Make My Day

This morning I substitute-DJed on our weekly British music program, The British Breakfast.
For me, doing a 'British' show pretty much means little more than taking Bob Dylan, Neil Young and Nina Hagen out of my collection.
To demonstrate how easy it is to do a British show, I burned two hours worth of Brit tunes onto CDs, added a few choice bits to the pile and left them all at home.

For two hours I kept reminding myself how easy this show would have been had I brought those CDs with me...but it was a good show nonetheless.


The British Breakfast , April 12 2008


The Clash- I'm So Bored with the USA
Who isn't?

Marianne Faithfull- Broken English
Don't say it in German. Say it in brooookenn English.

Al Stewart- Dark and Rolling Sea
The Move-Don't Make My Baby Blue

Buzzcocks- Fiction Romance

What do you think a 'buzzcock' is? The stuff on the interweb isn't true- can you believe that?
I found the real answer in a book I read a year ago- the book (The Fatal Shore by Robert Hughes) includes a short glossary of 18th century English criminal slang (or cant as Hughes refers to it) - a buzzcock is pretty much the same as a buzz-gloke or a buzzcloak. They hung out with pradnappers, fogle-hunters and bung-divers and the best of them were known as boman prigs. They were given this name because of their rum daddles.

Now give me my wallet back.

Luv Machine- Witch's Wand
From a Schlepalation.

Beatles- Taxman
I couldn't resist this cheap shot. All those IRS ads...I played this song as a public service announcement.

Jethro Tull- King and Country
Back in ye olde days, America had a mad King named George. King George used American taxes to fund foreign wars that the average American didn't particularly support; eventually a revolution was staged, a republic was established and America decided that it would never have a King again.
Funny how that all worked out.

The Open Mind - Magic Potion
It's about getting high. On life, I mean.
Don't use drugs.
This has been a public service announcement.

The Kinks- Brainwashed
"You look like a real human being but you don't have a mind of your own..."

Man, I'm starting to dig the new Battlestar Galactica TV show but I didn't know the Kinks wrote a song about it...in 1972!
Maybe it's about something else.

Alan Parsons- Breakdown
FREEDOM! FREEDOM! WE WILL ALL OBEY!

Damien Dempsey -Celtic Tiger
Where we gonna live, what we gonna do?
We'll have to move in with the Woman-in-the-Shoe

Oh man, don't remind me.

Brian Eno- Baby's On Fire
I think she is. But I'm not tellin'. Much.

Thin Lizzy- Bad Reputation
I very recently learned that two women I know (in real life) have been talking about me.
For weeks!
I didn't even know that they knew each other.
Against all odds and reason, this ongoing dialogue seems to be working in my favor.

Kate Bush -Deal With God
As if to confirm this, I get a wholly unexpected call from the president of my Pacific Northwest Fan Club. She wants some Kate Bush.
Kate Bush?
I have a total of about 75 songs with me-total- and whatta ya know? One of them is by Kate Bush.
Today has a groove.

Clannad- Suil a Ruin
Huh? This was supposed to be a different song... I musta burned the wrong track...this will have to do until my next show, which is in about 12 hours.
It's a fine song and a fine song isn't gonna spoil my groove.

Fairport Convention- The Way I Feel
Is pretty good right now.

The Pretty Things- She Says Good Morning
She did! It was a morning of Good Mornings, which makes for a good morning indeed, if you get what I'm greeting at, 'yknow?
It's the kind of April morning that leads to a June drum circle. Ya with me on this?
Any answer is correct so don't go straining yerself.

One weekend soon, my DJ buddy Buzzy and I are gonna do a two-hour show devoted entirely to the 35+ year history of the Pretty Things.
Seriously. The band deserves it.

Pink Floyd- Biding My Time
Tomorrow morning I get to do this all over again.

Pentangle- Blacksmith
When she sings she will "do her duty", what does she mean? Is this song as sexist as it sounds? It's like 200-year old gangsta rap in threes and with a melody... oh,OK.
It's not like that at all. Or is it?

Stranglers- Under The Name of Spain
What was that about leather breeches?
What is she saying during the middle?
It's in French, so it must be sexy.
Must not think bad thoughts...

Robyn Hitchcock- How Do You Work This Thing?
The record skipped on this song. Twice. It was operator error on my part.
I'm not making that up...what a great song to fuck-up on!

Damien Dempsey- Negative Vibes
This song is all about not letting petty shit ruin your day. Balm, it is and work, it does.

Snakefinger- Bless Me For I Have Sinned

Procul Harum- Long Gone Geek
Omigod, I thought I had Atomic Rooster cued up and I had Procul Harum on instead.
I got laughed at for that.
Color me a brighter shade of fail.

The Pogues- Love You Till The End
I got hit with a brick today, right upside my head. Wham!
But that was after playing this song...and I'll never, ever play Wham!, so don't bother asking.

Robert Fripp- Chicago
With Peter Hammill singing. Pete from Van Der Graff Generator. You knew that.

Damien Dempsey -Hold Me
Feed me first. I'm gonna need the calories. I'm in one of those very practical manic moods.

On the way home I noticed that my passenger side windshield wiper wasn't moving, which kinda sucked since it was pouring rain. It turned out that the threads that hold the arm to the spinning motor had worn out and I'd need a new wiper arm.
When I went to the parts store and told them what make and model I had ( 1990 Volvo 780) , the parts guy shook his head. I'd have to call Volvo- probably cost a hundred bucks or more...on the other hand, he suggested, a tube of Water Weld is only five bucks.

I bought the Weld and it worked like a charm.

On the drive home, the DJ ( who is a very close friend of mine) was playing Nina Hagen's version of the Tubes' classic song 'White Punks on Dope'- the extended mix - in German and with the great guitar hooks at the end!
I have played that same song on my own show and it was a childhood dream come true for me- I can't believe that I have a friend who understands how cool it is to play this song and appreciates Nina Hagen*- actually, I can believe it, but I just felt like sharing.

When I got home I called her.

" You are a total freak! I love you for that."

She seemed OK with hearing that. She played Motorhead.

Motorhead! That's swooning music for me!
I wish I could afford gas- I love driving around with Motorhead cranked...hey, that reminds me...
I was able to fix my car for five bucks earlier today.
Five bucks and twenty minutes.

I called the parts store and asked for the manager.

"You have an excellent employee in [ described parts guy and how he helped me]. Please pass along my thanks, his idea worked perfectly and it made my day."

That last bit was a lie. My day was already made.
I may have a shitty life but I do have some good days and today is one of them.

Oh yeah...wait until I tell you about the 'job offers' that I'm getting from my 'barter' ad on craigslist...it's a post that's writing itself.
Literally.

Till then, have fun and rock safely!

Got Schmooze?

I'd like to thank my stalwart blogpal Sling for this award, even if I'm a bit mystified as to what I did to earn it. A 'community involvement/schmoozing' award is an odd thing for a self-professed subversive, reclusive, anarchistic, iconoclastic and downright anti-social Intertube crackpot to receive...or is it? Up is down, war is peace and American Idol is entertainment, so I suppose that by following that logic, I must be a pillar of strength in the blogosphere; a regular paragon of virtual virtue.

My award-winning humility is one of my myriad superlative qualities, but my rockin' modesty prevents me from listing them all- one of the drawbacks to being the Most Humble Man on Earth is that it doesn't come with bragging rights...but I can boast about some of the people who are lucky enough to have 'met' me online, er, uh...I mean that I have been fortunate enough to meet.
Yeah. That's it.

#1) Whim: Last year, quite a few bloggers with whom I had a passing acquaintance received emails regarding me from a shamelessly self-important blogger with a marginal messiah complex- he was warning them of my nefarious plan to commit suicide on-air during my Sunday morning radio show. I was one of the last people to hear of my own plans, very few folks took the time to write to me and ask me what was going on; most simply accepted this self-appointed arbiter of Blog behavior at his word.
I frequently point out the perils and folly of believing unsubstantiated claims without checking the sources, but a few readers did write to me and ask WTF? Whim was one of them. Whim understands what it feels like to be a survivor, and although we both get depressed at times, neither one of us is in need of a suicide watch. I quit drinking in order to live, not die- that's a major theme of my writing since my illness of 2005. Whim, who has fought to survive as hard as any human can possibly fight, understood this and after a short time she became one of my favorite penpals of all time. Her support during a period when it felt as if nearly the entire blogiverse had turned against me - for no reason- was invaluable in keeping me 'in the game'. I sure hopes she gets back on-line soon.

#2) Jackie Sue :Yellowdog Granny isn't old enough to be my grandmother, but she's cool enough to be my mom. Even her bad moods are funnier than 10,000 sitcoms, and when she starts dissecting the news and adding her own observations, you can see well how she uses humor to cope with a world that she is unblissfully aware of. I am glad she is my friend, because she'd be a formidable adversary. You absolutely DO NOT fuck with her.
Freya watches over this one.
'Nuff said.
(Under those big Texas Titties beats a heart of gold- see her latest post for details.)

#3) Angel: Like Whim, I was introduced to Angel by a blogger who no longer talks to me, but that's OK because Angel still does. She's a unique woman with a heavy load- but she bears it with dignity, humor and just the right amount of outrage. She is active in many blogging groups and has won so many awards that I fear her blog may tip sideways from the weight of all the trophies on her sidebar, but hey, what's one more? I am out-of-my-territory when it comes to child-rearing, but Angel seems to understand parenting and she knows how to get involved with web-networks of parents with similar situations and understands the importance of the support these groups provide. For that alone, she deserves this 'community' award.
(It's a secret fantasy of mine to start a communal ranch and raise domesticated mythological beasts. Angel would be my Dragon-Keeper)

#4) Skeet: I honestly don't know Skeet all that well, but she is an extraordinarily prolific blogger and I especially enjoy her observations on living in Hawaii- it's not what you get from the travel brochures. At one point -perhaps even now- she had numerous blogs on various hosts- like Angel, her sidebar is choc-a-bloc with accolades and blogger community widgets - Skeet does do some 'Post-for-Pay' work and she has been back-handedly criticized for that, but I would like to come to her defense: Life is hard and expensive, her blogs are well-written and she has told me she would not endorse products she found distasteful- I say if she can make a few extra bucks by doing something harmless that she obviously enjoys, then she deserves some respect- a few paid posts, contrary to the opinions of some, will not ruin blogs, blogging or the blogosphere. For all I know, those paid posts might be what pays her Internet bills and make the whole blog possible...always check your facts and sources before you presume to attach motives to the actions of others. Oh yeah, she has some great pics too...except maybe the fried food...that looked nasty, heheh.

#5) Cruel Virgin, AKA, Enemy of the Republic: Anyone who can get 71 comments and answer all of them must be doing something that involves the 'blogging community', the fact that she manages to upset, piss-off and generally outrage some truly stupid commenters indicates that she must be doing something right- she's spiritual, but not dogmatic- I suspect that it's her never-ending critical examination of the Divine that upsets the nutjobs, at least one of whom seems to really, really want to sleep with her, despite her frequently mentioned marriage . That thinly veiled desire is about the only comment from that person that makes sense to me. Smart women are sexy as hell and EotR is very smart.


#6) CS- CS has picked up on the usefulness of blog as therapy, she's had some major turmoil but manages to find some peace and beauty -or at least insight and irony- in nearly all her works. I think she's be a fun person to hike with..."ooooh, look at this" would be a phrase heard often, I imagine. Did I mention that smart women are sexy?
There is a cleansing, transitional quality to her recent posts, which seem to appear every sixty seconds or so, complete with photos that bring vicarious joy to my precarious state of mind.
For these brief moments of beauty, I have added one more blogger to the mandated list of five.
I never was very good at following rules...some are better broken.

#7) Craig D.- CD understands the beauty of truly cheesy LPs and he is an unabashed punster. I find these to be admirable qualities. It wasn't until recently that I found out that he also has a history of Rockin'...on the trombone! I think he eventually switched to MIDI banjo or something...in any case, he's almost as famous as I am, so you better treat him right. Don't misunderestimate the trombonist -or bassist or whatever- if you can play original music in front of a live audience, you are already ahead of 9o% of people who merely own a musical instrument. Keep on 'Bonin'!

NEXT: Bridges, and how to burn them.

My Head Is My Only House Unless It Rains

A double-shot of programs this weekend.
First, Songs From The Big Hair, our weekly 1980's show. This week I was training JY, a new volunteer. She has previous DJ experience and picked up our system easily; it was nice having another person in the booth.
DJing is sort of a lonely job, y'know? Like being a lighthouse keeper or something.



SONGS FROM THE BIG HAIR

Replacements- Go
12" vinyl on 45rpm. Hi-Fidelity! Go! Go! Oh, wait...later for them.

Danielle Dax- Big Hollow Man
I call my program 'The New Breakfast Snob' in honor of Michael Hawkesworth, the original Breakfast Snob. Mike had an all-nighter show on Park City, Utah's NPR station. He let me hang out while he played weird art rock and experimental punk. Among other things, he turned me onto Danielle Dax . Mike and I once played live on his station, doing a Residents-style Casio, feedback and poetry jam...Mike, this one's for you.

God will provide the way You read about it every day -I'm tellin' ya All you gotta do is pray And furnish His house with silver

X- Poor Girl
So, like, if you call me with a serious problem and you ask me to help you, I will.
And I won't take it lightly. But don't talk to me when you are drunk, because being drunk is your problem.
You should know better.

Lou Reed- Don't Talk to me About Work
This is another sore subject.

George Clinton- Tweakin'
Chuck D joins George C for some serious slammin'.
Hookin' into the extra input...

Oingo Boingo- No Spill Blood
Who makes the rules? Someone else!
This is Danny Elfman's old band. Great arrangements and lyrics...now go watch The Forbidden Zone.

The Kinks - Add it Up
So I have done the math, see? And it doesn't add up.
It never does.
I can triple-check it, but it won't help. The error is caused by a constant variable and it all adds up to nothing.

The Stranglers- Ice Queen
I was never sure of the accurate score...and so it goes.

The Damned - Grimly Fiendish
Yep.

The Soft Boys- I Got the Hots for You

Well, yeah, whatever. *yawn* So what else is new?

Meat Puppets- Meat Puppets
It's amazing that the Meat Puppets were allowed to record a second album. Their first one is almost unlistenable.
Their second LP is a modern Lo-Fi classic.
This is from the first album.

Snakefinger- The Model
Former Residents guitarist Snakefinger does a great cover of a Kraftwerk orange.


Lizzy Mercier Descloux - Wawa
Antena - Easy Street
Pet Shop Boys - West End Girls
New Order - Thieves Like Us

I let JY fly solo for a couple cycles while I listened in another room, filling out her evaluation. Before she went on she asked :"Is 'West End Girls' too Top 40?"
I didn't want to admit that I had no idea what a 'Pet Shop Boy' sounds like, so I said, sure, play it.
Now I remember...aaargh...yeah, it is too Top 40.
Nevertheless, I gave her high marks in every category because she earned them- welcome to the station, JY!

Chameleons - Up the Down Escalator
The Go Go's - We Got The Beat
Psychedelic Furs -Sleep Comes Down
Cowboy Junkies - Sweet Jane

JY's second set- The Furs reminds me of...well, nevermind. It's a fond memory.
Whim enjoyed the Chameleons, which I second...thanks for tuning in!

Crack the Sky-All the Things We Do
Am I the only living Crack the Sky fan? These guys were great- they used to play around Baltimore when I was a teen. Terrific band, but I think there were problems-nevertheless , John Palumbo rocks! Meat guitar played with a scalpel, not a cleaver.

Pere Ubu- Bus Called Happiness
It passes without stopping, splashing mud on my trousers as it roars past.
I hear the laughter of aquatic mammals. They are laughing at me.

XTC- Poor Skeleton Steps Out
Joey D. Viver!

Nena- 99 Red Balloons
This song is about nuclear annihilation. Let's take it one step further- how about we divide the world's nukes into two equal piles and place one pile at the North Pole and one at the South Pole?
Bam! The polar icecaps become a gigantic cloud of cleansing radioactive steam! All of humanity's problems are solved in an instant.

Elvis Costello- Poisoned Rose
Dude.

Cocteau Twins- Violane
Years ago , one of my female friends asked me why I liked this CD, they told me that straight punk dudes weren't supposed to like the CT's.
But this CD sounds so good it's impossible for me to dislike. Production...how did you get that sound? I bought my first set of condenser microphones after hearing this record.
That's why I like it.

Talking Heads- Once in A Lifetime
Same as it ever was...


( For deep delving into the video vaults of the 1980's go directly here: the Eighties)
-------------------------------------------

The following morning found me back on-the-air, this time it's my weekly show:
THE NEW BREAKFAST SNOB

Steeleye Span- Blackleg Miner
Feeling like some Celtic beats this morning, this is a recent acquisition and it sets me up nicely.

Fairport Convention- The Way I Feel
This version of the Gordon Lightfoot song is wonderful. The way I feel is not.

Maire Brennan- Beating Heart
Does she mean 'beating heart' as in 'beating a baby seal to death with a baseball bat?'
I don't think so, but that's what I hear anyway.

Claanad- The Other Side
Maire Brennan is the lead singer for this group, which has several members with the surname Brennan. Like a family or something...more great production.

Pentangle - The Hunting Song
"Whoever said, 'the heart is a lonely hunter' should have their head stuffed and mounted above my mantelpiece."
-AB

Velvet Underground- Sunday Morning
Yes it is. This song, like the one before it, features bells. Bells trail off, bells lead in; it's an epic cross-fade.
A beautiful moment of transcendental DJ bliss. I wish someone else had heard it.

Damien Dempsey- The Jar Song
Damien Dempsey sings about getting drunk with the likes of Shane MacGowan...have one for me , boys!

The Kinks - Mr. Pleasant
Last week's listener request, filled too late- which sort of fits with the theme of the song...

Sweetwater- Crystal Spider
Look. I like trippy 60's bands with chick singers. I just do. OK? Sheesh...

The Pretty Things - October 26
If I wanted to/could I depend on you/...my friend?
And the guitar sadly shakes it's head and walks away.

Loreena McKennitt- Caravanserai
I want to be a Druid. Really, that's how good this is.

Tom Waits- Shake
If you bastards don't behave, Tom is gonna show up at your door with a gun totin' preacher, a pair of knife-wielding hookers and a wagon-full of hot tubes. Enough!

Eleanor McCovey- Whisper and Prayer
Haven't I heard this somewhere before? It all sounds familiar.

The Wipers- No One Wants an Alien
Yeah. I know that. I really do.

Jade Warrior- Three Horned Dragon King
This record has an op-art pinwheel on the label instead of a song list. When it spins, you get dizzy if you look at it. Groovy.

The Alan Parsons Project- The Raven
I feel a strong affinity with E. Allan Poe and I love Alan Parsons' production.
I should do an 'all-Allan' show one day...oh, nevermind. I did that last year.

The Stranglers- The Raven
I LOVE the Stranglers. A lot. Angry keypunk! And that bass has serious growls, like a hungry Tyrannosaurus, y'hear that?

King Crimson- Model Man
Look for the signs/ look for the symptoms...
Not a model man/not a saviour or a saint/imperfect in a word/make no mistake
but I/give you everything I have/ take me as I am ...

Dude.That and two bucks will get you a cup of coffee.

The Who - Faith in Something Bigger
Inside ourselves.

Motorhead- I Don't Believe a Word
Neither do I. I want to believe, but I don't. Sorry.

Robyn Hitchcock- Midnight Fish
This album is on opaque white vinyl. That makes it very difficult to see the groovy decay between the songs...it's a good thing that I'm an expert, otherwise playing this could be dangerous.

Television- Prove It
Or not. I already knew that.

Cop Shoot Cop - Two at a Time
Using up your lucky days two at a time...

Neil Young- Welfare Mothers
I really wanted to play this on Mother's Day- my mom had a wicked sense of humour and would have approved- she gave me this album!- but I decided to wait until today.
Neil shoulda got an award for bein' so gentle and extra-sensitive...dee- vorrrr-ceeee...

Be Bop Deluxe- Panic in the World
The more things change, the more they don't.

Capt. Beefheart- Crazy Little Thing
How'd ya get a name like Crazy Little Thing? Maybe it was the name that drove you crazy all along

Pere Ubu- Nobody Knows
Sure they do. They just don't care.

Jethro Tull- Teacher
Ah, there's slight problem with your term paper. You see, I Googled your subject- Franco's rebellion- and it appears that you just printed an entire article from Wikipedia.
Leaving the URL at the bottom of the printed page was a dead giveaway.
Still, I'm giving you a C-minus just so I don't have to look at your stupid face next year.

Can't See the Forest

Cool. A NYT travelogue of Flannery O'Connor landmarks. I love her stories but I don't think I've read her correspondence - for instance , I didn't know she was nearly incapacitated with illness, or that she wrote for three hours each day...interesting stuff.

This is a good description of notable O'Connor characters ( I have helpfully added the story titles w/ links) :

O’Connor’s characters shimmer between heaven and hell, acting out allegorical dramas of sin and redemption. There’s Hazel Motes('Wiseblood'), the sunken-eyed Army veteran who tries to reject God by preaching “the Church of Christ Without Christ, where the blind don’t see, the lame don’t walk and what’s dead stays that way.” Hulga Hopewell ('Good Country People'), the deluded intellectual who loses her wooden leg to a thieving Bible salesman she had assumed was as dumb as a stump. The pious Mrs. Turpin('Revelation'), whose heart pours out thank-yous to Jesus for not having made her black or white trash or ugly. Mrs. Freeman, the universal busybody: “Besides the neutral expression that she wore when she was alone, Mrs. Freeman had two others, forward and reverse, that she used for all her human dealings.”
( Also GCP, here's the entire short story-ed.)

The writer of the article lacks O'Connor's eye. The next paragraph continues with this:

People like these can’t be real, and yet they breathe on the page.

Later, the writer is describing his own travels through the 'modern' American South-(emphasis mine):

Strip malls have long since filled the gap between town and farm, and you now find Andalusia by driving past a Wal-Mart, a Chik-fil-A and a Lowe’s Home Improvement Warehouse, where a man shot his wife and killed himself a few days before I arrived. You pass a billboard for Sister Nina, a fortune teller who reads palms in a home office cluttered with votive candles and pictures of Catholic saints. (To judge from one consultation, she is capable of divining that a visitor is a bearer of dark sorrows, but not exactly skilled at pinpointing what those sorrows might be.)

These are the kind of characters and stories that O'Connor wrote about- the author of the travelogue denies their existence in one paragraph and describes them in the next.
He's surrounded by the modern version of O'Connor's world and he doesn't recognize it.

People like that can be real- they are real- and they are all around you: at work; in stores; at school; in mirrors- they are everywhere- if you know how to look.

Shows

It's just a microphone, don't be shy...

Two radio shows this weekend :

Sat 3-5 PM EST , Songs From the Big Hair -the 80's show:
All I have to do is play two hours of Eighties music. How hard can that be?
Too difficult for me, apparently...tomorrow's 80's show has a 1979 theme- a lot of great records came out that year - ones that influenced the "new wave" "no wave" and second generation punk to follow.
Bill Nelson, XTC, NY Gong, Wire,Gary Numan & Tubeway Army, the Clash...these guys were doing 80'S music in1979- my kinda 80's music anyway, which involves loud guitars and angry, socio-political lyrics... well, sometimes anyway- my tastes are wide and fickle...I'll be playing real- life vinyl LP 'record albums'-the younger reader probably has no idea
what a 'record album' even is... think of them it as a read-only Zip disc the size of a small frozen pizza; like a pizza it is packaged in a decorative cardboard sleeve; like a Zip you just don't see them that much anymore...I'm tempted to microwave an album right now, just to see what happens.

Has anyone out there already done this to a record?

I nuked a light bulb once. Highly not recommended.

...I don't think many of the bands I'll be playing have video- I didn't even own a TV between 1985 and 1990 so I never saw many vids...I miss not having a TV.

If they do have videos, I imagine they'll eventually show up here on this great new 1980's video source- I'm not sure exactly who runs this site...I suspect it's what the guys who really sang on the Milli Vanilli record are doing today, not being able to have a proper 'reunion' and all...but I might be wrong. Anyway, that record sold a zillion copies so whoever they are, they know what they are doing.

Sun Jan 7 , 7 am- The New Breakfast Snob-
This is my regular weekly show and I play a truly eclectic mix from my own collection, usually loosely based on whatever my prevailing mood is...and I'm always happy when I'm on air- I've even had my heart shattered while I was on air and lived to laugh about it- I have a feeling Ima gonna feel like rockin' tomorrow morning- I usually play more gentle material but I feel like tearing shit up - overall it's actually been a good week and that makes me crave guitars. Loud-ass guitars.

Happy New Year

Other than being accused of sociopathic behavior it's been a pretty good New Years Eve, even made it to (almost now) midnight- and if you think sitting alone at home blogging is sad, you would be right .

But being drunk and destructive and probably in some sort of trouble would be a lot worse.

Some things that help make tonight better:

First, I was concerned that some of my friends may have somehow gotten the wrong impression from an earlier post- this is second hand info- I have contacted my closest friends and so far no one seems to think I offed myself- so I feel a little better, hopefully it'll pass without harm or more fuss. Oh, oops, nevermind- I did fuck up. I didn't mean to-I really think it's a terrible mistake-but that doesn't matter. I did it if you think I did it and any seed of doubt you have about me might as well be a conviction. I thought I was pretty clear my plans didn't involve suicide , but obviously I wasn't. I had no reason, nothing to gain by trying to do what you claim I did and it stuns me that it's even an issue, that you trust me so little.
If you really cared, you would give me the benefit of the doubt instead of this merciless, unforgiving rush to judgement.
There's nothing else I can say about this.



Anway, if you haven't ditched me by now, I had a great radio show this morning. There were techie glitches, but I am ultra-smooth (lucky) and somehow muddled thru -check this out- I didn't get the suicide mails I was told about, but I did get a fan letter from Canada. First Sweden, France, Mexico, theUK , now Canada- my Fan Club grows every week:

Hi Allan,

My name is Elvin and I have recently started listening to WRIR on the web here in Toronto Canada. I heard your program for the first time a couple of weeks ago and really enjoyed your variegated selection of tunes. I just had a few general questions about the show that i hoped you could answer.

Q1. What is it called?

Q2. When does it air and do you usually get started right on time?

Q3. Do you host the entire show by yourself every week, or do you often have a co host/fill-in?

Q4. Who regularly fills in when you are away?

Q5. Are there any news headline updates, community news updates or regular features during the program and, if so, when do they air?

Q6. Is this a permanent time slot for your program, or does the station's schedule change every semester?

You guys have a great station: keep up the good work!

Best and happy new year!
Elvin

I wrote him back promptly, thanked him and answered all his questions. Little things matter. I made someone in Toronto happy just by doing what I love to do.
Cool.

Third, the Twin just sent email from Chicago, so I know he arrived safely. I may move there when it gets warmer, it's a crazy, fucked-up lovable city. A job would help, the Twin maybe could help- a job means I don't have to crash at his place, so finding work for me is in his best interest ,heh!

Last, but not least, my part-time Blogpal Susanne has really done me right- out of the blue she calls me and tells me to expect a knock on my door in about 45 minutes, but don't worry...good thing, otherwise I mighta flushed my stash...anyway, the knock arrives as promised and it's Pizza Guy and he's got a pile of pizzas and goodies, courtesy of Susanne and I swear it's probably the first time a pizza boy ever saw a grown man weep over a stack of pizzas, but it really meant a lot to me.
Susanne, your timing was PERFECT, thankyou!
Susanne has also helped me produce a legitimate resume so maybe I can stop bitching about not having a job and start bitching about having a job instead.

So I can start the year well fed and, if I can't be happy, at least I'm not mortified.
Who am I kidding? I'm pretty set right now.
You should see all this food- the only reason I'm not grinning is my mouth is full!

Happy New Year