"It's the best thing since sliced bread."
This expression is commonly used to express approval of some new-fangled gadget or gee-gaw, but I think it overlooks an important truth.
Unsliced bread is usually better than it's sliced kin.
For example, my local supermarket offers pretty decent store-baked breads. They are available in sliced and unsliced loaves and the unsliced loaves are almost always available at 'day-old' half-price.
They clearly don't sell as well as the sliced loaves.
We, as consumers, actually expect our bread to be sliced for us. We are lazy consumers. It wouldn't surprise me if pre-sliced cheese appears on our shelves soon.
Shopping tip: Yesterday's loaf of unsliced bread is just as fresh as today's sliced loaf. As soon as you slice it, it is exposed to air and begins to go stale.
Most commercial brands use preservatives to retard spoilage, but I like to avoid those if possible...of course, with my luck it'll probably turn out that a cocktail of sodium benzoate, disodium guanylate and THBQ cures everything.
Anyway, the bread is half-priced, but you'll need to spend an extra ten to twenty seconds per sandwich on slicing it. If you don't know how to slice bread, stop reading this.
I'm not going to be held liable for the damages resulting from anyone's fumbled attempts to slice bread with chainsaws, explosives, mallets, sabers, two-handed saws or anything else that isn't specifically designed to slice bread.
Hell, I've been slicing bread for decades and I still wear protective eyewear and chain-mesh gauntlets when I perform wetwork on dry goods...just last night, I let my guard down- I was making toast without exercising proper caution - when a sudden draft through my kitchen caused a fine mist of powdered cinnamon to waft across the tiny room.
If a small child with a life-threatening cinnamon allergy had been standing downwind from me at that precise moment...well ,who knows what might have happened?
Thank Godzilla, no such child was present- but they might have been. I didn't check. I was lucky this time, but I will endeavor to be more careful in the future.
Moral : Look both ways before you slice it or spice it.
10 comments:
Unfortunately, homemade biscuits do not keep as well as the frozen kind. I made biscuits yesterday and all the ones that didn't get eaten are now the consistency of a hockey puck!
Not great for eating, but good as an emergency torpedos to launch at unsuspecting children.
You made biscuits and didn't call me? No wonder you have left-overs.
The People's Bread guy, who sells his loaves at both Richmond Farmer's Markets - bakes the best bread on the planet, possibly. I eat slices of it, with butter, for a snack! I, who usually prefer a handful of salty greasy chippies...
The soft husking sound the crust makes when you slice it - sends shivers up my spine.
I'm going down to Oregon Hill to get some right now!
Point well taken. I always am disappointed when sliced bread enters my house.
Pre-sliced cheese? It's already here - with each slice individually wrapped!
Junkie in the bread aisle: "This stuff's been cut, man!"
mwaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaa... we are lazy aren't we!!!
oh how i love bread...
we have pre-sliced cheese in south africa! it even comes neatly wrapped in bits of paper that you can fold open and put on the bread without even touching the cheese!
"If you don't know how to slice bread, stop reading this."
LMAO! If they don't know how to slice bread I doubt that they can read this.
day old bread is one of the few real gifts from god. who eats the whole loaf on day one anyway? and if you make toast it can be a week old and make no difference.
i've heard some people actually buy fresh bread and pay $2.50 for a coffee at starbucks! they must have more money than brains.
Well lets see, I do not buy whole breads .. hell I dont even shop for groceries... but I damn sure like my bread when I have a sandwich... im hoping its sliced or I will have one humongous sandwich.
Ill share it with ya though...
slicing bread may be dangerous.but not near as dangerous as slicing bagels...you could be taking your life in your own hands if you slice it wrong..
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