Sunday, June 20, 2004

Holidays Ruin Everything

What could be more unnecessary and painful than spurious holidays? I fucking hate any holidays that involve religion, family members or historic occasions . Unless I get the day off w/pay or gift-wrapped free stuff I hate holidays.I even hate my birthday. This goes double for holidays that remind me that my mom is still dead and my dad's still an asshole. Thanks a lot ,Hallmark. Thanks for bringing up shit I'd rather not have to deal with . Thanks for waking me up in the middle of the night because my goddamn nightmares won't let me sleep. I appreciate it. Really, I do.
There's not enough pills, pasta and pilsner on the fucking planet to blot out the pain and anger I feel when someone innocently asks me,"How was your Mother's Day?"
Or,"What're ya doin' fer Father's Day?"
Don't ask me these questions. Any honest answer would be require at least a mutually unpleasant hour to answer. Who's got time for that anyway?
I do.
Because the sun isn't even up yet and I can't go back to sleep. If I close my eyes I see nothing but drying blood on white walls. I remember holding the coldest hand I will ever touch.
That's what I did this Mother's Day. That's what I'm doing every Mother's Day for the rest of my fucking life.


Sometimes every night seems like Mother's Day.


My dad taught me how to shoplift. He didn't exactly show me how , but sometimes there wasn't any food in the house , so my brother and I would liberate junk food from the 7-11. One Thanksgiving we tracked our dad down at the local watering hole and he took us across the parking lot to a fucking Jack-in-the-Box burger joint. "Get anything you want",he said.
I hate Father's Day and anything else that reminds me of him. I hate anything that makes me wonder what kind of parent I would be. I fucking hate Father's Day.
Can't we just combine the two "holidays"? I'd call this new holiday "Free Liqour to Bitter Children Day". Or "Angry Ghost Day".
Yeah, I fucking love these crap "HOLIDAYS".

4 comments:

Lyzard said...

welcome towelcome to:
no amount of stoned makes you feel ok
welcome to:
this year's alone - brought to you by christmas day
welcome to:
the darkness into which prayin people pray

it's quiet here except for this song
now that everybody's gone
but hey
least you don't have to play along today

welcome to:
something like elation when you first open your eyes
just cuz it means
that you musta finally got to sleep last night
welcome to:
the precipice between groundlessness and flight

it's quiet here except for this song
now that everybody's gone
but hey
least you don't have to play along today

besides which
welcome to:
taking the good stuff down off of the shelf
and welcome to:
the art of conversation with yourself
welcome to:
humming an unbroken tune
all day long
yes it's quiet here
but hey
least you don't have to play along today

~ani difranco

Allan said...

I like that.

Lyzard said...

Listen here:It's called "welcome to:" and is listed under the "Audio" and album "so much shouting, so much laughter"

Anji said...

I can't say "I know how you feel", because it would be a fallacious statement. But I can certainly say, "I sympathize", at least to an extent. I just wrote a letter to my own father, which of course he'll never read, but had a somewhat cathartic effect in that I've been crying for the past hour.