Bananas

I have a banana on my desk. The skin is still a bit too green for easy peeling, so I'm watching it ripen. When it turns a proper shade of yellow, I will take my lunch break.

The banana is my favorite food. Since 2005, I estimate that I have eaten well over one thousand bananas. During that time I have not decapitated a single Greyhound passenger, nor have I cannibalized said passenger in front of a busload of horrified onlookers. I have never stabbed a sleeping man to death or used a human head as a prop for my one-man performance art installation. I love bananas but I am not crazy.

It happened though. A man on a Canadian Greyhound recently killed a fellow passenger and decapitated him as the other passengers heroically fled for safety. At least one Canadian newspaper has used this event as a cause for advocating random bus searches by drug-sniffing dogs.

Minutes before he was savagely slain on a Greyhound bus last week, Tim McLean was busy texting some friends,and reports are that in one of his text messages,he mentioned that other passengers on the bus were taking ecstasy.
No link has been drawn between his death and illicit drug use.
But,in any case, let us assume he was accurate in his observation.McLean's bus was bound from Edmonton to Winnipeg. Had sniffer dogs been patrolling the Edmonton bus station, they might have been able to nab those individuals who felt they had a right to carry drugs in a public place and to use them on a bus. Greyhound's policy states: "We have a zero tolerance for alcohol, drugs, weapons and unruly behaviour."

In the wake of the attack, Greyhound scrapped a billboard ad campaign that extolled the relaxing side of bus travel.
The ad said: "There's a reason you've never heard of 'bus rage'."

Now you have heard of bus rage.

So there is no evidence that drugs played a role in this murder, but let's just assume they did and pass laws according to that assumption, says the Calgary opinionater...Canada is starting to sound pretty darned American with this new presumption of guilt until proven otherwise.

Somehow, I don't think it was ecstasy that killed Tim McLean. I think it was the hunting knife that did him in. Perhaps a metal detector would have been a better preventive measure than a drug-sniffing dog.

Curiously, the bus was watching a 'Zorro' movie at the time of the killing but I haven't seen any calls to ban Zorro movies. Zorro stabbed people in the movie...is there a connection here? No link has been established between the movie and the murder, but let's assume there is one and ban all movies that feature swords. Or knives. Or eating. If your bus or plane is showing "Silence of the Lambs", you may wish to consider hitch-hiking.

Drugs may have played a role, however. According to police, thirty-seven people witnessed the murder, decapitation and subsequent human snack attack...were they all so stoned that they couldn't stop one man?

Human Redemption Update: I just learned that a co-worker I have never met is being presented with an award for running into a burning building , yelling and waking up people who otherwise would likely have suffocated. Many years ago, a homeless man did the same thing in my brother's apartment building...it's important to remember that there are still some good people out there. Kudos!

Vinyl Is For Giving

My selection of vinyl may have some pops and scratches , but it will never give away my name or email and it will never turn me over to the FBI for sharing it with the world.
Vinyl is permissive.
Vinyl is forgiving.

This weekend's first show, Songs From The Big Hair (the 80's ):

The Damned- Street of Dreams
Derek Sunshine sez: "The Damned are like a real-life Spinal Tap. They changed image with whatever they thought was cool- punk, goth, metal...whatever". Well, I'll be...

XTC- This World Over
Great post-apocalyptic ballad about a father and son visiting a crater.

Snakefinger- Kill the Great Raven (Live)
"You can call me Phil. Or Snake. Either one." Snakefinger said that to me after his only Richmond show. Then we got stoned for hours. A month later he was dead.

George Clinton- Airbound
Let's put this Clinton in the White House. The Mothership Connection is funkadelicious and peaceafied.

Scorpions- Every Minute, Every Day
Back in high school, if you had told me that one day I would be playing this album on the radio,
I would have said: "What? I can't hear you! I'm in the backseat and you have the fucking Scorpions blasting my ears out!"

Motorhead-I'm the Doctor
"You'll feel better if you take these little pills/I'll give you sixty bottles/I believe in overkill..."

Danielle Dax- White Knuckle Ride
"Crazy little Charlie took a trip on an airplane/With his hands full of triggers as he flew into the sun..."

King Crimson- Heartbeat
One of my old bands once opened up for Adrian Belew's 'Bears'. Belew wouldn't deign to speak to us, but their bass player did. We gave him a tape. After the show, we were loading our van and the window of his tour bus opened. Our tape came whizzing out and landed on the sidewalk. It was depressing.

Talking Heads- Born Under Punches
But hey, I can't hold a grudge that long. Belew is all over this album.

The Kinks- Catch Me Now, I'm Falling
I saw this tour. I was in 9th grade. Awesome.

Pere Ubu- Ice Cream Truck
Disgruntled Mid-West anti-pop.

Golden Palominos- Omaha
Is that what's-his-face from REM? Is that the drummer from David Letterman's old band? I dunno.

Magazine- The Great Man's Secrets
Psst...c'mere. I have something I wanna tell you.

Adrian Belew- The Momur
Dude. See how magnanimous I am? Bask in my benevolent forgiveness, you fuckin' twanger.

Coffin Break- Diane
These guys used to play in Richmond quite often. They were always too loud, but I liked them anyway. Scary song.

Robyn Hitchcock- Slipping in the Midnight Fish
Yeah, I know I recently played this on my other show, but I really get a subversive, perverse thrill from it. Indulge me, eh? This is one of several songs from today's list that features sardines. I'll send a bag of money to whomever finds them all.

Lou Reed - Turn Off The Light
Yeah, I know I play a lot of Lou Reed. I can't help it. It's an addiction.

Crack The Sky- Big Money
I am the dogs of war, I am the cocaine whores
Who eat the life from you, I am your wildest dream...
Big Money will set you free

Asia- Ten seconds of hell for which Messrs. Howe, Wetton and Palmer will never be forgiven

I saw this band in concert and watched in amazement as a group of hippies stood up in the front row, gave the band the finger and stormed out. The show was that bad. It really was.
A few years later, I was telling my new hippie roommate about that concert- he told me that it was he who had flipped the bird. He was also dating my high school GF at the time. Small world. Too fucking small.



Grace Jones- Everybody Hold Still
To me, this is a Sly and Robbie album that Grace Jones sings on.

Mother Gong- The Upwardly Mobile Song
Robots and Yuppies. Spot the difference.


Tom Verlaine- Postcards From Waterloo
Tom was in Television, not on television.



Opal- Revelation
What a cool album. Remember the Dream Syndicate?

Wire- Ahead
Geez, I like Wire. I suppose I can forgive them for helping spawn 'house' music. Maybe.

Replacements- Black Diamond
It's a Kiss cover.

Elvis Costello- Watch Your Step
Too late. My foot is in it.

The English Beat- Sugar and Stress
Were you a rocker or a mod or both? I walked both worlds and still do. It's a tight wire.

The Stranglers- It's a Small World
Yes, it is.

My Bloody Valentine- Lose My Breath
This pre-emo CD has really fuzzy album art. It sounds blurry too. I thought I'd enjoy hearing it again, but it really annoyed me. Ah, well.

Tom Waits- 16 Shells from a 30.06
"I'm gonna whittle you into kindlin'"



That's all for Saturday.

Sunday morning I got up at 6am and did another show.
I've been doing a dawn show every Sunday for eight months. I must be nuts.


The New Breakfast Snob:

Funkadelic- Freak of the Week
Shit! Goddamn! Get off your ass and jam!
Fuck. Can't play that song...I'll play this one instead.

Tranquility Bass- 5 Miles High
I don't know much about these guys . It sounds like they smoke lots of indoor weed.



Larry Graham- The Jam
"My name is Larry, Larry Graham, but you can call me...b'rooombapboommmp"
Jumpin' jaysus! It's like looking at Tom Jones with a 'Fro and a P-Bass, ya know what I mean?


The Who - Postcards
Postcards are a running theme this weekend. I am having a lovely time and I do wish you were here.

Steeleye Span- The Lowlands of Holland
Postcards from Europe are a running theme this weekend.

Damien Dempsey- The Jar Song
"That's the way they came..."

The Flaming Groovies- She's Falling Apart
The Groovies get trippy and sad. On the original Kama Sutra vinyl.
Mmmm...Kama Sutra vinyl. That should be good for a few google hits.

Hot Tuna- The Highway Song
This, to me, is a feel-good song. It's raining, but who cares?

Fairport Convention- Genesis Hall
Look, I've already 'fessed up about this stuff...

10 CC- You've Got a Cold
10 CC were a really clever band. Is that an Arp sneezing?

Talking Heads- Memories Can't Wait
Hear all that stuff? That sound? That's Brian Eno. Fear of Music is my favorite Heads album

Fiona Joyce-The Juggler
Usually you can judge a CD by the cover, but this song is the exception. Terrible cover art, but a beautiful song about a dude who can't keep his balls aloft.

Grin- You're the Weight
"Wanna sink my boat in your ocean..." What is that all about?

Alan Parsons Project- I Wouldn't Wanna Be Like You
This guy is the real brain behind Pink Floyd's 'Dark Side...Ampex+Parsons= Midas.

Curtis Mayfield- No Thing (The Cocaine Song)
"I'm so glad that I'm set free"
When I was a kid, I didn't know what this song was about. Now I do. I really do.

Lou Reed- Babyface
Oh my. That's not a happy song, is it?

Robert Fripp-Chicago
I would like a deep-dish pizza stuffed with Frippertronics. That would be my perfect meal.

The Stranglers- Tank
This should be used in Army recruiting ads..."drive your very own tank"
It never goes out of style.

Cream - World of Pain
Have you ever dropped acid and stared at the cover of Disraeli Gears? Whew...it's an eyeful of mind-candy.

The Kinks- Last of the Steam-Powered Trains
I can relate to the defiant obsolescence expressed in this song. I played it from the original vinyl, which is in glorious Monophonic.

Quicksilver Messenger Service- Pride of Man
Pickin' up on yesterday's thread of nuclear holocaust.

Captain Beefheart- Rock and Roll's Evil Doll
Scorpio.

Can- Mother Upduff
Another European postcard- a travelogue really. Considerable time is spent in Italy.

Crack the Sky- Maybe I Can Fool Everybody Tonight
"The last place I want perspiration odor is under my arms."

Be Bop Deluxe- Ships in the Night
"Without love, I am a desert". Camels live in deserts.

Jethro Tull- Thick as a Brick
Your what is in the where? How did it get there? Yuck.

Clannad- Love and Affection
Is that too much to ask for? A timeless question.

Jefferson Airplane- Wooden Ships
The line about the purple berries always reminds me of the balloon girl from the original Willie Wonka movie. What exactly did the Oompa-Loompas do with her?

Well, that's what I did this weekend. It's pouring rain this morning so I'm staying inside and taking a nap. I talked to my grannie and she sounds pretty good, so I can rest a little easier.
It's been a good weekend.
I hope you all had a good one too.

Talk Is Good

My grandmother loves to talk. She used to follow you out to your car and lean in the window and tell you the story about how she and Granpa had a picnic outside the Bean Factory or inform you that the bus used to cost a nickel each way.

She's been on oxygen for several years, so she doesn't walk to the car anymore. There's a lot she can't do now, like take care of herself on a daily basis. She's 87 and still alert, but the flesh is weak.
My dad, who has been living off his mother since I was born, is supposed to be taking care of her, but he's disappeared again, so she's been alone for several weeks except for visits from my cousin and some friends from her church.

She's been feeling badly for a long time, but I talked to her just a few days ago and her only concern was for about her missing son- she didn't mention that the house had fallen into ruin and that she had tripped over her oxygen hose and fallen and hurt herself or that she hadn't passed for two weeks.

I found that stuff out last night when my cousin called to tell me that she was in the hospital, she'd started vomiting and was in severe pain. He had found her, sick, alone and injured in a filthy house and she hadn't even called for help. On the phone she said she was fine, but she wasn't.

I called her tonight. I asked her what the situation was.
She informed me that there was a tube in her nose and that her stomach was being pumped.
She has a blockage and there is stuff in her that needs to come out, and if it won't come out one end, it'll have to come out of the other.
If the stuff gets out, the tubes and drugs might clear her system.
I haven't talked to her doctor, but I gather that she has probably got a severe internal infection of a nasty sort.
We will know more after they finish pumping her, she said.
Then she gave me a detailed rundown on every invasive procedure she'd endured over the last day.
Tubes in here, tubes in there; food through a tube , water via tube.
She was getting aggravated by tubes.
But if the tubes work, she won't have to have surgery. Surgery is the second most dangerous thing. The most risky action would be to not have it.

She told me all of this while she was getting her stomach pumped. I've had my stomach pumped before and all I could do was make gargling noises that sounded like: "please kill me now."
My grandmother is tougher than that.

She likes to talk.
She can tell stories with a tube in her gullet.
She's determined to talk and that's a good thing because the last thing she said was to tell me that I shouldn't worry so much , that everything was going to be alright.

My grandma wouldn't lie to me.

My Head Is My Only House Unless It Rains

A double-shot of programs this weekend.
First, Songs From The Big Hair, our weekly 1980's show. This week I was training JY, a new volunteer. She has previous DJ experience and picked up our system easily; it was nice having another person in the booth.
DJing is sort of a lonely job, y'know? Like being a lighthouse keeper or something.



SONGS FROM THE BIG HAIR

Replacements- Go
12" vinyl on 45rpm. Hi-Fidelity! Go! Go! Oh, wait...later for them.

Danielle Dax- Big Hollow Man
I call my program 'The New Breakfast Snob' in honor of Michael Hawkesworth, the original Breakfast Snob. Mike had an all-nighter show on Park City, Utah's NPR station. He let me hang out while he played weird art rock and experimental punk. Among other things, he turned me onto Danielle Dax . Mike and I once played live on his station, doing a Residents-style Casio, feedback and poetry jam...Mike, this one's for you.

God will provide the way You read about it every day -I'm tellin' ya All you gotta do is pray And furnish His house with silver

X- Poor Girl
So, like, if you call me with a serious problem and you ask me to help you, I will.
And I won't take it lightly. But don't talk to me when you are drunk, because being drunk is your problem.
You should know better.

Lou Reed- Don't Talk to me About Work
This is another sore subject.

George Clinton- Tweakin'
Chuck D joins George C for some serious slammin'.
Hookin' into the extra input...

Oingo Boingo- No Spill Blood
Who makes the rules? Someone else!
This is Danny Elfman's old band. Great arrangements and lyrics...now go watch The Forbidden Zone.

The Kinks - Add it Up
So I have done the math, see? And it doesn't add up.
It never does.
I can triple-check it, but it won't help. The error is caused by a constant variable and it all adds up to nothing.

The Stranglers- Ice Queen
I was never sure of the accurate score...and so it goes.

The Damned - Grimly Fiendish
Yep.

The Soft Boys- I Got the Hots for You

Well, yeah, whatever. *yawn* So what else is new?

Meat Puppets- Meat Puppets
It's amazing that the Meat Puppets were allowed to record a second album. Their first one is almost unlistenable.
Their second LP is a modern Lo-Fi classic.
This is from the first album.

Snakefinger- The Model
Former Residents guitarist Snakefinger does a great cover of a Kraftwerk orange.


Lizzy Mercier Descloux - Wawa
Antena - Easy Street
Pet Shop Boys - West End Girls
New Order - Thieves Like Us

I let JY fly solo for a couple cycles while I listened in another room, filling out her evaluation. Before she went on she asked :"Is 'West End Girls' too Top 40?"
I didn't want to admit that I had no idea what a 'Pet Shop Boy' sounds like, so I said, sure, play it.
Now I remember...aaargh...yeah, it is too Top 40.
Nevertheless, I gave her high marks in every category because she earned them- welcome to the station, JY!

Chameleons - Up the Down Escalator
The Go Go's - We Got The Beat
Psychedelic Furs -Sleep Comes Down
Cowboy Junkies - Sweet Jane

JY's second set- The Furs reminds me of...well, nevermind. It's a fond memory.
Whim enjoyed the Chameleons, which I second...thanks for tuning in!

Crack the Sky-All the Things We Do
Am I the only living Crack the Sky fan? These guys were great- they used to play around Baltimore when I was a teen. Terrific band, but I think there were problems-nevertheless , John Palumbo rocks! Meat guitar played with a scalpel, not a cleaver.

Pere Ubu- Bus Called Happiness
It passes without stopping, splashing mud on my trousers as it roars past.
I hear the laughter of aquatic mammals. They are laughing at me.

XTC- Poor Skeleton Steps Out
Joey D. Viver!

Nena- 99 Red Balloons
This song is about nuclear annihilation. Let's take it one step further- how about we divide the world's nukes into two equal piles and place one pile at the North Pole and one at the South Pole?
Bam! The polar icecaps become a gigantic cloud of cleansing radioactive steam! All of humanity's problems are solved in an instant.

Elvis Costello- Poisoned Rose
Dude.

Cocteau Twins- Violane
Years ago , one of my female friends asked me why I liked this CD, they told me that straight punk dudes weren't supposed to like the CT's.
But this CD sounds so good it's impossible for me to dislike. Production...how did you get that sound? I bought my first set of condenser microphones after hearing this record.
That's why I like it.

Talking Heads- Once in A Lifetime
Same as it ever was...


( For deep delving into the video vaults of the 1980's go directly here: the Eighties)
-------------------------------------------

The following morning found me back on-the-air, this time it's my weekly show:
THE NEW BREAKFAST SNOB

Steeleye Span- Blackleg Miner
Feeling like some Celtic beats this morning, this is a recent acquisition and it sets me up nicely.

Fairport Convention- The Way I Feel
This version of the Gordon Lightfoot song is wonderful. The way I feel is not.

Maire Brennan- Beating Heart
Does she mean 'beating heart' as in 'beating a baby seal to death with a baseball bat?'
I don't think so, but that's what I hear anyway.

Claanad- The Other Side
Maire Brennan is the lead singer for this group, which has several members with the surname Brennan. Like a family or something...more great production.

Pentangle - The Hunting Song
"Whoever said, 'the heart is a lonely hunter' should have their head stuffed and mounted above my mantelpiece."
-AB

Velvet Underground- Sunday Morning
Yes it is. This song, like the one before it, features bells. Bells trail off, bells lead in; it's an epic cross-fade.
A beautiful moment of transcendental DJ bliss. I wish someone else had heard it.

Damien Dempsey- The Jar Song
Damien Dempsey sings about getting drunk with the likes of Shane MacGowan...have one for me , boys!

The Kinks - Mr. Pleasant
Last week's listener request, filled too late- which sort of fits with the theme of the song...

Sweetwater- Crystal Spider
Look. I like trippy 60's bands with chick singers. I just do. OK? Sheesh...

The Pretty Things - October 26
If I wanted to/could I depend on you/...my friend?
And the guitar sadly shakes it's head and walks away.

Loreena McKennitt- Caravanserai
I want to be a Druid. Really, that's how good this is.

Tom Waits- Shake
If you bastards don't behave, Tom is gonna show up at your door with a gun totin' preacher, a pair of knife-wielding hookers and a wagon-full of hot tubes. Enough!

Eleanor McCovey- Whisper and Prayer
Haven't I heard this somewhere before? It all sounds familiar.

The Wipers- No One Wants an Alien
Yeah. I know that. I really do.

Jade Warrior- Three Horned Dragon King
This record has an op-art pinwheel on the label instead of a song list. When it spins, you get dizzy if you look at it. Groovy.

The Alan Parsons Project- The Raven
I feel a strong affinity with E. Allan Poe and I love Alan Parsons' production.
I should do an 'all-Allan' show one day...oh, nevermind. I did that last year.

The Stranglers- The Raven
I LOVE the Stranglers. A lot. Angry keypunk! And that bass has serious growls, like a hungry Tyrannosaurus, y'hear that?

King Crimson- Model Man
Look for the signs/ look for the symptoms...
Not a model man/not a saviour or a saint/imperfect in a word/make no mistake
but I/give you everything I have/ take me as I am ...

Dude.That and two bucks will get you a cup of coffee.

The Who - Faith in Something Bigger
Inside ourselves.

Motorhead- I Don't Believe a Word
Neither do I. I want to believe, but I don't. Sorry.

Robyn Hitchcock- Midnight Fish
This album is on opaque white vinyl. That makes it very difficult to see the groovy decay between the songs...it's a good thing that I'm an expert, otherwise playing this could be dangerous.

Television- Prove It
Or not. I already knew that.

Cop Shoot Cop - Two at a Time
Using up your lucky days two at a time...

Neil Young- Welfare Mothers
I really wanted to play this on Mother's Day- my mom had a wicked sense of humour and would have approved- she gave me this album!- but I decided to wait until today.
Neil shoulda got an award for bein' so gentle and extra-sensitive...dee- vorrrr-ceeee...

Be Bop Deluxe- Panic in the World
The more things change, the more they don't.

Capt. Beefheart- Crazy Little Thing
How'd ya get a name like Crazy Little Thing? Maybe it was the name that drove you crazy all along

Pere Ubu- Nobody Knows
Sure they do. They just don't care.

Jethro Tull- Teacher
Ah, there's slight problem with your term paper. You see, I Googled your subject- Franco's rebellion- and it appears that you just printed an entire article from Wikipedia.
Leaving the URL at the bottom of the printed page was a dead giveaway.
Still, I'm giving you a C-minus just so I don't have to look at your stupid face next year.

Flat Stanley's Day of Horror

Last night Blooger wouldn't properly upload pictures. In the morning, I was delighted to see Horror on my computer. I had to wait for the plumber to get the hot water fixed, so I had me a little extra time to think this morning- and that's usually how I get myself in trouble- by thinking.
Well, maybe it's not the thinking that's the problem, it's the ideas and thoughts that come with thinking that mess things up. I started thinking that trying to make sense out of why people do what they do is about as easy and useful as trying to make a canoe out of mud. Just thinking about all that crazy uselessness made me want to do something crazy of my own. So I took Horror out on a Flat Stanley Day.

First, we had coffee and blogs."Look," squealed a giggly Horror, "I'm on TV!"

So what else is new? Fuck, I'm running late waiting for work because I had to wait for a shower- I'd better drive in and eat the parking costs...damn.

--

You know, by the time I pay for tolls and parking, I'll lose money by rushing to work. It costs almost twice as much to park for a day as I make in a hour- I'll save money by arriving at work later. I love this logic!
I opt for the noon bus. Honestly, I wasn't too keen on driving around with Horror, so the bus was kinda my excuse to keep Horror off the road, if you understand.


--
I'll give Horror credit for this : It can sell the motherfuckin' hell out of some newspapers. The last time I saw this box empty was after the Harvey family murders.

--

"No one likes me," pouted a petulant Horror as it sat alone on a cold metal bench.

If only that were true, I thought.

--



Usually, I relax and read on the bus, but today it was hard to concentrate with Horror looking at me like that.

--


Downtown Horror. It's not so bad really, except the clock in the tower Horror is leaning on has some chimes that are seriously out of tune.

It's horrible on the hour.

--


Well, here we are. There's nothing between me and the office except traffic and Horror.
That's pretty much the case every day.

--


I do not like elevators. They don't exactly fill me with Horror, but they do make me nervous. Going up?
Crowd me in with Horror and it's more like throwing up.

--


Horror likes a good cup of coffee but we don't have that kind here. I give it some decaf and hope it settles down. I have work to do and don't have time to busy myself with Horror.

--



Horror awaits me at my desk.

--


I guess all those newspapers Horror sold had to go somewhere.

--

I've seen a few training flicks about what to do in case of a mailroom Terror incident, but I'm really not sure what to do with Horror. My first impulse is to mail it somewhere very, very far away- like to the Sun. The hot part of the Sun.

--

I looked at our building's All-You -Can- Eat buffet with Horror and sorta lost my appetite.

--

A real Horror NEVER gives it away.

--
A little indoor garden of Horror brightens up the lobby.


---

And finally, home with Horror. It instinctively leapt from my hand and into my mailbox, which is where Horror customarily waits for me in the evening, nestled amongst the bills and pre-approved credit card offers.

----------

The really weird thing is I spent all day taking pictures of public Horror and no one- not my boss, no one- nobody at all even gave me a second glance or asked what was up with the Horror pics.

That's horrible.

Weekend Report

Saturday morning I was listening to the radio and I heard my DJ pals play a couple cuts from this album-Harper and Jugula- a 1985 collaboration between Roy Harper and Jimmy Page.

It made my bulb glow.

Seriously, as soon as I heard that, I had this brilliant flash- bright, but not blinding, if you know what I mean. I must have that album.

I called the station and spoke with my DJ pal Gene.

"Gene", I asked, " do you have that album?"

He said it came in with a batch of old records he was sorting through at work.

Gene has the second-worst job on the planet. The poor guy runs a business that sells records on-line. I think he has six million albums. Anyway, about the only thing worse than selling records is playing them; and Gene, on top of all that , is also a DJ- which is the worst job on the planet. The poor man just can't seem to catch a break.

It about broke my heart listening to all the great music he was forced to handle, so I thought maybe I'd see if I couldn't ease his burden a bit.

"Why don't you give me that record?", I offered. "That way you wouldn't have to own it anymore."

"Well...uh, er..." Oh. I see. Gene is one of those businessmen who thinks his company should actually make money. Capitalist!

"OK. How much are you asking for it?"

"...I bought it for myself. I'm not selling it. I've never seen it before either."

"Gene, stop toying with me. How much?"

"Not for sale."

Begging isn't pretty but it works.

I have the LP for one week. I played it this morning, in fact.

Here's the rest of what I played this morning:

Joe Jackson- Sunday Papers
I used to listen to this on a shoebox-sized cassette Walkman while I delivered the Sunday papers in Columbia , Md. Now I'm playing it on-air. Yeah!

P.J. Harvey- Send His Love to Me
The sound of a woman yearning turns me on. This is some seriously yearning music.

Steve Hillage- Palm Trees (Love Guitar)
He's a dippy hippie but he's no fool when it come to guitar FX- that's analog delay, not digital. Analog sounds better and Steve knows it.

Roy Harper & Jimmy Page- Elizabeth
When this winter is over Elizabeth
I will come for you
Bearing songs on the wings
Of great happiness
-Roy Harper


Loreena McKennitt- Mystic's Dream
The first time I heard McKennitt sing I was done for. This is beautiful, eyes-closed listening music.

Golden Palominos- Pure
This would be a great song to make out to. At least I think it would.

The Beatles- Don't Let Me Down
Beatles.OK? OK?

Claanad- The Hunter
I play this band a lot. It's because I like them.

Quiet Sun- Mummy was an Asteroid, Daddy was a small non-stick kitchen utensil
I've already blogged about this record, but ya gotta love the title to this instrumental.

Led Zeppelin- Down by the Seaside
I could do a whole show just playing all four sides of Physical Graffiti and talking about how great it sounds. I'm not kidding.



Be-Bop Deluxe- Ships in the Night
Would someone please give Bill Nelson some props? The dude helped invent New Wave. It didn't suck when he played it either.

The Stranglers- Ships That Pass in the Night
Gutter-punk with naked mohawk chicks or elegant New Wave ballads with classical finesse? Depends on which album you're listening to.

Pretty Things- Come See Me
"Baby, I'm your man...I'm your man-n-n-n-"

Nina Hagen- Wir Leben Immer Noch (Lucky Number)
I really like Nina Hagen. You either do or you don't and I do.

Pere Ubu- Worlds In Collision
One of my favorite bands. I met Dave Thomas when he visited the station. I said "hello". He said "what's up?"

Brice Woodall- Control Freak
Richmonder who moved to Chicago. I love the way this disc sounds. Dude has a voice and an ear and both are awesome.

Damien Dempsey- Celtic Tiger
Another random internet love-at-first-listen; now a regular on the show. Great songwriter, fookin' brilliant, really.

Mike Watt- Against The 70's
Ex-Minutemen bassist sings a song warning kids not to buy into baby-boomer sentimentality for the 1970'S

Jethro Tull- We Used To Know
Jefferson Starship - Devil's Den
Lou Reed- Vicious
Three baby-boomer songs from the 1970's, played for sentimental reasons.

Paw- Seasoned Glove
This song is sung from the POV of a little boy whose drunken father never comes home at night. I know, kiddo, I know...

Crack The Sky- Lighten Up McGraw
If this guitar riff doesn't kick your ass you don't deserve ears.

The Kinks- Top of the Pops
The music industry has always been full of shit but the Kinks were the first band to do entire albums about it . I love the Kinks.

Robert Anbian and the UFQ- Haikus for the White House
Example:
Haiku Condi
No one so smart
She can't be stupid
Black or white

This disc is brand-new on Edgetone Records. Go buy it.



.....


In this photo (by DJ Charles Williams) the text reads: "Independent Radio Just Got Stronger", but it sort of looks like it says "stranger", not "stronger".

I'm cool with that.

********

Here's the station blog from my turn at the weekly1980's show:

Back in the early 1980's one of my high school teachers brought up the idea that an infinite number of chimpanzees equipped with an infinite number of typewriters would eventually re-create an existing literary classic, such as Shakespeare's Hamlet.

I didn't know what sort of point he was trying to make- it seemed obvious to me that the result would be an infinite number of broken typewriters and the decimation of the rainforests from the production of all those infinite reams of typing paper.

Perhaps, I added without being asked, the Reagan Administration feels that if it provides an infinite number of weapons to an infinite number of chimps, then eventually one of them would write the Peace part of Tolstoy's War and Peace.

Well, I got kicked outta class and spent the afternoon in the woods listening to The Clash's Sandinista! on my boom-box and wondering what the future would be like.
I had no idea how much it would resemble the past.
I'm even listening to the same music.

Oingo Boingo -Wake Up !(It's 1984)
XTC- Wake Up!
Stranglers- Let Me Introduce You to the Family
Listen to that guitar...that's insane...truly whacked.

Keith Levene- Cops Too
The Proclaimers- 500 miles ?
Bernie Krause- Jungle Shoes
The Clash- Police on my Back
This song takes me back...some good, some bad.

Dave Stewart/Barbara Gaskin- Henry and James
Troublefunk- All Over the World
Snakefinger- The Golden King
Snakefinger is one of my all-time guitar heroes. After his only Richmond show, I got high and hung out with him and his band for hours...they were genuinely nice people who couldn't believe that this skinny little kid knew all their songs- I got them to autograph my albums and gave Snake a giant bud for the road. A month later Snakefinger died. I haven't gotten over it yet.

Ozzy- Mister Crowley
Kate Bush-Running up that Hill ( A Deal With God)
Devo- Jerkin' Back and Forth

The only thing that's more fun than playing Ozzy back-to-back with Kate Bush is using Devo to illustrate the irony. Honestly, life really doesn't get much better than this.


Neil Young- No More
It's Neil Young. It's about addiction and the guitar sounds amazing. Mmmmm...

Husker Du- Never Talking to You Again
Dream Syndicate- Until Lately
Grace Jones- Everybody Hold Still
The Damned- Grimly Fiendish
Dukes of Stratosphere- Have You Seen Jackie?
Lou Reed- The Blue Mask
This song is twisted, like totally fucking bent. But it doesn't have any cuss words, so I can play it. Twin feedback guitars, panned hard left and right. It's why Godzilla gave stereo two channels.

Peter Tosh- Bumbo Klaat
You can't even say "Bumbo Klaat" in Jamaica without getting murdered and/or arrested. Seriously. Peter Tosh was a bad-ass motherfucking guitarist, but he wasn't bullet-proof.

The English Beat- Spar Wid Me
King Sunny Ade- Synchro Reprise
Magazine- About the Weather
Played from a 12" 45 rpm record. What an artifact! Nothing sounds better than 12" 45's. Seriously. (78's don't count)

Elvis Costello- Less Than Zero
X- White Girl
Tupelo Chain Sex- The Revolution Will Be Televised
Yello- Desire
My Bloody Valentine- Take My Breath Away
And how.

Cheerful despite it all

I fully intended to spend the day in a goddamn bad mood, I truly did, but sometimes things just don't work out quite the way a feller wants them to. Sometimes stuff goes wrong, even simple things like waking up in a mean-tempered cussin' kind of mood.

I don't reckon this'll make any sense to most of y'all, but on some days- and it ain't often, so don't think I'm askin' for much- some days I just want to be pissed-off. I want to wake up angry and I don't particularly go lookin' to get cheered up, if you see what I'm sayin'.

You might think: "well shit, how hard is that to do? This world ain't nothing but a winking stinkhole and if it wasn't for the rainbows and unicorns in my medicine cabinet I'd be exercising my 2nd Amendment rights until someone stopped me or I ran out of ammo. What's so damned special 'bout bein' mad as hell?"

Well, what makes it special for me is I failed at it and I'm the kind of guy who just don't sit too comfortable with failure. I wish I could say that the reason I don't sit so well with failin' is on account of being accustomed to success, but I can't rightly say that. I just ain't fond of failing , is all I can say.

So anyway, I'm waiting for the bus this morning, just enjoying the sun and reading a book like I always do, and a nice old lady carrying a umbrella starts asking me questions about the bus service.

Now, me and the old lady both know that there ain't a goddamn bit of sense in talking about the bus since there ain't nothin' you can do but wait no matter how much talking gets done, but she just wants to talk because she didn't think to bring a book. It's a sunny day and she's carrying an umbrella , so I speculate to myself that this lady isn't so hot in the thinking department. I'm too much a gentleman to tell her that ,though.

"It'll be here soon," is what I say, which is true, even if I don't exactly know what minute it'll arrive.

She starts describing the weather conditions to me, like we are talking on the phone and I'm somewhere else, somewhere that's always dark and wet and I don't have a fucking clue in my clammy heart what a blue sky looks like. Which is kinda true, but she doesn't know that.

It is beautiful.
I agree with her and keep reading.

In the book, Marvin Molar has snapped. He's tied a rope to the boat's wheel and grabbed a hatchet.

"Oh, what a nice cat", says my wrinkly new pal, pointing across the street. "Here kitty! Here kitty!"

What I feel like saying is :" Lady, that's my fucking cat and it's the second dumbest animal on this planet and if it even thinks you are calling it, it'll probably run over here and get flattened by the goddamn bus we were just talking about. The shock of seeing it will probably kill you and if it doesn't , I might."

"He's a sweetie," is what I say, but I send a look at my cat that says: "Get near the kerb and I'm gonna spank you with a broom." He gets the message and slinks off.

Meanwhile, Marvin has walked in on Hester while she's fucking the Greek. I feel Marvin's anger rising from the pages- its much hotter than mine- and I'm almost envious of the purity of Marvin's rage. Almost.

"Is this the downtown bus?"

"Yes. Right on time."

I don't know if it's on time or not, but I'm trying to be reassuring. All hell is about to break loose in my book and I don't want the old lady to be spooked any more than she has to be, which is sayin' not spooked at all.

The lady boards the bus and hands the driver a twenty. I don't have to be a mind-reader to figure out what he's thinking. He's thinking: "This isn't a fucking taxi."

I'm on the steps below her and I'm thinking that I've got my nose about eighteen inches from a pair of adult diapers. I'm so convinced of this thought that I feel safe in calling it knowledge, which isn't always as great a thing as it's cracked up to be.

But I don't say that. Instead I swipe my bus pass through the meter a second time and smile at both her and the driver.
Such a nice young man.
Everyone smiles back at me. The whole bus is smiling.

In the book, Hester is smiling too. Marvin hits her in the mouth with the hatchet.


It cheers me up and makes me fail at being pissed-off, which would make me angry if I wasn't in such a good mood.

Marvin spins on a fingertip and waits for the Coast Guard.

I go to work and wait for five o'clock.