More of the Not Same

The job interview sure has changed a lot since the good old days. When I was a young man, getting a job was easy- I'd wait until the bars opened and then visit each one, having a drink or two before getting around to asking the bartender, "hey, you guys need any help?". I always picked smaller, privately-owned restaurants and bars and I never had any problem finding work, even during my 'hobo' phase. I had an Amtrak pass and I took a 90-day vacation with hardly any money- I'd stop in whatever town caught my fancy-New Orleans, Flagstaff, Eugene- and get a quick kitchen job, work a few days and move on once I got paid. It really was fun, but I'm not sure if it's possible to do sober- for me anyway.
I mean, I could probably get a decent bar job right this very second if I wanted one...alas, I don't want to work around drunks and cocaine and those two things are an inherent part of bar jobs.

In 1990 I was on unemployment after working at a defunct bar -I was required to make a 'job search' report to the State every week in order to get my dole check. It was a pain-in-the-ass, you had to obtain real names and phone numbers without actually finding a job; something that was a lot trickier in the pre-Internet period.

One afternoon I walked into a comic shop and asked the guy behind the counter if he was hiring. He held up a white cardboard rectangle and asked me what it was. There was an identical rectangle on the wall behind him with a note affixed to it:
BACKING BOARDS 10 CENTS EA.
"Um, it's a backing board", I replied, not quite sure what a "backing board" was...I got hired on the spot. I wound up working there for almost eight years.

Today, my job searches are much different. Lately I've been on a series of failed interviews, including some that were set up by temporary agencies- something that the temp agencies never used to do-and I've found that every interview is now done by a 'team', usually three, sometimes two people. There is an uncomfortable interrogatory quality to being scrutinized from three sides and I have been flunking whatever hidden tests I encounter...aha!

As I write this, I have a theory: I have failed the 'distraction' test.

There is always one person at each interview that is extremely affable, someone that I 'click' with right away- and that person always leads me into a conversation about something that is not germane to the actual position. I have been taking this as a hopeful sign that I will "fit in" , but now I suspect that it was test to see if I could keep my mind on the boring-ass job being discussed. Obviously, I can't.

Today I had to sneak away at lunchtime for a job interview at a legal office. At the firm, one if the three interviewers saw my radio/audio credits and told me who his dad was. His father used to own a famous recording studio. Cool!
I could have talked forever about old studio gear, but I had to get back to my file clerk job, so I stayed on-topic and I sensed a 'good' vibe when I did so. It was a strange dynamic, the youngest of the three, a petite Asian lady, seemed ready to hire me on the spot, she even asked how soon I could start, but stopped short of making a cash offer...the other, older woman didn't say much of anything, she just took notes. The man was friendly, but not nearly as enthusiastic as the younger lady.

There was an inconclusive flurry of feints, parries and ripostes over schedule and salary requirements- this is a lot easier to haggle about when one has a job already, I have learned. It helps to be Not Desperate, ya know? Anyway, I asked for a couple thousand dollars more than my last law job, now I'm wondering if I didn't undersell myself...I'm wondering a lot about this potential job. I hate multi-person interviews and the mixed messages that result, but I did get a tour of the office and saw Obama and Kaine stickers on display in a couple cubes, which was a welcome switch from the starched conservatism that dominated my former office. Seeing those stickers made me want to work there...well, actually it's the health insurance I want, but I'm less likely to have a aneurysm if I'm not surrounded by raving Bush lunatics.

As luck has it, one of my job references dropped by to visit tonight. He arrived right before I sent an email containing said references to the law firm, per their request...I'm glad he did, I was able to update his phone #...it really was a strange coincidence that I saw him. Perhaps it's a good sign, eh?

Things are looking up.

In Defense Of Blog (#96 in a series of 2)

It seems that hardly a day goes by without another lurid internet scandal hitting the news. This hoax led to the suicide of a young girl- it is especially heinous because it was perpetrated by adults, not by other kids. It was done by neighbors.
One cannot help but conclude that the adults- who passed themselves off as a teenage boy- enjoyed the cruel emotional destruction that they wrought on the poor girl- there doesn't seem to be any motive other than pure evil meanness and sadism.

Cable news has created a new "reality" genre- one in which the lowest life-forms on the planet (Internet Trolls) are lured into fake trysts with underage decoys that they met in chat rooms; when they arrive at the meeting place, they are met with TV news crews and , later, the police. Strangely, many of the men (it's always men) have seen these programs, yet they can't resist the trap...and there seem to be an endless supply of these 'predators'. It's disturbing, to say the least.

All of this negative attention makes me increasingly reluctant to discuss blogging with my non-blogger pals, so I'd like to take a minute and point out a few of the positive things that blogging has brought into my life:

Yesterday I had something that I wanted to discuss with somebody- but most of my local friends know each other and this town has an amazing ability to distort gossip- so I called a long-distance blogpal and had a long talk about football, sex, politics, religion and stuff...it dawned on me that I was watching NFL football while talking on the phone with a woman about sex (and football!)- for free! A lot of men would pay for that...

...speaking of paid, I made honest money last week, and I couldn't have done it without my blog. A while back, I got a comment or two from a fellow music fan who had found my blog by googling obscure bands... we exchanged a email or three and it turned out that we live in the same city, so he came down and sat in with me one morning during my show- we found that we live exactly one block apart, small world, eh?
Last week I fed his cats for him while he moshed across England- upon his return I was rewarded with cash, a tin of travel sweets from London and assorted music-related geegaws not typically found in the US.

Honestly, I'd rather clean catshit than work for lawyers again, but I do need to find a real job soon...

Blog also helped me through the long painful months after I got sick and had to quit drinking. I quit cold turkey without any outside help, which is probably the hardest possible way- I started writing about my experiences on my blog and I soon found that I wasn't alone, which helped a lot during the worst of days.
I got hurt a few times too, but that's part of life, ya know? Stronger for it and all that...yeah.

I've been blogging nearly four years, which is a long time by blog standards. There's a big world out there that doesn't involve blogging, and I've had a slow, difficult time adjusting to it since I quit drinking- that sort of change just doesn't happen overnight- things have been really rough lately but I haven't started drinking again, so I feel like some real progress has been made...but I've also started slacking on my blog as I get more involved with real life; it's as if blog is a sort of therapy for me ( I know I'm not alone in this) and maybe, just maybe I don't need therapy as badly as I once did.
At least I hope that there is some truth in that.

Anyway, this isn't the end, not yet...I've come close to deleting this blog many,many times... something always keeps me from doing so. I've had at least a half-dozen other blogs over the last few years and never formed any sort of attachment to or from them, but this one has survived every purge, weathered every storm...and there's an election year coming up, so I imagine my political outrage will keep me on-line to some degree, but things are changing for me. There are things happening I don't feel like blogging about- perhaps they'll be fodder for future posts, perhaps not...

I've been becoming more interested in writing fiction, but I find that blog is a terrible platform for long, serialized fiction- the chapters are presented to the reader in reverse order- and the reader, unless they are well-versed in the logistics of blog, often doesn't realize this, entering in the middle or at the end...one of the first blogs I read was like that.
It wasn't until the author printed out the entire blog in manuscript form and mailed it to me that I caught on- it was excellent...that seems so long ago , but it's the sort of thing that keeps me coming back to blogworld- one of the finest unpublished writers I've ever read once sent me an entire manuscript- that never woulda happened without my own blog.
Strange things can happen- sometimes that includes good things.

Hmm...it occurs to me that I am giving myself a pep talk- and that means :

Puppies!

See ya soon.

My Back Pages

"Why do you have porn on your computer?"

"That's not porn. That's Betty Page."

"Well, I think you're a perv and that picture is degrading to women."

"You do? Fine. I'll delete the damn thing...there...happy?"

"You idiot. I was only kidding. I love Betty Page."

------------------------------------

What a week. I've been splitting time between being bored and unproductive and being manic and over-reactive. And just plain depressed.
I need radio. Lots of radio. Six hours of radio.



Thursday:


Atomic Rooster- Intro/Breathless

Grace Slick- Silver Spoon

Be Bop Deluxe- Sister Seagull

Oingo Boingo- Dead or Alive

Mike Watt- Against the 70's
Most of the songs in this set are from the 70's.

10 CC- Rubber Bullets

Larry Graham- Water

Steve Hillage- New Age Synthesis/Unzipping the Zype

Katie Lee- Will to Fail

Marianne Faithfull- Broken English
What are we fighting for? It's not my security

James Brown- Living in America

Lou Reed - America

Nina Hagen- African Reggae
Nina Hagen fled East Germany back when that meant something.

Joe Strummer- Coma Girl

Arctic Monkeys- Look Good on the Dance Floor

Spoon- Everything Hits at Once

Cardiacs- Buds and Spawn

P.J. Harvey- Long Snake Moan

Damien Dempsey- Marching Season

Neil Young- Vampire Blues

Allan - In the System
Check me out. I'm on the radio.

Peter Tosh- No Nuclear War

Kinks- Gotta Be Free

Blue Oyster Cult- Godzilla

Ray Manzarek -Begin the World Again

Gary Numan- Slow, very slow...oops

X- When our Passed Out on the Couch

Flaming Groovies - High Flyin' Baby

Polite Society- William Whitelowe
This is one of my old bands. I'm on the radio again.

Jethro Tull - Hymn 43
Amen!

Neil Young- Powderfinger

Drive-By Truckers-Ronnie and Neil
'Powderfinger' followed by the DBT's 'Ronnie and Neil'. Get it? Sigh. Never mind.


Steve Hillage- 1988 Aktivator
Dude called: "Who was that? I loved it!" I live for calls like that. Pretty sad for me eh?

Ramones- Today Your Love, Tomorrow the World

Black Sabbath - A National Acrobat

Soft Boys- Rock and Roll Toilet

Stranglers- Nice and Sleazy

Frank Zappa- Excentrifugal Forz/Apostrophe

Pretty Things- All Light Up!
I played an anti-smoking PSA and then segued into this song, which features a chorus of English schoolchildren chanting "All Light Up!" over and over again. Tsk.

Crack the Sky - Lighten up McGraw

Agony Column- Mississippi Queen

John Cale-Mercenaries (Ready for War)
Nowadays we call them 'contractors'.

Sex Pistols- Sub-Mission

Cop Shoot Cop- Two at a Time

Motorhead- I Don't Believe a Word

X-Soul Kitchen
A Doors cover- Doors keyboardist Ray Manzarek produced and played on this seminal L.A. Punk album.

Paw- Max the Silent
Based on a character from Andrew Vacchs' Burke novels.

Sunday:

R.Crumb- Confessions/Wee Dog Waltz

Steeleye Span- Calling-on-Song/ Blacksmith

J.D.Steele Singers- How Can I See You Through My Tears?

Neil Young- When You Dance I can Really Love

The Kinks- Hot Potato

Cat Whatever his Name is Now- Bitter Blue

Grace Jones- The Apple...

Stranglers- (Sweden) All Quiet On The Eastern Front
This is for my TSIGF.

Can- Mother Upduff
My European vacation.

Altan-Stor, A Stor, A Gha

Pretty Things- Summertime

Damien Dempsey- Celtic Tiger

Lou Reed- Betrayed
You know, I should feel ashamed. Or remorseful. Or at least a little bit guilty. But I don't.

Melanie O'Reilly- This Place

Golden Palominos- No Skin

Steve Hillage- Love Guitar

Frank Zappa- My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama

Fiona Joyce- Long Road to Travel

Eleni Mandell- Dreamboat

Fairport Convention- Tam Lin

Tom Waits- Hoist

Jefferson Airplane- Come Up The Years

Flaming Groovies- Jailbait

Jethro Tull-Moths

Well that's all for now. I'm still unemployed, my grandmother is at home but still sick and the world continues to spiral out of control. Stay tuned.

A Sign

Yesterday I saw this sign as a portent.

Usually I interpret traffic signs with a decidedly un-philosophical literalness. "STOP" simply means " stop your car." The subtext implies little more than: " look both ways before proceeding."
It's not very complicated- or at least it shouldn't be.

Yesterday, I saw this particular sign and instead of it's predictably consistent insistence to STOP, it was covered in fine, nearly illegible print. I had to get out of the car to read it.

It read something very much like this:

Stop. You are very hurt and angry right now and you don't even have a plan do you? I bet you're going to rush off and do something incredibly embarrassing, stupid or even deadly and then you will have some serious repercussions to deal with, so instead of driving off in a rage, why don't you go buy some pastry instead? I know that doughnuts aren't in the budget, but if you allow yourself to get too upset about that other thing, you will start feeling like a victim- and you aren't. You weren't betrayed- despite your protestations, you knew the truth. It wasn't hidden, you were just ignoring it in order to suit your own needs. If you insist on letting that sort of willful ignorance dictate your behavior, you will get hurt- victimized- and once you lapse into the role of resigned victimization,you will eventually pick up all the old habits of self-destruction that chronic victims tend to utilize.
In simpler terms, I bet that you could drink yourself to death in less than a month if you allow yourself to give in to the sadness and anger that you are feeling at this moment.
These feelings will pass.
So my advice to you, as a STOP sign and a friend, is to calm the fuck down and reflect a moment. You have no one to be mad with but yourself and even that is a stretch- why can't you just give yourself a break ? What happened to all that 'fresh start' talk, eh?


In other words, life isn't that bad. You got hurt. It happens. Now you need to get over it.

It seemed like strange advice to receive from an inanimate object, but it made sense. I got back in the car and instead of purchasing a handgun, sixty dollars worth of crack cocaine and a 1.75 liter bottle of vodka, I went the other way and scored a pound of butter, two boxes of fresh (day old) muffins and a half-gallon of grape juice.

My cholesterol and my weight are perfect. I can survive a two-day buttered muffin binge without a hitch, no problem. Grape juice, according to some, is actually good for you- but I like it anyway and it goes inexplicably well with blueberry muffins...almost made me forget that I really wish I'd bought milk. Oh well. I'll live. My stomach hurts, but in a good way.

I'm considerably less sanguine about my chances of surviving a bitter, drunken, crack-fueled handgun misadventure, so I'm glad to say I that have ruled option out. I didn't need a road sign to tell me what a bad idea it is to follow that path , but it didn't hurt to have the reminder either.

I suppose that it's not a very good indication of my general mental health that I am having impromptu therapy sessions with traffic signs, but in this case it worked- with some long-distance assistance from my friends and family. Allow me to digress and offer my biggest thanks to my brother, my grandmother and my friends for offering to help with next month's bills, allowing me to finally turn on my air-conditioner (it wouldn't have been a problem if I hadn't lost my savings and my job inside a 30 day period)...fuck, I just remembered that I'm going to need extra money to buy medicine once my insurance lapses... I wonder if my stop sign offers medical treatment as well as psychological counseling?

Come to think of it, my tax dollars paid for that traffic sign- perhaps the occasional therapy session is not too much to ask for? I am a long-time advocate for socialized health-care, after all.

Anyway, I have been a bit disorientated lately. I was so busy trying to understand what was happening in the alley that I almost forgot about the traffic on the street.
Feel that warm diesel breeze? That's the bus that almost hit me.

I think I should pay attention to signs.