Thursday, August 11, 2011

Is My Moral Code Written In Invisible Ink?

I have often heard alcoholics talk about how their lives became "unmanageable" when they drank, which is something that I , as an alcoholic myself, do not really fully understand.

For me, the more I drank, the more 'manageable' my life became. Booze made all my decisions for me- except the ones the State made- and I pretty much knew what the goal of each day was- a blackout drunken fog. But that is a shitty goal and it'll kill you sooner than later. Unless you are lucky like me and don't stay dead.

Sober is easy. I'm not at all tempted to drink, no matter how rotten things become.  Not drinking is the easy part, it is what to do with all the sober time that gets tricky.

Take women , for example. Alcohol used to pick my girlfriends for me, and in hindsight it didn't do such a good job on giving me girlfriend-picking lessons. Some I had to learn on my own.

1) After a certain age, sex on the first date is not a good idea. I'm not saying it can't work, but personally I'd advise against it. Nothing lasting has ever started that way for me and the older I get, the more that I want things to last.

2) If your date agrees to a second date and then changes her mind- and then changes it again- things probably aren't gonna work out.

3) Don't date multiple women on the same weekend, even if they are just casual meets.  It is too difficult to focus and you'll just wind up massively confused, poorer and still single. Plus, you are kind of an old-fashioned romantic monogamist at heart...yeah, say whatever you want, but I know what's in yer head, buddy.

4) Don't expect a second date, period. Don't be mad, it just works that way.

5) If you meet someone you really like and you wind up talking while the restaurant closes around you, and that person is genuinely interested in seeing you again, then you should:

6) Cancel your date(s) with other women- honestly and as politely you can - and see how things work out with #5 above first . You obviously like her. She made you laugh out loud, in public.  Dude, you never laugh out loud. I bet you'd dance in front of people if she asked you to- go on, admit it. You would. I knew it.
I mean, you told her how you single-handedly ruined your Senior class high school Baccalaureate and she laughed with anarchistic glee. That is a good sign.

7) Seriously, if your biggest problem is trying to figure out how to cancel dates with attractive women without hurting their feelings, then maybe your problems aren't such problems after all.
Maybe you've actually got it pretty fucking good. She might even like you. If she does, you should be giving life a grateful A+ instead of complaining all the time and convincing yourself that no one likes you. Dumbass.

8) And if it doesn't work out, it really isn't that hard to get another date, is it? You just cancelled two, didn't you?  It's a big desperate world and not many people really want to face it alone, and really, no one should have to. You met plenty of pretty, perfectly nice and intelligent women, but face it dude, you are a little bit weird. Not every woman is going to understand you. (You aren't going to understand any of them, but that is normal, don't be alarmed)


So I just did 5 and 6 above. I hope it doesn't get to 8 again, but I've been there before and it wasn't fatal, it only felt that way. 

I hope I did the right thing. A lot of guys would probably be able to pull off two or three dates in a weekend...I have a female penpal friend (that I met on a date) and she will sometimes have two dates in a day...not for sex or anything, but still...that would be stressful to me.

I'm not good enough with names for that, for one thing.




Citymouse said...

can you give some of this perspective to my 17 year old son?

billy pilgrim said...

that's a lot of stuff to remember when going out for date. i learned to never compare women to my dog. the women lost every time.

Mr. Sensitive said...

CM- Um, suuuure. When I was 17 I listened to everything "old people" told me. Full of respect, I was...hmmm....fulla sumthin' anyway.

BP- Not really. I have lots of extra room for remembering stuff these days.

secret agent woman said...

A sound set of rules. Although I don't cancel dates at the last minute. It seems unkind. I don't often have two different dates in a weekend because of my schedule with my kids. But I did have a three date weekend once and ended seeing the third guy for a good long while. We're still friends, in fact.

Mr. Sensitive said...

C- Hey, hello, goo seeing you!

Actually, when I told my potential date that I met someone that I really liked, she invited us both to her housewarming party next weekend! Very cool and grown-up!

Craig D said...

SO we're "Mr. Sensitive" now, are we? ;-)

Good dating tips, sir.

I married the only female who wanted to date me and we just celebrated our 23rd anniversary last week.


schlep said...

Another quality, heartfelt dispatch from the trenches. Thanks

Angel said...

Well that all made perfect sense to me!
And I married the last man with whom I sat and talked in a restaurant whilst they stacked tables and chairs around us in the wee hours of the morning!