Radio Giveaway

This is what my 1pm radio show looked like at 11:40 this morning. Each  block represents a song or an audio file and some files are not like the others. The newer songs (post-199ish) are shown as giant lime slabs- the older tunes appear as jagged waves with visible peaks and valleys. Any guess as to which type of file has a more natural sound?
 

This flower was blooming in my uncle's backyard on Thanksgiving afternoon.

Life is hardy stuff, something that I need to keep in mind as I gird my loins in preparation for my fifth return to work this year. I have been told that I can expect to work until July of next year but there is still a lot of 2009 remaining- if I get lucky,  I could get laid-off and re-hired two more times before New Years Day.

There has been a flurry of  inter-continental activity and recent reports indicate that the first pair of Monday Machines songs are coming together nicely. It's a new and challenging endeavor, recording original music with people who are thousand of miles away- we never rehearse as a full group and I have never actually met any of my band-mates in person.

I find it odd but somehow satisfying that my new band has over 50 fans despite having absolutely no released songs- I mean, I  played in bands for years, bands with dozens of songs but rarely drawing fifty people to a show-  and now we have a fan club of fifty but we have no songs.

If you are a fan of irony, then you are a fan of Monday Machines.  Sign up here. It'll be worth it.

Perhaps this winter will bring less than it's usual share of discontent. I have a job, a radio show, a band, lots of old friends  and a pair of great new friends to go with all of it.  My music and my work will sustain me through the holiday season and my brother is coming to visit in December...it may wind up being a decent end to a profoundly mixed year.

Happiness? It could happen.


_______________________________________

The New Breakfast Snob , November 28, 2009 1pm-3pm


R.Crumb - Confessions of R.Crumb
Pink Floyd- Fearless
Can- Vitamin C
Astronauts of Antiquity- Soup du Jour
Faust- Flashback Caruso
Green Man- Shiny Penny
Frames- Sideways Down
Cary Grace- Firefly

Pretty Things- Sickle Clowns

The Clash - Lost In The Supermarket
Joe Strummer- Get Down Moses
Snakefinger- Kill The Great Raven
Soft Boys- I Got The Hots

Pentangle- Rain and Snow
Richard Thompson- Tear Stained Letter
Warren Zevon- Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead
XTC- Senses Working Overtime
Strawbs- Tears and Pavan
Radiohead- Bodysnatchers
Aphrodesia- Think Suffer
Arvel Bird- No Problem
Carrie Rodriguez- She Ain't Me
HuDost- Trespasser
Garbage- #1 Crush
Kaiser Cartel- Okay
King Crimson- Thela Hun Ginjeet

Saturday November 21, 2009


Opal - Magick Power
Mazzy Star- Bells Ring
Snakefinger- The Model
Mothers of Invention- Let's Make The Water Turn Black
Cary Grace - Vanishing
Gong- Flying Teapot
Frames- Revelate
Pentangle- Mirage
Golden Palominos- Anything
Mike Watt- Against The 70;s
Belly- Gepetto
Danielle Dax- 16 Candles

Zerfas- The Sweetest Part

Dare Dukes- Ballad of Darius McCollum

The Potentials- Mayday Baby/ Next Attraction (w/ in-studio interview)

Neil Young- Over and Over
Cardiacs- Manhoo
Eleni Mandell- Pirate Song
Funkadelic- I'll Stay
The Faces-You Can Make Me Dance, Sing or Anything
Chris Huff-For the Trees
Pere Ubu- Love Love Love
Damien Dempsey- Teachers

Until next time...

Cross

From President Obama's inaugural speech:

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:
"Let it be told to the future world ... that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive... that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet it."

Who said that? When?
***************************************************

The Boss brought a TV into the office and granted us permission to cease operations and watch the Presidential inauguration. There were about thirty of us, men and women, black and white, aged 20 to 70, all gathered around a desk in the middle of the converted school-house auditorium that serves as our office.

The music was great. The oath was a little clumsy, but the speech was wonderful, I love having a President who can weave a coherent narrative out of history's threads.
I'm proud to have a Smart President. There is an entire generation growing up that doesn't know what that feels like-today's 9th-graders don't know anything but a "post 9/11" world.
Pity, that.

It's difficult to say which sight was more moving: the TV proceedings or the actual tears I witnessed in the office.

No, it's not difficult. Most of my co-workers are black and many of them are old enough to remember Jim Crow and what "separate but equal" really means...there were tears of joy in eyes around the office and that joy was contagious. I can't pretend I understand what they were feeling, but I could tell it was powerful, and in a good way.

After the break, work resumed as usual, but morale was excellent. We had a "pot-luck" luncheon and I enjoyed a fresh cup of coffee from our brand-new coffeepot. Obama invoked images of Valley Forge in his speech- at least we have food and shelter.

The next time I complain about our fax machine, I'll remember that George Washington's Continental Army didn't have a working fax machine either- hell, many of them didn't have shoes- and they somehow managed to defeat England and let our Founders establish America and write the Constitution, which led to our office existing- our operation is written into the Constitution itself, :

Article 1, Section 2: "The actual Enumeration shall be made within three Years after the first Meeting of the Congress of the United States, and within every subsequent Term of ten Years, in such Manner as they shall by Law direct."

Article 1, Sec 2 was slightly modified by the 14th Amendment. Black fractions became whole humans in 1868, untaxed Indians excluded.
(If you think the previous sentence is contorted, you should read the 14th amendment itself. Whew.)

It's ironic to note that the school in which our office is housed was built in 1917 and was legally "Whites Only" until 1962 and remained primarily a "White" school until it closed it's doors in 1979. Many of my staff would have been forbidden to attend classes there as children.

Me, I'm just happy to have a Smart Prez. The rest is up to us- we will, as it has been said, get the leadership we deserve.

What do we deserve?

Forty Four

Finally. It's over.

I couldn't help myself- I watched endless TV coverage last night and I was almost frantic at one point:

*click*
Talking Head 1: "The map looks just like the 2004 model"

*click*
TH 2: " It's shaping up to look like 2004 again. Obama hasn't "flipped" any Red states."

*click*
TH 3: " With half of the votes in, McCain leads Obama by eight points in Virginia."

*click*
Screen: Live footage of white men in suits scrutinizing Florida ballots.

No way. This can't be happening, I thought. Not again.

It wasn't and it didn't. Even my state turned Blue once the 'urban' votes were tallied.
Nationally, it was a decisive victory for Obama. Internationally, it was a clear signal to the world that the American Dream hasn't expired quite yet, that it's a little too soon to pull the plug on Democracy.

But it would be pure folly to pin all of our hopes on one human being. That human would not have been elected if a significant number of Americans hadn't been able to set aside generations of prejudice, fear and wrongful thinking and cast their ballots for someone different.

That's huge, and that's where we need to keep working.

Both candidates, in their post-election speeches, encouraged their supporters to respect and support their opponent, but neither audience seemed to be particularily enthused about that idea. One brief TV clip showed a "White Supremist" claiming that the Obama presidency would be a boon for the White Power movement, he predicted a resurgence in the KKK and other hate groups as a reaction to the Fear of A Black President...the news, mercifully, cut him off in mid-rant.
But that hate is still there.

One fun moment came during a Chris Matthews interview with disgraced former Republican Majority Leader, Tom Delay (R-TX). Delay spouted a few minutes of 1950's-era rhetoric about how the liberals were going to ruin the country and destroy the world...a nonplussed Matthews just laughed and told Delay : " It must be wonderful to hate like you do. When you hate like that, you always know where you stand." It took Delay a few seconds to realize that it wasn't a compliment.

Hate is ugly and it's not going away but we owe it to our country to do our best to kill hatred instead of each other.

That's not asking a lot. Is it?

What Now?

Uhm, yeah...that'll happen...I hope not.

*************************

I'm in the Obama camp, but I think that the longer Hillary stays in the race, the better. The current buzz about how this long, painful campaign is "tearing apart" the Democratic Party is overwrought and incorrect- the American voter doesn't have much in the way of long-term memory and the intramural mudslinging of today will be forgotten by November- there are actually some very good reasons to continue the Democratic contest all the way to the end:

- Each State primary so far has seen an unprecedented registration of new voters, the majority of which lean toward the Democrats.

-More primaries=more new voters= more Democratic votes.

- One can rest assured that there is a 'Swift-Boat' style smear campaign being readied for use against Obama. Sen. Obama has done well so far, heading off any "did you inhale?" nonsense by admitting that, yeah, he got high once upon a time ( who hasn't?)...and he acquitted himself nicely on the ridiculous Reverend What's-his-name kerfluffle...but who knows what sort of dirt the GOP smear machine has unearthed?
A series of lurid sexual accusations, with or without factual basis?
A business contract or court case that left someone feeling burned,real or imagined?
A Polaroid of Obama wearing a lampshade on his head and waving a bong around?


-Whatever ammunition they will find or fabricate, the Republicans will probably keep it quiet until the Democratic nomination is decided. If a damning thing exists, the odds that it gets prematurely leaked increase the longer the campaign drags on; the sooner it gets out, the sooner the target-presumably Obama- can respond and attempt to defuse it. I can only hope that the Democrats learned a lesson from John Kerry's lose-at-any-cost strategy...

-I'm glad Hillary went 'negative' on Obama. If he can't survive an attack from the Clintons, he certainly can't survive the merciless Republican assault that will begin in earnest once the Dem race is decided. If something in his character or past makes him unelectable, let's get it out now while there's still another horse in the race.
Assuming Obama is the nominee, he can weaken any Republican regurgitation of Clinton attacks by simply accusing the GOPers of repeating the "lies" of Hillary Clinton...

If Hillary can pull out the nomination by pandering to the "hard-working white voters", then she will prove that America isn't ready for a Black President. Better we learn that lesson now than in November. It would be a bitter pill but not a surprising one.

- The polls stating that x percentage of one Democratic hopeful will not vote for the other Democrat in the national election are irrelevant. As I said, the American voters suffer from collective ADD and these polls are merely snapshots of a fleeting 'sour grapes' moment... Democrats (and Americans in general) are a lot more united in their desire to cast off the Pall of Bush than the TV talkers realize. In November, the people who voted in the primaries will support the Dem- whomever it turns out to be.

- The longer the campaign runs, the more time and consideration can be put into the Vice-Prez choice...no decision needs to be made until the nominee is official. It's impossible to deny that Clinton has the credentials for the position, but I doubt that'll happen, despite the already considerable pressure for Obama to choose her...will she accept, even if offered? Unlikely.
In any case, I doubt that adding her to the ticket will bring many independent and moderate McCain-leaning votes to the left, it may even alienate more than a few voters...Obama would be better served by choosing a moderate white male Veep, preferably one with unassailable military bona fides- former Navy Secretary and current Sen. Jim Webb (D-VA), comes to mind...retired General Wesley Clark is another.

There Is Always Hope

As Obama is prone to saying, there is hope. I hope the Republicans do something so monumentally stupid that it ruins any hope they have for the fall.
What would suffice?

Imagine this somewhat far-fetched scenario:
Obama wins and nominates Clinton as his running mate. McCain, in a vain attempt to embrace the 'diversity' vote, nominates Sec. of State Condeleeza Rice as his VP. As a result, the bigoted and/or sexist voter will have no one at all to vote for- one ticket has a black and a woman and the other party has a black woman. Stay home and watch the race on TV, skip the election...

On the downside, a McCain/Rice ticket is so abominable that it might actually win. Just in case, here's a picture of Condi dancing half-naked on the coffins of Iraq War casualties. It's obviously a fake, but so what? The 'Swift Boats for Truth' were obvious liars and they wrecked Kerry in 2004.



Don't forget to vote.

Ifs

This is my grandmother's backyard on a sunny afternoon.

It seems unlikely that my 87-year old grandmother will ever see her home again, she has been in a medically induced coma since last week; after having surgery she suffered a heart attack and now has a severe case of pneumonia as well as renal failure- at the moment her lungs and kidneys are operating with machine assistance, if the pneumonia clears and her renal functions resume, the doctors might try to wake her up. She would be in terrible pain were she to awaken now, so it's best that she sleeps until the machines aren't needed any longer. If.
No one knows if her brain was damaged- there are signs of stroke but it's impossible to know for sure until -if- she wakes up. If.

I'm back at my apartment now, have been for a couple days- there isn't anything I can do at hospital except sit in the ICU and wait.
There's a person on a bed there and the tag has my grannie's name on it, but I barely recognize the tiny withered creature on the bed- it's hard to determine where all the tubes and machines end and the grandmother begins.
It's not how I want to remember her.

Back home, I'm trying to get my life back in motion but it's really hard to do- the phone rings a lot and I have to tell the same frustrating endless story over-and-over again, there isn't any "upside", it's a matter of really bad/dead...I appreciate their concerns but it's getting very hard to find comforting or optimistic things to say- the truth is that she will either die soon or she will die later- recovery of any sort is almost impossible at this point and her living will precludes (thankfully) being maintained in a vegetative state.

Many of my recent phone conversations have been marked by long, awkward silences.

I had a job interview this week with the old Bank- I can't believe they would have me again but stranger things have happened- it's for a short-term tax-season gig but the pay is at my 2000 level (almost double my 2007 rate) so I could save up a nice bit in the two months they will have me- if they hire me.
One more phone call that I'm waiting for...sigh. If.

Yesterday I made and enjoyed a fantastic meal: A juicy sirloin steak; baked potato; spinach salad and glazed carrots- the steak was provided by a friend I met through blog; eating it reminded me of something that I often forget- that most people are good and we often do what we can to help each other out- for instance, I haven't had any problem finding substitutes for my sorely-missed radio shows, despite my odd time-slot.
Likewise, I've had more than a few people offer financial help- luckily, I've been scraping by
(Magic cards are sold) but that doesn't lessen the gesture or make me less appreciative.
I know that some of you have been on one or more ends of the "give/receive" deal and I hope that you agree that it's a 'win/win' situation, free of shame or indebtedness.

In the past I've been somewhat reluctant to accept what one might call "charity", but that view has changed quite a bit as I have aged- the old adage "it's better to give than to receive" doesn't quite reflect the reality- what's "better" depends on circumstance- if times are bad, it's "better" to receive; if times are good, it's "better" to give, but it's really part of the same feeling- that warm fuzzy glow one gets when one realizes that we are all (or should be) on the same side. It's what makes humans...human.


Soon I'll return to politics, current events and cynicism, but for now I just want to say 'hello', 'thank you' and that I look forward to returning to life-and to blog- soon.
If.

Pause

My grandmother had a heart attack Friday following her surgery. She's in an induced coma and may never wake up. All we can do is pace the floor and wait. I will be going home soon.

I might not be around blog much in the near future so I wanted to say thanks for all the wonderful
gifts, wishes, candles and prayers that have been sent this way; this long ordeal has left me feeling rather isolated in real life ( I hate inflicting my woes on people who can't escape with a click) but I find comfort and reassurance in knowing that there are people all over the world who care.
That's amazing.

See you soon,
Allan

Trying etc.

For years I was what is known as a 'maintenance drunk' and one of the things I was able to maintain was a body weight of 198 lbs., which made it impossible for me to fit
into the suit I'm wearing in the pic to the left.

Once, back in 2001, I drank eleven Natural Ice beers in the two hour period preceding a job interview for assistant manager at a large retail shoe store.At the interview I was drunker than a lovesick astronaut, but I somehow still got the job...on 9/11, 2001, I was promoted to store manager.


In hindsight, getting promoted on 9/11 was a bad sign.

By January 2002, the store's ownership and myself had reached an agreement: I would withdraw my unemployment claim and they would convince our regional manager not to file assault charges against me for throwing a Nine West boot at his head . He's lucky that my arm was in a sling at the time...seriously.

I am a very adaptive and capable person, but there are some jobs that I am wholly unsuited for; selling shoes, thank Godzilla, is one of them.

One thing that I know I'm really good at is putting books on a shelf. CDs too.

So I donned my suit and went to a job interview at the Public Library. The meet went really well, I thought. I was able to answer all of the questions easily and kept my two-person interview team smiling throughout- the atmosphere at the library was a lot more relaxed than I'd come to expect from my old job, which was in a truly uptight law firm.

The position I was seeking involves shelving books and little else.
After our session, I was told that I'm considerably overqualified for shelving books and that the position is only part-time. Would I still be interested?

Hmmm....

I asked about advancement from within. Mrs. J, the older woman who was interviewing me, told me she had started working PT in 1974 and was retiring soon...well, OK, then.
I'm officially interested!

I hope to hear back next week- in any case, it felt good to have an honest-to-gosh job interview. It has been a long time since I'd been to one, a real one anyway. Phone and web stuff...not so good.

It's also been a long time since I've been on a real date.
I have a date tomorrow night.
Dinner and conversation with someone I've known and liked for a long time. We met shortly before I quit drinking, so she's already seen me at my worst...tomorrow I hope to be at my best. My friend has seen me pull off some pretty amazing accomplishments( if I do say so) but to me the most amazing thing of all would be if she were to like me as much as I like her, which is to say considerably.

That's all I'm sayin'.

Some Good Things

Our station manager came through at the last minute with a brand-new mixing console to replace the broken piece-o-shit that has been making my life miserable- it's a nice one, a new Yamaha -it's got a simple over/easy compressor limiter built into eight of the mic pre-amps, which is a great idea. I like it.

I got to test out the board on local band Conshafter yesterday, they came in and played a few songs live at the station, helping to support our fund drive. I must admit I've been in a deep funky mood lately- not the good George Clinton kind of funky either- but the cheerful enthusiasm of Conshafter really picked me up. Their drummer couldn't make it, but they set up and played anyway and were delightful, they had a great rapport with their radio audience and had me laughing more than once- the singer said something like: " Now don't judge the station on what you're hearing now- they usually play much better music than us."

Godzilla bless musicians who can laugh at themselves.
















A really good production session is better than drugs for elevating my spirits. There's a certain buzz that is unique to producing live radio- we are all (save one) volunteers and we do what we do because we love music- and if you love music, what could be better than having your own radio station?

Tonight we had an art opening fundraiser party at a gallery downtown- I really didn't want to do sound for it - I hate live club sound, I love studio production , and there's a huge difference 'tween the two-but I was grumpily and reluctantly conscripted into doing sound.
It started off okay, with my long-time friend Ron and pals playing some old- timey tunes on bandolin ( a hybrid mandolin/banjo) banjo-guitar and some other things that may or may not have been banjos...but then things went south fast.

It seemed like every time I blinked, some kid was showing up with a guitar and telling me he was on the bill...uh, uh, I said- two bands was what I was told. Well, it turns out my colleague who planned the event told a a lot of people they could play...out of the four solo performers, three were so awful that I seriously considered walking home and saying fuck this, I do this for free because I love good music- and these guys are awful...well, one was really good, actually, but I hate being an accomplice to bad music and that's what I was for three hours-I came very close to snatching one dude's guitar and clubbing him with it, but his parents had a vidcam and I figured that they'd probably use that as evidence against me ...finally I went outside - or tried to.

I couldn't get ten paces without beautiful young women literally throwing themselves at me- I had to pause for many hugs and squeezes- couldn't they see what a rotten mood I was in?
Well, it's hard to be in a bad mood when one is getting sandwich hugs from sweet women, so I cheered up pretty quickly, let me tell you.

Anyway, the main band, Marionette, was getting ready to go on- they are a full band with six vocalists- I had no time for flirting while they got started and once they got going, I was amazed...they combine elements of Eno, Pere Ubu, Sonic Youth, Phil Manzanera-really diverse influences. I enjoyed the hell out of their set and the well-done videos that played on a screen behind them. I'd love to produce an album by them.

I'll be seeing Marionette again tomorrow, they will be playing live at the station 5-7 pm. I'm looking forward to that.

I'm also looking forward to seeing my new squeezing pals again. I'll see them tomorrow too, but I imagine I'll see them in my dreams before then...if I ever sleep again.

To Be Continued

I took the day off to attend to some personal business.

First, I took a cue from my long-time blogpal Sling and used my Blooger skills to set up a 'sample' blog that the radio station could use as a newsletter/forum, thus keeping our internal politics off-the-air and off our public website; things that have been a problem for us lately.

Then I spent a long time talking with my grandmother concerning my father's whereabouts- he's been MIA (Missing In Alcohol) for a couple of months now. He had almost 90 days of sobriety but he chose to go back to the bottle.

His last words to his mother:"Say goodbye to the cat for me."

So I did a little sleuthing. Don't ask me how.

I found that Dad's bank and credit card activity ends abruptly on May 7th. This activity is how I used to track him down- back when I still cared enough to bother- it's possible that he figured out that he can be tracked via his plastic and has switched to all-cash, but I think that's unlikely.

The most likely scenario is that he's been dead since May 7th. Or 8th.

It must seem awful cold of me to be able to write about it like that, but that's the way is with alcoholics. I have tried to help him, but he has made his choices and he'll die with them.

I've made my choices too.
My choices are not his choices.
I intend on living with mine.

Anyway, I expect the shit will hit the fan very soon. There's already a considerable amount of fecal turbulence in my neighborhood, so if I'm not around much, don't be alarmed. I'm doing what's needed and I'll be back soon.

Then again, I could post again in an hour.

I honestly don't know what's going to happen, I only know what's NOT going to happen.

-I am NOT going on a wild-goose intervention chase for my AWOL parent.

-I am NOT going to stop playing music, alone or on the radio.

-I am NOT going to quit writing.

-I am NOT going to take a drink.

Not giving in,
Allan