Mythic Kitchen #23 (of 17)

"It's the best thing since sliced bread."

This expression is commonly used to express approval of some new-fangled gadget or gee-gaw, but I think it overlooks an important truth.

Unsliced bread is usually better than it's sliced kin.

For example, my local supermarket offers pretty decent store-baked breads. They are available in sliced and unsliced loaves and the unsliced loaves are almost always available at 'day-old' half-price.
They clearly don't sell as well as the sliced loaves.
We, as consumers, actually expect our bread to be sliced for us. We are lazy consumers. It wouldn't surprise me if pre-sliced cheese appears on our shelves soon.

Shopping tip: Yesterday's loaf of unsliced bread is just as fresh as today's sliced loaf. As soon as you slice it, it is exposed to air and begins to go stale.
Most commercial brands use preservatives to retard spoilage, but I like to avoid those if possible...of course, with my luck it'll probably turn out that a cocktail of sodium benzoate, disodium guanylate and THBQ cures everything.

Anyway, the bread is half-priced, but you'll need to spend an extra ten to twenty seconds per sandwich on slicing it. If you don't know how to slice bread, stop reading this.
I'm not going to be held liable for the damages resulting from anyone's fumbled attempts to slice bread with chainsaws, explosives, mallets, sabers, two-handed saws or anything else that isn't specifically designed to slice bread.

Hell, I've been slicing bread for decades and I still wear protective eyewear and chain-mesh gauntlets when I perform wetwork on dry goods...just last night, I let my guard down- I was making toast without exercising proper caution - when a sudden draft through my kitchen caused a fine mist of powdered cinnamon to waft across the tiny room.
If a small child with a life-threatening cinnamon allergy had been standing downwind from me at that precise moment...well ,who knows what might have happened?

Thank Godzilla, no such child was present- but they might have been. I didn't check. I was lucky this time, but I will endeavor to be more careful in the future.

Moral : Look both ways before you slice it or spice it.

Recklessness and Reflection

Lois Lane hasn't always been a good role model for young feminists. The old Lois had pretty much subordinated herself to the dominant patriarchal paradigm, probably because she lacked the intellectual capacity for rational thought. In fact, she was so incredibly stupid that Superman had to save her from destruction every 30 days. In this issue, she's trying to convince Superman to marry her by proving that she is too dumb to live.

If I were Superman, I'd be thinking: "You know, this Disappearing Machine might just be the best thing since bottled shampoo. As soon as the old ball-and-chain vanishes I can get on with the serious business of world-saving. And whoring."

My new boss has the reckless spirit of the original, vapor-locked Lois. Newbie had to go to court today to address her reckless nature- she was nailed doing 70 in a 35 this spring.

"You'll probably get a fine and driving school," I opined.

"But I just finished driving school", she replied. Sure enough, she has a history of reckless driving. She had just finished her sentence from the last ticket when she got nailed with the new one.
Straight outta remedial wheel school and back into reckless abandon...she has what one might charitably refer to as a "slow learning curve." It's my bad luck to have to try to train her to do complex tasks in a short period of time. It's not going well, so I was glad she had to leave for court.
Her lawyer told her she might get ten days in jail as well as fines and possibly even lose her license.
I personally think that chronic reckless drivers should be severely punished, much in the way that drunk drivers are. If your driving habits pose a hazard to people who aren't you, you shouldn't drive. Anyway, she got a restricted (work, doctor etc) license for five years.

I was sorta hoping she'd get ten days just so I wouldn't have to fix any more of her mistakes.

I have reached my limit. I'm going to disappear, but, unlike Lois, it's not going to kill me- it's going to improve me. One day, probably tomorrow, I am going to vanish from the chair I have been occupying for nearly two years and I won't be seen again.

Not in the office anyway. I hope to be seen on blog more often. After a week, I really miss being able to read my fave blogs and sites. I can't even get to email. It sucks.
Right now I don't have a desk or workstation at all, so I imagine I am not going to linger long.
I did get a couple decent-sounding job tips from sympathetic co-workers and one outside friend. I have been 'enhancing' my resume in anticipation of applying to said positions and feel confident that I'll do fine. My years with community radio and the Firm have left me pretty well connected, job-wise. I didn't know that until I asked around, but I am. It's a nice feeling, for a change.
I need a change.
I don't feel like speaking to the Firm or the Company anymore.
I can't do the dead man walking dance and I'm afraid I'm going to do something mean and ugly, and despite the thrill I'd get, I really don't need any more weight to carry.
I need to lighten up. I need to get out.

I'm gonna go *poof* and they will be on their own.

I'm gonna get a better job, take some time off and just plain relax for a change.
Not necessarily in that order.

Until I read the news...

Stall Genie

Got a tough question? Need some covert advice?

Ask the Stall Genie.

No query too large, no questions too small ,the Stall Genie answers them all.

So stop stalling and start asking.