Closure?

I broke down and called Old Flame Lenore tonight. She sounded glad to hear from me, which was a pleasant surprise.
I thought she hated me.
She thought I hated her.
It turns out we were both wrong.

She actually read some of my blogs about her, and she liked them. She said it reminded her of the sappy poetry I was fond of writing on bar napkins and giving to her. Geez. Did I really do that?
Yes, I did. She kept them all.

We didn't mention the elephant in the corner.
She said she's let her hair grow long. I wanted to tell her how beautiful that she is , but I didn't. I mentioned the weather instead of how much I miss her. I wanted to say so much, but I didn't.
I suck.

We talked about the old job a bit, and there was unspoken agreement that we shouldn't see each other again. But absence makes the heart do funny things. Who knows?
I'm just glad we don't hate each other. She's a lot cooler than I used to give her credit for.
It was a good call. That's all it was . Just a phone call to say "hi". Hello. That's all. Nothing more.

But I still didn't feel like being alone, so I walked to a nearby pub (Bogart's) and saw my new pals Robin and Mark play. They had just played live at the station Saturday (their 2nd visit); it was nice to see them play live while the songs were still fresh in my head. They sounded great! They are a nice couple. Working with them is fun. They both have great humour of sense. Mark makes a funny face when he plays the wrong note ( not very often) but he's got such a polished and manic guitar style that the audience never notices.

Robin? She's a wonder. On the surface, she sounds upbeat in a kinda hippie way, but her lyrics often veer into the "negative vibe" zone. Depression, duct-taped hearts, dope deaths and destructive relationships are recurring themes. Great story-telling skills.
Things kinda get lost when the whole band plays though. They played great, but the occasional aimless Grateful Dead beat sometimes just doesn't fit the words. Most of the set was very tight and focused, it's just difficult for me to be objective after hearing Robin and Mark play as a duet.
I tend to get emotionally drawn into the songs of bands that I like working with, which disqualifies me from writing objective criticism.

The audience was groovin', which is good, but it reminds me that no one cares about lyrics anymore, which is bad.

DJ Scott was there too, and we talked about putting together a medium-sized outdoor concert to promote the station and raise funds for any number of local causes. We had bourbon enthusiasm for a myriad of worthy , public-minded causes, but we can hash those out when we are un-pubbed.

The cool thing is: We can do it. The station is getting a lot of favorable press; we have a waiting list of live bands and the ability to promote the show on-air. Having an FCC license will make it much easier to obtain the permits and such that are required to have a legit outdoor show. I like the idea. It's not gonna be Woodstock polooza V9.99 or anything, just a day's worth of regional acts playing for free in front of 1 or 2 thousand people. Hopefully, we can get a private land-use permit from one of our donors. He's a rich and famous singer-but anonymous and a very cool dude. I know who he is.
Hah Ha! It's really a funny (G-rated) story about how I met Rich Guy, but I can't tell you. If he lets us use his land for a concert I can tell, since everyone here knows where his land is and will be able to do the 'ah-hah!'

All things considered , it was a good night, but I'm still kinda lonely and anxious. I feel weird. I usually don't mind being alone, but tonight (this morning) brings an unfamilar and disconcerting vibe.
An undecided sort of feeling. I think something, a change to be sure, a change that's very large and important -at least in a small world way- is getting ready to happen , and that it's up to me to decide if it's for good or for bad.
Whatever's coming, it won't be easy.
I have to make it worth it.
I have to make it good.
Adulthood sure is tough sometimes.

Oh fuck. I'll just say it and hope you understand:

Never say nevermore.

Yet still I long for sweet Lenore.