False Alarm

Oh my. I feel bad this morning; sick to my stomach. The last time I threw up , it was from internal bleeding and it almost killed me, so I really don't want to vomit. Damn.
I can feel the panic coming, hand-in-hand with the queasiness. I haven't had a panic-freak since I quit drinking. Haven't puked either. Now I feel like both.
I've been good.
This isn't fair.

I sit on my mattress and wrestle with my gut. I don't feel feverish or headachy and sore like I would if it's the flu. What did I eat last night? Oatmeal? Can oatmeal go bad? Maybe it was lunch? I had a honey bun and more oatmeal. Never been sick from either one of them.
I wish someone was here.
I am terrified. I know I have Xanax here somewhere.
Where?
Aaaaa!
Where are my keys? I wonder. Why? I'm looking for my pills, not my keys.
Aaaaa!
Here. Better take two.
Fuck! My stomach is tumblin'. I probably shouldn't take a pill but I'm freaking out.
I swallow it dry. Twice.

Shit. It's 9 a.m. already.

I'm way late to work. I call my boss- as soon as he answers I can feel the spasms start, the labor pains preceding the throaty birth of what? My ruptured esophagus choked out onto the bathroom floor? A quart of black, bloody emesis? I don't want to die like that.

I can barely speak. I-i-i w-w-won't b-b-b-be i-i-in t-t-t-t-today.

UUUMMPPPHHH.

Hey, wouldja lookit this? C'mon, take a peek. Just plain old light-brown mushy puke, not a trace of red or black. (I own two cats , so normal puke doesn't make me flinch)
I have never been this glad to see vomit in my life. In fact, I've never been glad to see vomit at all -ever- until now.

Wow. I feel pretty good. The sea-sick tummy lurch is gone. I can probably make it to work.

Damn. I feel really good. I thought that the Xanax would've come up with the rest of it, but it didn't.
Better scratch going to work off my to-do list and add 'take a nap'.

Hours later, I wake up and write this. I'm high as a kite but I'm not the least bit sick.
What was that all about, anyway? Food poisoning?

I decide it doesn't matter. I'm not bleeding or dying and except for a whopping buzz I feel normal. Alive. OK. Alrighty.
Tonight is a jam night at my pal's house and I intend on playing- no need to change plans.

A thought slaps me. Hard.

I will never take being alive for granted again.