Riding My Own Llama

Tuesday I got de-hired from my new job at the music store. I think my new boss had figured out that I was going to quit as soon as I possibly could, so he saved me the trouble and sent me home as soon as I arrived. I wish he'd spared me the aggravation of listening to how hard it was to run your own business, how none of his employees ever 'produced'- that all they were interested in was being 'rock stars' etc- and how he really needed someone he could count on but couldn't find anyone...boo fucking hoo.

For eight bucks an hour, you can count on me.
You can count on me not showing up and not giving a shit.
Double that wage and I'll work my ass off for you.
It's not complicated but no one gets it.

I'm not interested in glamor- I want a steady paycheck. Why are you complaining to me about the 'rocker' kids that you hire- who else are you gonna attract if you pay McWages? Rock stars?

I've given up on being a rock star a long time ago. I've shared a stage with the Red Hot Chili Peppers and several girlfriends with GWAR. That's closer to fame than I ever needed to be... if I need my ego stroked, I'll dedicate a two-hour radio show to myself and then go home and blog about it.

Obviously, my ego needs strokin'- so I did exactly that. I dedicated today's broadcast to me, talked about how great I am and backed it up with songs that famous people wrote just for me.

Well...I had some stuff for other people too.


When I got to the station, the robots were running the place...the morning dude had not shown up. I played a pair lengthy, spacey cuts and a couple of classics while I restored human control to the broadcast booth.

Tranquility Bass- Five Miles High

Tangerine Dream- Rising Haul In Silence
Billie Holliday- Don't Explain
I was expecting the early AM DJ to call around this time to let me know that he had overslept again- he didn't call. He was still asleep.

Bob Marley- Sugar, Sugar
It's hard to stay mad while listening to this early 60's Jamaican single. Hard, but not impossible.

Now it's 7AM and time for my show:

The New Breakfast Snob, Sunday Sept. 23

Neil Young- Ride My Llama
When we got on ship/ he brought out something for the trip He said "it's old, but it's good"/ Like any other primitive would
This is for my mother. She collected Camel cigarette paraphernalia; after she was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, she modified the 'Camel' logos to read 'Llama'.
Mom had a weird sense of humor. I loved her for that.

Renaissance- On the Frontier
I'm not sure that I can like this band. Two of the dudes have mullets. The music is OK, but they have mullets...

Arlo Guthrie- Wheel Of Fortune
I am certain that I like Arlo Guthrie. No mullet for Arlo, but I sure wish he'd wear a helmet when he motorbikes...

M.H.Price/R.Crumb- Bigfoot Barefoot Stomp
From the soundtrack to R.Crumb:The Musical.
My favorite cartoonist of all time...I have his autograph- that is a rare thing!



Victor Banana- Slumber Precious
Another soundtrack based on an underground comix artist's work. This is adapted from A Velvet Glove Cast in Iron by Dan Clowes, who is best known for the movie Ghost World, which is based on characters from his Eightball comic series.
Dedicated to DJ Sleeper.

Kinks- Situation Vacant
'Situation Vacant' is the British way of saying 'Help Wanted'. I have been reading a lot of those ads lately. Too many.

Grace Slick/Paul Kantner- Harp Tree Lament
Here. Let me cry myself a river.

Steely Dan- Kings
This is for YDG and all my other Texas buddies...I hear that Steely Dans are illegal in your state- perhaps I should pack a few bags, head south and work as a covert door-to-door dildo salesman.
I think the Dan might be singing about King Nixon, but we still have at least one Dick in the White House.

Sweetwater- In a Rainbow
It's a 60's song that mentions 'colors'. It might be about drugs- according to people who have obviously not read FCC regulations, it is against the law to play songs that reference drugs.

Altan-Eoghainan O Ragadan
There's a ridiculous amount of FCC paranoia these days. Eventually, I'll be reduced to playing nothing but instrumentals and songs sung in Gaelic.
This song's title translates to: "Pig-Fuckers and Shit-Eaters".
(Not really)

Loreena McKennitt- Mystic's Dream
McKennitt often has themes of a somewhat paganistic, mystical sort- this, of course, makes her a raving Anti-Christian animal-worshipper ( not really)- but it's probably illegal to play her music anyway- it's that good.

Jethro Tull- Nothing is Easy
I usually play a Tull cut for my colleague, the redoubtable Mr. Jazz, but this one is for Whim.

Be Bop Deluxe- Love with the Madman
If you hang 'round here much longer
You'll be driven crazy with the wonder
of it all
(air guitar goes here)
I had an on-air contest. First caller wins a date with me!
No takers.

Steve Hillage- It's All Too Much (live)
The love I see all around me makes me feel like a starvation artist at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Not that I'm bitter.

Adrian Belew- Oh Daddy
This is for my childhood friend Ron, who was actually awake and listening.
Ron gets up early now that he is a new daddy! Congrats to R & M & A!


10 CC - Fresh Air for my Momma
For my mother. I really miss her.

Quicksilver Messenger Service- Fresh Air
Oh crap. It's another hippie song that might be about getting high...boy, I'm really pushing the envelope here. Or I would be if it was still 1970.
While I was announcing this song, the early AM guy called- he had nearly broken his collarbone the day before and overslept - dude!
Don't play football without pads.

Lou Reed- Average Guy
I worry that my liver's swollen and it hurts to the touch...
Two years ago, my liver was swollen and tender - it was unknown whether it would heal enough for me to live a 'normal' life. It did, but my life is anything but 'normal'.

Captain Beefheart- Dropout Boogie
Can't get a job, can't get a job/Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do?
I honestly don't fucking know. Keep failing until I succeed or die? Look for a couch? An alley?

Iron Butterfly- Are You Happy?
If you answer yes to this question, then I will too. That would be groovy.

Emerson, Lake & Palmer- L.A. Nights
I wanted to play The Doors L.A. Woman for Ruby, but my copy is scratched beyond playability- this at least has L.A. in the title. It's an instrumental, but a lot of people take drugs in L.A. , especially at night, so it's probably against regs to play this song.

Gong- Shamal
These devious Frenchpersons try to make you believe that the line "deep within you" refers to
the "spirit that guides"- hah!
Nice try, Frenchie!
This is obviously hardcore pornography disguised as jazz fusion; it encourage American teenagers to become stoned, pregnant heathens. Don't listen to those awesome jazz xylophone runs- those are placed there by Satan to distract you from the Truth in much the same manner that the Devil planted all those 'dinosaur' bones in the Earth 6,000 years ago to fool you into believing in Darwin.

The Who - Love Ain't For Keepin'/My Wife
Most people don't know it, but I would actually like to get married someday. Not likely, though.
I mean, killers on Death Row get marriage proposals, but I can't even get a date- I'm too much of a wimp to kill anyone- so I think my chances for marriage are pretty slim.

Velvet Underground- Oh Sweet Nothing
Um.

Eleni Mandell- Man in the Paper Hat
Eleni gets it. Tin-Foil hats are like wearing an antennae on your head- a paper hat is much better suited for deflecting mind-control rays.
I have a crush on Eleni but she doesn't know I exist.

Pentangle- Once I had a Sweetheart
If you think this about you, it probably is.

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NFL Note: Enough with the goddamn throwback uniforms- I keep thinking that it's Saturday and I'm watching college ball...you are fucking with my head, maaaann...