Friday, October 31, 2008

Yet Another Fancy Call

*Ring*!
*Ring*!

The novelty of living in a battleground state is wearing thin, I think, reaching for the telephone. I am getting truly sick of political calls.

Leave me alone. I can't imagine how anyone could be 'undecided 'at this point, but I assure you I'm not one of them. I can't give you money either. Go away.


"Hello?"

"Hiya! How ya doin' ?"

It's my imaginary friend, Fancy. She always calls when I feel out-of-sorts but she never really cheers me up. Sometimes I think she doesn't like me very much.

"Oh. It's you. What do you want?"

"Jeezus, why are you so cold to me?", she asks, " you never want to talk to me anymore, you never give me your full attention...even now, you are blogging while I'm trying to co- moon-uh-cate with you", she concludes, her voice changing into a petulant whine at the end.

"You are mocking me."

"Maybe. Seriously, though: How are you feeling?"

"Me? I don't know. Confused. Calm.Anxious. Sad. Angry. Happy. Hurt.Hopeful. Depressed. Lucky.Hopeless. Loved. Loathed. Precious. Worthless. Ask me again in five minutes, I'll have more."

"Dude, I don't think I can talk to you for five minutes. You're a real downer. What say we slip around the corner and go get drunk? You'll feel better after we get hammered. At least I will, anyway."

"Fancy", I reply, "you know I don't drink anymore. I can't. It would kill me."

"Well. I guess you can cross "hopeless" off of your list. If you were truly hopeless, you'd be drunk right now...you sure you don't want to grab a Shot Anna? I bet Big Gee would let us run a tab."

"Well. I guess you can cross "hopeless" off. Replace it with "clueless". And yes, I'm sure I don't want a Shot Anna. I have a radio show to get ready for."

"Suit yourself. It's your life. If you don't want to waste it by drinking yourself to death, I can't stop you from not destroying yourself."

"Um...er...right, I think."

"But something's bothering you, isn't it? "

"Yes. It's something that one of my real friends asked me."

"What?"

"She asked me what I used for a support system. I don't go to AA meetings and I don't have religion, where do I find strength when things get bad?"

"And?"

"Well, right now I'm blogging about a conversation with my imaginary friend. It makes me wonder if I haven't gone and invented a whole new kind of crazy."

"Hmmph. Don't flatter yourself."

3 comments:

yinyang said...

That's the spirit, Allan. You don't need other people's crazy systems when you can invent your own!

P.S. I completely agree about the battleground state novelty.

yellowdog granny said...

one persons crazy is another persons hobby

billy pilgrim said...

cats make excellent support groups.