Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Don't Count Your Puppies Until They Hatch

I got offered a job today. I even started it, but I don't know if I'll keep it. The manager wasn't sure what my pay rate was- eventually we reached the owner on the phone and he informed me that my hourly wage was $8, which, multiplied by 40 and zapped by taxes is roughly 1/3 less than I need to survive- rent , bills food etc, much less live.

I was speechless.

I haven't worked for under $10 an hour since...I dunno. High School?
Yeah, if I sell a $2500 amplifier, I'd have a decent check- that week- but that doesn't happen every week. I'm leery of the idea of commission sales. I love to bullshit in person and on-line, but somehow it just never lends itself to making money. I'm just not a good salesman, I am afraid.

Today I sold a pair of drumsticks. That's about 35 cents commission, think.
I need to have a talk with my new boss.

All I'm really interested in selling is my time. I'm think of revising my resume to read:

Objective: To sell my time to the highest bidder. My time is available in 40-hour weekly blocks on a self-renewing basis. During these purchased block of time, I will do anything reasonable that is asked of me and I will do it well. In return for doing that, I would like to receive at least $500 per 40-hour block and, oh yeah, some health insurance.
Is that too much to ask?

---------------------------------

Geez, the e-search continues to haul in a bounty of spamourus come-ons...this most recent one even admits to being illegal (comments mine):

... On August 4th of 2003 I returned from vacation to discover the company I had started 9 years EARLIER would be 100% out of business on August 25th!

My company was in the business of faxing a daily comic relief news fax to about 8,000 offices in the Virginia Beach area. Offices loved to read it with the morning coffee (they did? we used to hate spam faxes), and we made good money selling advertising on it. But the Federal Communications Commission's new regulation made it "unlawful" after August 25th, 2003.
.
Coincidentally, the FCC passed regulations banning unsolicited 'junk' faxes from being sent to unwilling recipients on Aug 25th, 2003. If the offices were enjoying the morning fax so much, they could have signed up for it- the fact that they didn't leads me to conclude his ' comic relief' faxes were unwanted, ad-based spam.

Fax spam was "unlawful", i.e, illegal- this guy's business was sending 8,000 spam faxes a day and selling ad space on the spams -probably counting every fax # as several 'readers' when quoting circulation figures to client/dupes.

The FCC made the practice illegal because it was tying up business fax lines; wasting gobs of paper, time, productivity and resources etc...eventually enough businesses complained and the FCC was forced to act.

The spam lobby tried and failed to defeat this regulation, and they did get an extension until 2005, by which time the rise of email had rendered fax spam largely irrelevant...anyway, I , like most folks, detest spammers- and this guy is asking me to 'work' for him!
By paying him to send spam for me!
What a great deal.

See, deep down, he's a soft-hearted , sensitive guy who cares about his people:

About one week into shutting down the company, my office manager was crying at her desk, I tried to encourage her, but all she could mumble was, "there aren't enough jobs out there, I can't afford to work for $8 an hour (I know), those are the only jobs I'm finding"

I felt responsible, so I came up with an idea, "Suzy, give me your resume and cover letter and I'll fax it to all the offices that get our comic relief fax" We faxed it to all the offices (that was over 8,000 offices) and we were blown away by the response!
He spammed all the offices that it had become illegal to send ads to, but he didn't send ads- he sent his employee's personal info instead.
I need a job really, really badly, but I'm not sure I want to spam 8,000 offices with unsolicited copies of my resume.

According to Fax Man, you can expect 1 phone call for every 100 faxes you pay him to send out. He suggests sending at least 5,000.
He gives discounts for quantity.

5,ooo fax spams, with a cover sheet on each, wastes at least 10,000 sheets of paper on the receiving end. That's two cases of paper. I'm no Ed Begley, but I am uneasy with such a cavalier waste of paper in my name- my name printed on each sheet!

Is this what 21st century job-searching is all about? Paying spammers to put your resume on their mailing lists? I'd bet that your own info gets placed on a 'for-sale' mailing list as soon as you sign up.

Yep, he will send your resume to one of his many mailing lists. For a nominal service charge.

I'm not even sure if this is legal, I guess it is, but it seems phishy to me... according to his site, the fax will appear to have come from YOU...I wonder if that makes you complicit should it actually be a crime?

I'm sick of all this. I want to work, not send my phone number to 50,000 strangers.

Hmmm...I wonder how much it would cost to fax a Xerox of my ass to 100,000 office drones? That almost might be worth it.

13 comments:

yellowdoggranny said...

well at least keep the job till something else turns up...keep looking sweet cakes..I have a good feeling ...hows your granma?

yellowdoggranny said...

well at least keep the job till something else turns up...keep looking sweet cakes..I have a good feeling ...hows your granma?

Citymouse said...

http://www.paulruschmann.com/research/junk_fax.htm

this site does a good job of explaining the law in snnnzzz snnnzzz oh... sorry I fell asleep. Now, if you have an established business relationship with these people, it's okay. Hope this helps. Um.. you could take 2 $8 per hour jobs, Im about to go there soon

whimsical brainpan said...

I say fax that ass!

I'm sorry the job isn't what you'd hoped for. :-(

AngelConradie said...

oh my friggin word allan... i can't believe you're having such a hard time!!!
so what does it cost to make 100,000 xerox copies of your backside? wouldn't it be cheaper to scan it and email it?

Anonymous said...

$8 an hour? maybe you should try to figure out how to copy dollar bills and pass them off for currency... oh wait, something tells me that is illegal too... damn...

Allan said...

JS- I can make almost as much by not working and collecting unemployment.

CM- I am sure Spam Man does not have an established relationship- after all, he was told to STOP- peeps had the option to sign up for his junk and they did not do that.

Whim- Actually, the store got a xerox of someone's ass in the mail yesterday. Really.

Angel- I'm packing myself into a crate and shipping myself somewhere- it's the only sane thing left to do.

Amy- It's only illegal if you get caught. Ask Olga Korbutt.

the rube said...

8 bucks an hour, can you at least steal office supplies?

Craig D said...

Here's one of the verse I'll be reading at church this Sunday:

Amos 8:4-7
8:4 Hear this, you that trample on the needy, and bring to ruin the poor of the land,
8:5 saying, "When will the new moon be over so that we may sell grain; and the sabbath, so that we may offer wheat for sale? We will make the ephah small and the shekel great, and practice deceit with false balances,
8:6 buying the poor for silver and the needy for a pair of sandals, and selling the sweepings of the wheat."
8:7 The LORD has sworn by the pride of Jacob: Surely I will never forget any of their deeds.

Yeah, $8/hour was pretty good coin for someone to make back in, oh, 1979...

That's what you get for taking your dog in for an ultrasound!

Allan said...

Rube- Nah, it's not the kind of job I would steal from. Anyway, I got fired already, so it's moot.

CD- Given the slipper incident, you might wanna reference Amos 2:6 as well.

My fave parts include the bits about using "fish hooks" on The Man to fuck with his posterity and the tossing of cattle into the palaces...I think God was cribbing from Clive Barker's Hellraiser Movies...good grief, Amos 4:7-12 sounds like something Dr. Doom (or the Weather Wizard) might say in an expository speech. Scary.

Ultrasound?

Craig D said...

Yeah - how else are you gonna count your puppies before they're hatched?

Amos: Holey mackrel, there, Andy!

Allan said...

Oh , yeah! D'oh!

I can't talk about the Bible without sounding crazy, Batman.

yellowdoggranny said...

so what happened with the job?