Let Me Show You Around

I am beginning to think that I'll never have a paying job again. I send at least 20 electronic applications/faxes/emails every single week and I usually get no response whatsoever. When I do get a reply, it's always discouraging.

I have a few observations and complaints:

-Some companies still send letters of rejection- "thank you, but we have found our candidate elsewhere, etc"...I have quite a collection of these. It wouldn't be such a big deal except for the fact that some of these jobs are still posted and listed as open- sometimes repeatedly, for weeks.
I have even seen my old job posted twice...I considered applying for it, but they have cut the pay and added a background check to the job criteria. Oh yeah, I forgot-I'm unemployed because they fired me for no cause...I'm sure they want me back. Riiiight.

- On the positive side, so to speak, I don't have to worry about drug tests. By the time my potential employers look at my Federal arrest record and my dismal credit rating, they don't seem willing to waste money sending me to LabCorp. I haven't peed in a cup since I was on Federal probation, which ended in 2003.

-When I compare my rejection letters to the jobs that are still posted, I find that there are quite a few offices in Richmond that would rather have an empty desk than hire me...these are jobs that I am wholly qualified for, yet I am never called- I simply get a 'sorry letter'. I have good work and personal references, but none of them have received any calls about me.
I find that odd.

-Every week , I call my old temp agencies for assignments- they almost always have some sort of file clerk position posted...until I give my name.
After I give my name , those file clerk positions become filled.
In their lieu, I am offered 'production' (warehouse) work that involves repetitive heavy lifting, something that I haven't been able to do since my surgical mishaps of two years ago.
The agencies know I can't do the work, but they offer me the jobs anyway. Why?

- Following a job interview, I used to be able to ascertain- with near 100% accuracy-whether or not I was going to be hired. I had a great instinct for 'nailed it/failed it' moments.
For 25 years this was true.
Not any more.
I've had couple interviews recently where I felt like I totally nailed it- one was at the Public Library, a job for which I am a perfect match...the interview was very friendly, almost jovial- I had mutual friends with my interview team, nice banter ensued, I was taken around and introduced to the people that I was to work with...I was in like Flynn, thought I.
Wrong.
I didn't get hired. Instead, I got a letter for my collection.

My most recent interview wasn't as optimistic. It was at the Science Museum, an old train station converted into a children's museum, complete with IMAX dome and all...a pretty cool place, really.
In 6th grade, I attended a 'nerds' program there, where I was taught how to care for tropical fish- I liked it, it was one of the very few positive school experiences I had as a kid. There are certainly worse places to work.
The job, I thought, was for a seasonal ticket-taker at the box- office. Not the most prestige in the world, but better than a lot of jobs...better than no job. Perhaps it would lead to something better...

During the interview, it was quickly established that I could run a cash register and that I could use Excel without fucking up...now for the job description.
It wasn't what I thought.

The Museum, it turns out, has recently opened a roller-skating rink.
An outdoor rink.
The surface of this rink needs to maintained on a daily basis...do you see where this is heading?
Each morning, I would come in , dump a 50 gallon barrel of chemical sludge on the surface and manually wipe it down- a sort of human Zamboni.
Then I would sell tickets and dispense skates etc.

One of my interviewers was describing the giant mop-like device they had improvised to use for the polishing process...it was quite laborious...was I able to lift 50+ lbs?

"Yes", I lied.
I am so desperate that I am willing to tell lies that could seriously jeopardize my health- I am willing to do this for $8.80 an hour.
Or at least I thought I was.

I was trying to tell them that, "yes, I am available right away"...but my voice sounded weird. Broken.
I'm a DJ, I can usually control my voice- but it was cracking and I was powerless to stop it. I was likewise helpless to stop the tears that were welling up in my eyes as I thought about my future as a polisher of roller-rinks.
I feigned a sneeze. Maybe I could fool them into believing that I had a cold and cover the truth; the truth being that the thought of spending my winter mornings polishing a skating rink makes me question my will to live.

"Ah-choo", I exclaimed, fooling no one.

I didn't get the job.

Wake and Snake

Yesterday was my 41st birthday. I spent most of the day waiting for someone who never showed up; eventually I took a chance and drove my faltering car to the supermarket. Sometimes it takes a looong time to start, so I brought a book with me, just in case.

Good thing that I did.

The weather was nice- I hung out in the Kroger parking lot, ate 'day-old' pastries and re-read a few chapters of Schrodinger's Cat. After a while my car decided to co-operate and I made it home in time to meet my aunt and uncle, who took me out to dinner. I have been living off of oatmeal , beans, rice etc. for weeks now, so I said fuck a bunch of healthy shit , give me some goddamn ribs!

Mmmm...a long-lost blogpal once informed me that the word sarcasm literally derives from ' rending of the flesh' (true!)- my meal was deliciously sarcastic! Dripping, it was!

This morning I had a guest in the studio- 'Schlep', who found my blog by Googling 'Snakefinger'
It turns out that not only does Schlep listen to a lot of the same music I do, he also lives in Richmond- one block from my house!
Part of my volunteer work involves finding and training new people for the station, but I never thought I'd be recruiting DJs via my blog- Schlep graciously brought coffee and muffins- if you think my coffee habit is exaggerated in this blog, it's not.
Now I have a witness.

Last week sucked. All I posted was a bunch of filler and a hastily spewed (and since revised) short story- but I forgot my playlist.
Oh well.
(If anyone cares, my playlists are also posted here.)

Anyway.

Here's this week's list:

The New Breakfast Snob, 9/15/2007

Dude. Your show is over in 45 seconds- you just started a four-minute song. A four-minute Contemporary Jesus song, no less- not on my time, you ain't...it gave me great pleasure to guillotine that motherfucker in mid-verse. Praise and Hallelujah!
Dude. If you think I'm just sore because your Redskins beat my Dolphins, you would be 99% correct...now excuse me while I kill your song and replace it with:

Gong- Sprinkling of Clouds
Last night was the first time I've eaten red meat in weeks. This song is nearly nine minutes long...

Loreena McKennitt- Kecharitome
And this one is eight minutes...

Point Music Promo - Track #8
I wish I knew who the artist is...it's a 'promo' CD without any info on the artists at all...what kinda promo is that? I love this eastern-influenced string and percussion piece, whatever it is.

Steeleye Span- Johnny was a Shoemaker/ Lowlands of Holland
My guest, Schlep, is also a Fan of Span. Cool beans. Potatoes. Whatever.

West of Eden-Hide and Seek
From 2007. How unusual.

Altan- Stor A Stor A Ghra
I want more of this band.

Marian Bradfield- Please Don't Set Me Free
This is what happens when you start talking to things that aren't the microphone. In this instance, the thing was a person- I forget what I was saying, but I played this song by mistake.
This song wipes ass and we had to suffer through nearly the whole thing before I could find a fade point...I think. It was so traumatic that I've already repressed the memory. Sorry.

Claanad- Gathering Mushrooms
Meadow muffins and misty mornings...

Jefferson Airplane- Rock Me Baby
Bring it back home with some Blues- this live cut showcases Jorma Kaukonen and sounds a lot like early Hot Tuna... I wonder why?

Savoy Brown- Poor Girl
Ooops. I meant to play a different song- I guess that's appropriate , since this album is in the wrong cover...I purchased it that way and didn't even notice until I got home...tsk.

Big Brother & Big Holding Co- Keep On
This is after Janis...poor girl.

Snakefinger- Haven't Any Hay
From a 1984 live show, CD courtesy of Schlep.

Fiona Joyce- Cry Over You
Another 2007 release...ding.

Pentangle- Bruton Town
I'm shamrockin' out today!

Daevid Allen w/ Robert Wyatt- Memories
Memories will hang you up and haunt you...for instance, you might wind up spending your birthday alone in a heightened state of regret and anxious remorse.
Or a parking lot.
Or both.

Jethro Tull- Journeyman
By request. And yes, I set the freekin' satellite frequency thingamabob already...sheesh.

Fairport Convention- My Girl The Month of May/Million Dollar Bash
Sorry, didn't have any Dylan for the other request- I snuck in a Dylan cover instead.

Neil Young- Don't Let it Bring You Down
When I was a kid, I'd self-medicate my depression with this song. From this very copy, in fact...I never thought I'd be playing it on the radio for the same reason. Life is weird.

Aphrodite's Child- Good Time So Fine
It's all Greek to me.

Stranglers- Ships That Pass in the Night
One day I'm gonna do two hours of Stranglers. I can't wait to play Bring on the Nubiles...

10 CC- Sand in my Face
These guys listened to Frank Zappa and the Mothers.

Zappa and the Mothers- Happy Together
These guys are Frank Zappa and the Mothers.

Quicksilver Silver Messenger- It's Been Too Long
Great 60's guitar band -this album was produced by Nick Gravenites, who also sings on the Big Brother cut played earlier...some shoes are just to big to fill, ya know?

Pretty Things -She's A Lover
For Alexis B. I'm sorry.

Capt. Beefheart- Tropical Hot Dog Night
Dig the horns.

Pretty Things- Trust
Really. I am.

Patterns

To the right is an illustration of a microphone's
pickup pattern. This particular microphone has what is known as a directional cardioid pattern -
(the term 'cardioid', aptly enough, derives from the heart-shaped response curve illustrated by the blue bands)
-in the simplest of terms, what it means is that the mic "hears" sounds that are directly in front of it
much better , i.e., louder and with more accuracy,
than it does sounds from peripheral sources...and it almost entirely rejects whatever noise is behind it.

But I'm not here to teach you about microphones. Not today, anyway.

Today, we are students and the microphone is the teacher- not the actual mic, really, but a visual representation of it's function- the graph to the right speaks to us:

Imagine, if you will, that the Front (0 degrees), is the 'Now'- that always happening moment where past, present and future meet- the Now is as close to the future as one can ever get.

Now is where the music is.
That is where you point your microphone.
That is where you aim your heart.

To the side and to the rear ( 'off-axis' in geekspeek) are sounds that you may or may not want- these might be noise or they might be musical- but what they really are, in the Now- is distraction and clutter.
Think of them as the Past and the Future. They are both friend and foe, so be careful when dealing with them.

If too many of these off-axis distractions leak into your Now, the Now becomes lost in a brownsound mudpool and you can't really hear what you are trying to listen to.
Important information vanishes into a discordant roar- think of the Beatle's Live at the Hollywood Bowl album:

What is the loudest sound on that record? Screaming.
You can barely decipher what song the Moptops are playing, but you sure as hell can hear the screaming.

That is the sound of the Past. Like any life ( life, not live- no typo) recording , it is going to include some screaming. It's part of the package. But that particular recording is all screaming and if you listen to the screaming Past too long you will be driven into madness. Ignoring it entirely presents the same risks.
We need those screams to remind us that the Past is still there, but care must be taken that it does not drown out the Now.

That's the simple part and it took me forty years to learn it.

Here's where it gets complicated and just a bit anti-intuitive:

The Future is the sound that is behind the microphone- a good directional mic will barely hear the Future- most of the sounds of the future are just the echoes of the Past and the Now reverberating off the walls of perception - and yes, Mr. Huxley, if perception has Doors, it most certainly has walls- it can be interesting to listen to, but it's never very clear what exactly it is that we are hearing.

That is because we cannot be entirely certain what the Future sounds like. We can look behind us, around us and even look forward, but the best we can do is make a guess based on what we know about the Now and the Past.

For example, let us say that we have learned from the Past that if a freight train is passing through our backyard, the sound of that train is going to bleed into and probably ruin everything we try to record while the locomotive is roaring by.

Pause. Turn off the tape deck and take a break until the train passes. It may take longer than we'd like, but it will pass. It always does.

So now we know not to attempt to record during times of heavy local railways traffic; even if the sound of a passing train does fit nicely with certain Blues, we are not looking for the Blues.
We are not looking for anything definable, really- that's part of the mysterious Future- we just don't want any more Blues Trains ruining our otherwise sparkling recording. That is one reason why we must remember the past- it helps us avoid inbound trains and their potential sonic wrecks.

That doesn't mean that we need to ignore the tracks, or worse, sit immobilized on the rails, paralyzed with fright from merely thinking about all the trains that have rolled through here. That would be surrendering to the Past and that is not a good idea, because it means we forfeit the Future.

Do you ever have thoughts like this?:

"Oh my God, I can't sing right now- what if a train comes by? My song will be ruined!"

I have. These sort of thoughts are the enemy of Art. Godzilla only knows how many masterpieces have never been recorded because of this fearful thinking- but that's the Past.

There is no train Now.

But if one does come rolling through the middle of a song in the Future, we should sing louder and in harmony with its steel-wheeled thunder, because that train might just sound really good in the mix, even if we are not singing the Blues.

It's not somethingthat can be planned- you just have to do it, take a listen and see what you have.
Either it is good or it is not, but you gotta sing first and ask questions later, because we can't know where that train is heading, but we do know it is not going to be here forever.