Saturday, July 02, 2011

Low Pressure

The future looks pretty bright from where my guitar is sitting but the present keeps pulling the rug out from under me.

Not long ago, I met a woman that I really liked and while my head was still swimming with thoughts of her, I was also saddened by the loss of my long-time friend and party companion Tim M., who had finally lost his battle with cancer.

Obviously, my old friend isn't coming back, but it doesn't seem as if my new friend is going to come back either. And that's OK. I'm saddened and a bit hurt, but life goes on.  If anything, I learned a lesson: only date women with stable lives. I keep forgetting that I'm stable and reliable- I was so drunk and generally fucked-up in the head  for so many years that it is hard to get out of imagining myself as being  any other way. But that is changing-it has to or I'll never be happy.

So my next round of website dates was selected from a very short list of women. Intelligent, very attractive professional women of sound mind, spirit and body. The kind of women who wouldn't give the old me a second glance, much less their phone number. But that was the old me.

I had a great radio show this afternoon and afterwards I went to meet one of the women who had replied to me. She's brilliant, well-educated and funny, she had me laughing and at ease in no time. We had coffee and talked for a couple of hours and have agreed to do it again soon.  At the very least,it was a fine way to spend an afternoon.

Tomorrow I have a coffee date with a second woman. She was actually the very first woman that I messaged from the website I was using; she seems to be good at everything. She is a helicopter pilot- I've always wanted to find a date who was willing to go sky-diving with me, but I'm guessing my next date has already done that. I'll have to ask.

I learned something about dating sites today. My date, who is my age (44), told me that most men our age have a 'search range' for their partner's age that usually cuts off a few years before the man's age. For example, a 47-year old man might be looking for a date between the age of 21-44...a 45 year-old man might have 25-42 listed. My own range was 35-50 and my date liked that, apparently very few  men my age are willing to date older women. She asked me if I had any insight on why that is:

"Because most men are shallow and don't know how to have a conversation with an intelligent woman their own age."

She agreed.

The guys that won't date women my age are missing out. I love women my own age, they've already got themselves figured out by now and don't really need anyone to "complete" them; that and the importance of a shared historical context can't be over-rated.

I also learned something about myself. My past doesn't matter. Today's date is a psychotherapist  by profession, and I wasn't sure how much of my past to reveal, or if to I should tell her I'm actually in therapy at the moment...but we clicked really well and the gist of my story of addiction and brokenness  came tumbling wasn't taken as a negative at all. Quite the contrary, in fact. She echoed what my own therapist has told me- there aren't many people like me out there. She knows what a hopeless addict looks like- it is her job to know- and I'm not like that at all, there is no 'profile' for me. I'm OK with that.

Today brought good music and quality company and tomorrow promises to bring more of the same.

Here's the podcast that proves it.

And yeah...I jinxed myself at the beginning of the show and flubbed a whole bunch of talking and generally got my words and facts dsylexicated.  Happiness trips me up and makes me clumsy but hopefully I'll get used to it.

The New Breakfast Snob: July 2nd, 2011

Rathkeltair- Spanish Chicken

Elvis Costello- Everyday I Write The Book

Jimi Hendrix- Red House

Spirit- Prelude to Nothing to Hide

Bird York- Had A Dream

Peter Ivers- Pursuit of Treasure

Rare Earth- Hey Big Brother

Family- Second Generation

Liars- Proud Evolution

Shadowfax- New Electric India

Sloe Panda- Skeleton

Genesis- I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe)

Area 27- Dancing On The Moon

The Tubes- What Do You Want From Life?

Dresden Dolls- Bad Habits

Triumvirat- The School of Instant Pain

Alice Cooper-
Go To Hell

The Who- Heaven and Hell

Carrie Rodriguez
- Infinite Night


Ace No Face- Snakes

Arvel Bird- Crow

Crack The Sky- Goodbye Mrs. Nature

Green Man- Dirge

Neil Young
- Depression Blues

Traffic - Medicated Goo




can't even imagine what a horror it would be to date again..arghghg

Allan said...

It really isn't that bad. I'm enjoying it for a change.

Judy Bracher Carmichael said...

Pinch myself every day -- beginning to believe (???) happiness really can happen. Wish you boatloads of it.