Let Me Show You Around

I am beginning to think that I'll never have a paying job again. I send at least 20 electronic applications/faxes/emails every single week and I usually get no response whatsoever. When I do get a reply, it's always discouraging.

I have a few observations and complaints:

-Some companies still send letters of rejection- "thank you, but we have found our candidate elsewhere, etc"...I have quite a collection of these. It wouldn't be such a big deal except for the fact that some of these jobs are still posted and listed as open- sometimes repeatedly, for weeks.
I have even seen my old job posted twice...I considered applying for it, but they have cut the pay and added a background check to the job criteria. Oh yeah, I forgot-I'm unemployed because they fired me for no cause...I'm sure they want me back. Riiiight.

- On the positive side, so to speak, I don't have to worry about drug tests. By the time my potential employers look at my Federal arrest record and my dismal credit rating, they don't seem willing to waste money sending me to LabCorp. I haven't peed in a cup since I was on Federal probation, which ended in 2003.

-When I compare my rejection letters to the jobs that are still posted, I find that there are quite a few offices in Richmond that would rather have an empty desk than hire me...these are jobs that I am wholly qualified for, yet I am never called- I simply get a 'sorry letter'. I have good work and personal references, but none of them have received any calls about me.
I find that odd.

-Every week , I call my old temp agencies for assignments- they almost always have some sort of file clerk position posted...until I give my name.
After I give my name , those file clerk positions become filled.
In their lieu, I am offered 'production' (warehouse) work that involves repetitive heavy lifting, something that I haven't been able to do since my surgical mishaps of two years ago.
The agencies know I can't do the work, but they offer me the jobs anyway. Why?

- Following a job interview, I used to be able to ascertain- with near 100% accuracy-whether or not I was going to be hired. I had a great instinct for 'nailed it/failed it' moments.
For 25 years this was true.
Not any more.
I've had couple interviews recently where I felt like I totally nailed it- one was at the Public Library, a job for which I am a perfect match...the interview was very friendly, almost jovial- I had mutual friends with my interview team, nice banter ensued, I was taken around and introduced to the people that I was to work with...I was in like Flynn, thought I.
Wrong.
I didn't get hired. Instead, I got a letter for my collection.

My most recent interview wasn't as optimistic. It was at the Science Museum, an old train station converted into a children's museum, complete with IMAX dome and all...a pretty cool place, really.
In 6th grade, I attended a 'nerds' program there, where I was taught how to care for tropical fish- I liked it, it was one of the very few positive school experiences I had as a kid. There are certainly worse places to work.
The job, I thought, was for a seasonal ticket-taker at the box- office. Not the most prestige in the world, but better than a lot of jobs...better than no job. Perhaps it would lead to something better...

During the interview, it was quickly established that I could run a cash register and that I could use Excel without fucking up...now for the job description.
It wasn't what I thought.

The Museum, it turns out, has recently opened a roller-skating rink.
An outdoor rink.
The surface of this rink needs to maintained on a daily basis...do you see where this is heading?
Each morning, I would come in , dump a 50 gallon barrel of chemical sludge on the surface and manually wipe it down- a sort of human Zamboni.
Then I would sell tickets and dispense skates etc.

One of my interviewers was describing the giant mop-like device they had improvised to use for the polishing process...it was quite laborious...was I able to lift 50+ lbs?

"Yes", I lied.
I am so desperate that I am willing to tell lies that could seriously jeopardize my health- I am willing to do this for $8.80 an hour.
Or at least I thought I was.

I was trying to tell them that, "yes, I am available right away"...but my voice sounded weird. Broken.
I'm a DJ, I can usually control my voice- but it was cracking and I was powerless to stop it. I was likewise helpless to stop the tears that were welling up in my eyes as I thought about my future as a polisher of roller-rinks.
I feigned a sneeze. Maybe I could fool them into believing that I had a cold and cover the truth; the truth being that the thought of spending my winter mornings polishing a skating rink makes me question my will to live.

"Ah-choo", I exclaimed, fooling no one.

I didn't get the job.

Sunday, Monday...

Monday morning, 7:30 AM : I am awakened by a call from the pharmacy. The pharmacist explains that my insurance only covers a 60 day supply of certain drugs, and my refills are not covered. I will need to get my doctor to authorize them- which I thought he did when he wrote the scrips in the first place- I have 2 and 3 refills on my respective meds.

"Oh, you can still have the medicine, it just isn't covered", the pharmacist tells me. "You will need authorization and that usually takes a few weeks."

A few weeks? I am out of pills. I can't wait a few weeks.

"How much do my scrips cost without insurance?", I ask.

"$280."

"$ 280! How much for just one of them?"

"Oh, that is just one. Together it will be $410."

Then my alarm clock goes off- between my early awakening, the bad financial news and the clock's sudden screeching , I am so rattled that I drop the phone. I'm exhuasted, my nerves are shot and I haven't even showered yet.

Ironically, the medicines in question are intended to treat insomnia and anxiety.

I can already tell that this week is heading for the toilet. At least I had a good weekend. I'm going to need those memories to sustain me, because I sure as hell can't afford drugs- even with insurance and a prescription, I can't have my pills.

My doctor's office hates the insurance company, but they tell me they can't change the rules. Instead, my doc calls in two "substitute" scrips for medications that don't work nearly as well as the ones I've been taking. In a few weeks, after my authorization is processed, I can go back to taking the pills that work.

Until then, I'll have to survive on the fumes from Sunday's show.

THE NEW BREAKFAST SNOB, June 10,2007:


Snakefinger- Jesus Gave Me Water/Move
My copy of 'Night of Desirable Objects' is signed by Snakefinger.One of my few material treasures. Man, he sure could play.

Black Sabbath - Am I Going Insane?
Yes, Ozzy, you are. One day you will be more well-known for being on "reality TV" than for Black Sabbath. No wonder you flipped out.

Steeleye Span- Celtic Inferno
Burn, baby, burn!

Dire Straits- Lady Writer
You broke my heart. Twice.

Alan Parsons Project- The Tell-Tale Heart
When you were done, you buried the evidence under the floorboards, where it continues to haunt you to this day. You can try to run away, but you'll always hear the beating of my hideous heart.

Manzanera/Eno/801 Live- Tomorrow Never Knows
Relax. Maybe things will improve. Maybe they won't.

Frank Zappa- Dirty Love
The poodle bites.

Emmylou Harris- Here I am
Right here. Easy to find and the door is open. Don't knock it until you've tried it.

Steve Hillage- Wait One Moment
One moment. Not five years. One moment.

Briege Murphy- Cloghinne Winds
Add another name to my list of hopeless crushes...sigh. What a pretty song. I wish I knew how to pronounce her first name. Breege? Brayge?

Sweetwater- Why oh Why?
I ask myself this question all the fucking time...never an answer. Great 60's band, though.

Fiona Joyce- Cry Over You
I'm in the mood for this- new on St.Clair records. Beautiful song, great voice and wonderful production.

Loreena McKennitt- Gates of Istanbul
Ahhhhhhh...sonic excellence.

Anuna- The Last Rose
I'm in a Green Zone today and this Celtic choir helps keep me there.

Stranglers- Let Me Down Easy
This request is unlikely to be granted. Life doesn't work that way. A better title would be : "Destroy me in under sixty seconds"

Pentangle- Mirage
Is this real? No.

Fairport Convention- The Way I Feel
If I felt as great as this song sounds, I'd be euphoric. Instead, I am merely delusional.

Claanad- The Other Side
Always wins.

Danielle Dax- The Wheeled Wagon
Hah! Take that!
This song brings back happy memories! Michael Hawkesworth, are you out there? ( MH was the original Breakfast Snob and the title of my programme is a tribute to him. I'd love to talk to him again...it's been 20 years). He turned me on to Dax.

Blonde Redhead- Slogan
Cheering up now...I have no idea what the French lyrics are saying, but I like the melody.

Can- Half Past One
If I am playing Can, I am in a good mood.

Funkadelic- This Broken Heart
"I got more faults than Carter's got little pills."

Gentle Giant- Free Hand
I am very luck to have a free hand in selecting my songs.

Damien Dempsey- The Jar Song
Buy his records.

Jethro Tull- Acres Wild
I'm being very optimistic here.

Pretty Things - She's a Lover
Of someone else.

Soft Machine- Why Are We Sleeping?
Why are we awake?

Them Bones

Improv Cuisine For Single Men

My favorite style of cooking is improvisational. It suits both my budget and my general inability to follow simple instructions such as those found in recipes.

This is almost all the food I had in my kitchen on Sunday. I was hungry as hell, but a long, sleepless night of playing records and tying cables had left me a little too shaky to drive- and the tranquilizers and sedatives I took 24 hours ago were finally starting to kick in, so I was pretty much stuck with:

A) Some prefab curry paste. Never stay home without it.
B) A can of beans.
C) Garlic. Fresh is better, but I was pretty wasted so this was all I had.
D) Hot Pepper Relish. Never run out. Life sucks without this.
E) Rice.
F) Frozen ground turkey, thawed.
G&H) Onion and Carrots.

In the background are two cans of gluten-free cat food. These are optional and not used in this example.

Chop up a few carrots and put some rice on the stove:

To cook rice: Put some rice in a pot. Put twice as much water as rice into the same pot, bring to a boil, set heat to low, cover with a snug lid and cook until fluffy. If it turns brown/black and smells scorched, you have overcooked it. Steam is to be expected, smoke is not.

Put the carrots in a skillet and saute them for a few minutes. While they simmer, dice the onion. Onions cook faster than carrots, so we are adding them later:


Once the carrots are a bit tender and the onions have started to become translucent, it's time to add the turkey and spices. If you are using ground beef, cook the beef first and drain off some of the fat before adding any spices, otherwise just add the bird, a few small spoons of curry, a few more of hot peppers and some garlic.
Mix it all together and let simmer until the turkey is cooked through.



The rice is done now. Take it and dump it into a larger pot. Add the skillet's contents and the (drained) can of beans. Cover and simmer for an hour or so.


What you will have resembles a scattering of rabbit droppings on a bed of poached maggots, but it tastes pretty good, is reasonably healthy -omitting the meat and adding more beans and veggies is an option- and best of all, it's under five bucks to prepare and it will feed one person for two days.

Cooking for guests is an entirely different affair. Perhaps we'll cover that in a later post .