Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Carping The Deity

We Need Your Prayers

No we don't. If God is truly omniscient and  omnipotent, then He already knows what troubles we've seen and  He doesn't need to have anything pointed out to Him by mortals. It seems a bit presumptive to try to tell God something that He doesn't know; it projects the human trait of ignorance onto the face of the Divine. It's like writing letters to George Lucas telling him that Princess Leia needs to be rescued. George already knows.

And if a prayer works as intended, doesn't it risk  diverting God's attention away from some other soul who might also need some Divine help?

That question could answered by: God is everywhere, all the time. He can multi-task just fine.

But if he is everywhere, why point out things that are already obvious to Him? He already knows what's gonna happen.

Around and around we go, all the way to Goldfish Heaven.

On Second Thought

 There are people who need all the help that they can get . These people typically work as remote-managing HR supervisors and near as I can tell, the only thing standing between them and Eternal Damnation is prayer- and maybe the  possibility that Hell doesn't exist. 

Today we got an email from our faraway HR boss stating that we- the five service contractors in the office- had to attend a "team building" exercise to "help build morale". This would be bad enough on any day, but HR Puffinstuff  had decided that  it needed to be done on a Saturday so as not to interfere with our office routine. I have a weekly radio show on a local station that I do every Saturday and it would be interfered with to the point of me needing a last-minute substitute DJ. I've been doing my show for four years and not much demoralizes me more than the idea of missing a broadcast, plus the first and only time HR  visited our lonely outpost, she didn't even stop by my cube to introduce herself. I didn't see that  as especially 'team-building'.

If I didn't have a show, I might enjoy the overtime pay, but I know that I'd be incredibly depressed and sullen if I was forced to forfeit  my radio show in order to attend a corporate indoctrination, so I went to tell my office manager that I couldn't make it.

He was a bit dismayed, but not at me. It seems that both he and our receptionist are moving that day, they've signed leases, packed up and reserved trucks.

"I can't believe I have to come in here on Saturday", said my boss "It'll be dark before I finish moving", he noted.  Our receptionist echoed his words, adding that she would have to find someone to watch her kids while she was in here getting her morale boosted.

"The idea of skipping my show and spending a beautiful spring Saturday listening to HR presentations fills me with team spirit", I grumbled. "I'm pretty morale-ified."

 Then I had an idea. 

"There are five of us, plus HR will be here , plus you each have two teenagers, that  makes ten people. With two trucks ready to go at 6am, and ten people, if we all work together and start at dawn, we should be able to move both houses and be done in time for you guys to listen to my radio show...and really, not much builds teamwork quite like moving refrigerators up and down stairs together. "

Everybody laughed, which was a team-building morale-boosting thing, but I was serious. I told my boss he could pass my suggestion along to HR on account of me being confident that she would see my plan was a worthy cause that would raise everyone's spirits.

"She won't come anywhere near here if she thinks she has to move furniture", observed my boss.

" Gosh. Hadn't thought of that." 

My co-workers thought this was pretty funny. We had a good laugh and shared a mutual bond over our shared dislike of HR.  

I'm sticking to my plans and boosting my morale by doing radio.

The Monday Machines CD ships April 17th. Stay tuned!



fecking genius...
the goddess likes prayers cause she said it's a moral booster for your sat. meeting.

Anonymous said...

Bucking frilliant dude!!!
I will not ever attend any kind of company teambuilding thing if its on a Saturday. I have a hard enough time motivating myself to go to the year end function which is usually a smart dinner...

Anonymous said...

As for the prayers... God may be omniscient and all knowing, but He won't just help you if you don't ask for help.

Allan said...

JS- So she hates prayer?

A - If I saw someone passed out on the subway rails, I'd help without being asked.