Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Eating Gibberish



 Armed with a fresh cup of coffee, I swipe my ID card over the doorknob  and listen with satisfaction as it *clicks* open, granting me access to the file room where I'm being trained by a soon-to -be retired employee.

I work for an outsourcing company that has moved in and taken over all of Company X's office services, forcing hundreds of people out of jobs nationwide...some are taking early retirement and severance, some have stayed on with the new company, but most of them are just plain laid-off.  I am part of the 'cost-cutting'...I have been on both ends of this merry go-round more than once, I'm afraid. It's terrible karma and I know it's only a matter of time before my company loses the contract to a lower bidder and I'm unemployed again.

If I don't get fired first. The transition isn't going very smoothly. I'm being trained by a tiny old lady who reminds me of my own grandmother in some ways...she's a pack-rat with an alternative non-alphanumeric filing system that only she understands, for starters.

Unlike my late grandmother, my co-worker is deaf as a post. She nods, grins and gives a 'thumbs-up'  to almost any statement, comment or question.

ME: "These yellow files...where do they go?"

HER: (nodding) "Yes."

ME: "No...where do these  with these labels go? Are they filed by name? Or account #? Or date? I can see clumps of  ABC here...but these are arranged by sticker number...these are by date and these are...I dunno? They all look the same, but they are filed in different order."

HER: Picks teeth with finger, stares at ceiling sprinkler.


ME: "Wow. You can't hear anything can you? I'm thinking that this filing system would work better in three dimensions-  that what we really need is a time/space wormhole here- where the letter A is- that reaches across the quantum wotsit over to this shelf two rows away where the letter B is. I'll need overtime approval. And that teeth-picking is gross."

HER: "That's the light switch."

ME: "The light switch?"

HER: Grins, gives thumbs-up.

********************************
At least music still makes sense. To me, anyway.

THE NEW BREAKFAST SNOB, JAN 16TH 1PM-3PM

The Clash- Koka Kola- London Calling-(Epic)
Talking Heads- Don't Worry About The Government- '77-(Sire)
ShawnFarley- Help is on The Way- 5240- (SF)
The Stranglers- Under The Name Of Spain- Aural Sculpture- (Epic)

Vanilla Fudge- Season of The Witch- 45- (Atco)

Cary Grace- Vanishing- Single- (Door 13)

I interrupt this playlist to announce that I'm really happy with what Cary Grace is doing with the first Monday Machines CD. She is producing, engineering, playing a great  many instruments, singing, writing...more...she's also done the website and all of the Monday Machines designs.

Me, I should be playing guitar instead of typing this...I'm  in Monday  Machines too, although I've never actually met Cary or Andy B. and Dave P., the superb bass and drums combo featured on the first MM CD. (And here.) I record my guitars, tractors and vocals here in the USA and use the Intertube to send them to Cary's lab in the UK, where she decodes my musical hieroglyphics using her Rosetta Stone pedal and blends them with  music and sounds  recorded there...it's the best band I've ever been in.

Cursive- Art Is Hard- The Ugly Organ- (SaddleCreek)
Clara Bellino- Swordfish Trombones- Embarcadero Love- (CB)

Astronauts of Antiquity- Breakthrough - Rocket Science For Dummies-(RevCon)
Diana Krall- Temptation- The Girl In The Other Room-(Verve)
T and T- Trippo Nova- (If I Knew I would Tell You)
Led Zeppelin- The Rain Song- Houses of the Holy-(SwanSong)
Dare Dukes- Kick and Holler- Prettiest Transmitter of All- (Starland)

Pretty Things- Scene One/Good Mister Square/She Was Tall, She Was High- Parachute- (Edsel)
Faust- Untitled- The Faust Tapes
Golden Palominos- No Skin- Pure- (Restless)
Firewater- Borneo- The Golden Hour- (Bloodshot)
Peter Bayreuther- Kinder Von Universe- 1997- (PB)
Nina Hagen- African Reggae- NHB-(Columbia)
Stephen Luke- Long Way From Home- No Man's Land- (Sweet Lucy)
801 - Baby's On Fire- 801 Live- (Expression)
Tom Verlaine- Always- Dreamtime- (Warner)

Leonard Cohen- Hallelujah- Various Positions- (Passport)
XTC- Dear God- Skylarking- (Geffen)
Neil Young- Sun Green- Greendale- (Reprise)

*******************************

8 comments:

secret agent woman said...

I want a wormhole in my office.

I worked at a community health center that had a bizarre filing system with charts sorted by color, and certain numbers within the chart number. Oddly, it made sense to me and I would use some of my free time filing charts just for fun. I know.

billy pilgrim said...

better to be the outsourcer than the outsourcee.

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angel said...

No! You will not be losing your job! If nothing else they will be blown away by your wormhole creation abilities.

Love that Leonard Cohen song..

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

wormhole? damn I always thought it was asshole...hmm.

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