Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Heart Is A Lonely Haunter

Our office is located in an old schoolhouse- built in 1917- and I'm starting to think it may be haunted. At least half-a-dozen of my clerks have, on separate occasions, informed me that they have seen movement out of the corner of their eyes and that they thought it was a rodent of some sort, but they didn't actually see it. I told them that I would speak with building services, but those were empty words, said for the sake of reassurance and little else.

I didn't want to alarm my staff, but I have seen "movement" as well, and it's not a mouse. It's a kid, a boy who appears to be around ten years old, wearing round wire spectacles and dark hair cut in a 'bowl' fashion.

I think he's wearing old-fashioned suspenders, only he's got them on backwards, with the crossed straps making an 'X' on his chest, and seeing as how he's semi-transparent and less than a foot tall, I figure he's probably dead and been that way for a good long while. In any case, he seems to like the area near what used to be the school's stage and is now a storage room, he likes to run backwards from left to right - not in reverse, he moves in the looking-over-your-shoulder-to-see where-you-are-going kind of backwards. If you look directly at him, he disappears, so I'm not sure exactly what he's up to.

There are some questions that I won't ask at work. One such question is: "Who did you vote for?"

Another would be: "Hey, can you see the little invisible boy in the corner?"

******************************************

My cats haven't done anything interesting lately, so I'll blog about what I ate. Fascinating.

Saturday, I broke my fast with a Dominic's chicken sub, served with grilled onions and peppers and slathered in hot sauce. It left me feeling hungry, but I had two radio shows to do first- I have my own Saturday show and I had also agreed to engineer a live performance by Tim Barry (of Avail fame) on DJ Dan's show. Tim was great, it was worth postponing dinner for.

Between the time that I got home and the time I went to bed, I estimate that I ate six large turkey, bean and cheese burritos. Things got a little blurry after burrito number four, but I had planned on making enough 'rito fillin' to eat for a week- but there were no leftovers at all- only the greasy skillet, a dirty plate and a tortilla wrapper remained in the morning, so I reckon I must have ate it all...maybe it was the invisible boy that done it.

Sunday found me hungry. Most days, I have a pot of coffee for breakfast and that kills my appetite until lunch time, but Sunday was different. I drank a pot of coffee and went to the market. When I returned, I began eating and didn't stop until well after midnight.

I think I set a personal record for most food consumed in a single day. I may have some of the items out-of-order, but this is what I ate:

- More than my fair share of fudge samples in the bakery section.

- An apple fritter.

-Four glazed doughnuts.

- Six bananas.

-Coffee, lots.

-Two large grilled sourdough sandwiches with turkey, cheese,onions, peppers, garlic, rosemary and cayenne
(My homemade ones were much better than Dominic's, I must say)

-A 29 oz. 'self-rising' frozen pepperoni pizza.

- A peach.

- An entire half-gallon container of Peanut Butter Chunk ice cream, topped with 1/2 lb. honey-roasted peanuts and a pint of Hershey's syrup. (Eaten over the course of the day)

Half a loaf of sourdough bread- heated, torn into chunks, sprinkled with parmesan cheese and dipped in garlic butter.

-One 1/2 lb. bag of store-brand 'Chex Mix'.

- 6 oz. yogurt.

- 3 white chocolate/macadamia nut cookies.

- The other 1/2 lb. of peanuts (see ice cream notes , above)

-3 large pancakes w/ honey, butter and maple syrup.


I never did feel sick or bloated. As I write this, I have just finished eating an entire pizza and I'm still hungry. I wish I had some ice cream. My diet usually consists of fruit, oatmeal, salad, beans and bagels- why the sudden attack of gluttony? I'm thinking tapeworm.

Below is another list. It's a list of the songs I played on Saturday's show:

THE NEW BREAKFAST SNOB, 1/25/2009

Bedtime Story- In A Cage
The best Israeli Prog-Rock band that I've heard in a long time.

Bad Haggis- Bad Haggis
I wish I had more Bad Haggis. It's delicious!

XTC
- Crowded Room
Big party coming up! More to follow...

Be-Bop Deluxe- New Mysteries
Dudes. The turntables work if you know how to use them. Stop the email madness.


Lisa Maxwell- Harmonic Rock/Out of Sight
I am a sucker for rock chicks. The instrumental 'Harmonic Rock' was too short (1:47), so Lisa got two songs.

Steve Hillage- Saucer Surfing
Dude. The turntables work. I bought this album in 1984 and it works too.

Jethro Tull- Nothing To Say
Still more vinyl. Why do I have 50+ emails about our "broken" turntables?

Motorbaby- So Suprised
Smart, sexy supermodel rock. They said it couldn't be done. They were wrong.


Nijole Sparkis- Everything
Haunting in a good way.

Norine Braun-I'm The One
Oh, hell yeah! Norine is definitely The One. I don't even know what she looks like but I have a Mad Crush just listen'. Every song I've heard by Braun is in a different style, and it's all good.

Crack The Sky- Nuclear Apathy
These guys were big in Baltimore back when I lived in Maryland. I tried to pronounce "nuk-u-lee-ar" in the way of Bush, but I botched it. A caller informed me that I had misprounounced my mispronunciation, which forced me to make an on-air incorrection. Balance was restored.

Stark- Dreams Come True
News to me. I like them.

Jenny Madison- Midnight
I'm enjoying what I've heard so far. Substance to go with the style.

Carrie Rodriguez- She Ain't Me
CR is finding a regular spot on this show. A good thing, that.

Jon Yeager- Great Movies
He's very young but he writes some good Wilson-esque songs and has a great voice.

J.J. Cale- The Sensitive Kind
A truly great and under-rated American singer/songwriter.

Jon Prophet- Like A Train
This guy kicks ass in at least a dozen ways.

Arlo Guthrie- Wheel of Fortune
I love this song. Brings back some good memories, it does.

Elvis Costello- Turpentine
Elvis from last year. Raw and awesome.

Pere Ubu- We Have The Technology
Dude. The turntables work. I'm playing this vinyl as a way of mocking you.

Southern Culture On The Skids- No Longer A Sweetheart of Mine
Mary done broke my heart. In 1986. Still getting over it.

Stranglers- No More Heroes
Whatever happened to Leon Trotsky?

Second Place Driver- Leave
Me like this band. Me play more later.

Geoff Westen- Better Get Started
Also good. More to follow.

Pentangle- Blacksmith
Explain this "duty".

Kristen Cochron- Love Letters From A Fool
Ooops. Did I really hit 'send'? Fuckity.
Great voice though.

Trashcan Darlings- PlayStation
Absolutely awful. I love it.

6 comments:

Craig D said...

Does the phantom kid have a lollipop? The bowl haircut makes me think it might be Herbie.

billy pilgrim said...

it sounds like your body is host to a ravenous alien parasite.

could also explain the strange auras.

citizen of the world said...

Good God - the little ghost boy must have revved up your appetite.

But don't scoff at posting about food - I do that all the freaking time.

yellowdog granny said...

i just left a huge comment and blogger ate it..
anyhow.i think the kids spirit came home with you and is having you eat all the things he never had back when he was alive..
ask him who he voted for..ha

angel said...

aaaalrighty then... have you not eaten for a week? have you been tested for worms? sheesh!

whimsical brainpan said...

It could be you are eating so much because of all of the cold weather. I eat a lot more when it is cold.

I want one of those turkey grilled sourdough sandwiches!