Try Harder With The Next Miracle

In the photo above, two masked wrestlers admire an image of the Virgin Mary that was recently "discovered" on a dirty griddle in the kitchen of a Mexican restaurant in Calexico, California. The griddle, still unwashed, has been removed from the kitchen and placed on an altar in the cafe's storeroom, where a steady stream of pilgrims have been flocking to observe it first-hand.

"It's a true miracle", proclaimed scowling but faithful wrestler, Mr. Tempest.

I desperately wish that I were making this story up, but I am not.

Here is a close-up of the alleged miracle:

It's miraculous alright. It's a miracle that no one has caught hepatitis from eating off this filthy, rusty piece of shit.

I do not think this is a Holy anything. It's much more likely to be crypto-zoological than Divine , seeing as how it resembles a Sasquatch footprint more so than it does an image of the Holy Virgin:



Obviously,the Bigfoot in question was wearing flip-flops , which melted on the hot griddle, searing their soles onto the grill...it appears that someone tried to clean the gunk off by using some sort of caustic cleaner on the metal surface, which is now damaged, corroded and selling tickets like...um, hotcakes.

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A Discomfiting Scene in Heaven

Cherubim (to God): "Gee, Boss, we are losing followers and a lot of people are misunderstanding Your words and goals and doing really, truly stupid shit in Your name."

God (doddering a bit): " Don't worry. I'll cause an unsightly blemish on a griddle in California. That should set things right."

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Uh huh.