Oops!

I have jokingly heard masturbation referred to as "safe sex".

That wasn't true for legendary underground cartoonist Vaughn Bode.

He died masturbating.
More specifically, he died because he believed (or had learned) that cutting off a person's oxygen supply at the moment of sexual climax heightens the sensation of orgasm. In Bode's case it was called auto-erotic ass fixation , which I don't really understand- from his artwork, Bode seemed like more a breast man...in any case, it was a waste of a great cartoonist.

Still, I guess if you gotta get caught with a noose in one hand and your pecker in the other, you might as well be dead when it happens.
Otherwise it could be mighty embarrassing.

Sex makes us do dumb stuff, but , crimes of passion notwithstanding, there are ways to have sex without dying. Or if it does kill you, it might take years- and I don't mean from HIV or other diseases- I mean from shame.

This afternoon I was prowling local businesses with the purpose of selling radio ads. I wasn't having much luck with that, but I was enjoying flirting with the lovely young ladies working at some of the shops- I walked into one boutique and was greeted by one of the prettiest women I have ever seen.

She smiled broadly and gave me a big hug! We were old friends, hadn't seen her in years- seven, eight maybe...anyway, she looks better now than she did then and I was thinking
to myself : I would love to see her naked, preferably with that beautiful hair spilled across the head of my bed...

Then it hit me. I have already seen that. Many years ago.
I was too drunk to do anything about it, though.
It was pretty embarrassing...there are things a guy can do to stall for time, but if the dangle doesn't get an angle, that fact is eventually going to come up, so to speak.

There should be a book that teaches one what to do in awkward social situations:

#37: A chance meeting with a good friend with whom you have had bad sex.
What to do?

-Ask them for money.
I tried to sell her some ads. It might happen.

-Mention that you quit drinking.
Find out she's got a S.O. who might be a drunk. Change subject.
Too late...we briefly and sadly discussed mutual friends who have died of drug and drink... however, this was still better than talking about the boner I couldn't get in 1998.

-Give them your autograph.
My friend actually had a copy of my 2000 CD, Extinction, sitting in the stack behind the counter. There were only a couple dozen of these made - I made each one by hand, using a DAT deck for the master and a Phillips stand-alone CD recorder for the copies.
(Time required to record a 70 minute CD? 70 minutes!)
So she asked me to sign her copy, you know, in case I get famous, she can eBay it when I die hehehe...
I was happy to oblige:

Dear xxxx,
Sorry about last time,
Allan C...