I gotta say that there are somethings that I don't really wanna hear, alright? Your Nina Hagen fetish is best kept to yourself."
I make a mental note to do a Nina Hagen post soon.
She continues, "I was thinking a little less dramatic and metaphorically than that. Basically, if you are to dream properly, you need to return your balls to their sockets."
"Your eyeballs. They need to go into the sockets in your face so that you can see where you are going. Right now you have them shoved so far up your ass that all you can see is tomorrow's shit."
"Wow. I thought you were going light on metaphor. That one was pretty icky. But , yeah, I see what you mean. I'll be OK. It'll be worth being happy just so I don't have to listen to you anymore."
"Hhaha", she laughs giddily, hurting my ear,"I am so fucking good at my job. Bye for now!"