Ungodly Ours

Two miracles to report:

A) My car is on the road again. Repair cost= $0.00. To say more would invite a jinx.

B) There are some things that a gentleman does not blog about. That didn't stop me from phoning a friend in a nearby state and giving her the details though ...I was absently watching football while I was babbling... Cleveland missed a last-second field goal by inches, first it looked good, had distance- 51 yards- then it bumped the vertical post, caromed off the horizontal crossbar , hovered in mid-air for what seemed like minutes and finally fell forward into the end zone, no good...no, they called it back...the judges ruled it first went through the posts, then bounced backwards off the back of the support beam and through them again...good for three points, which tied the game.
Good, no good, good again- it took the officials a looong time to sort it out...I was in the middle of describing my personal "yes/no/maybe/yes" scenario to my friend while this never-before-seen football spectacle unfolded on live TV.

Foreshadowing? We'll see.

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Last night I got an email FWD from God. It seemed that His messenger here at Fallentown-FM would be unable to host this week's Gospel Hour and hey, would I mind coming in an hour early and "getting my praise on?"

My what?

I suspect that God knows I'm an atheist. Perhaps making me do these Gospel shows at 6 am is His way of punishing me...perhaps it's my reward. The view from the top of the dung heap isn't half-bad...I can see my house from there.


Tones Of Gospel, Sunday Nov. 18:


Ray Charles- America the Beautiful
I got to 'sign on' to the public airwaves with Ray Charles singing 'America the Beautiful'.
That's pretty cool.

Aretha Franklin- What a Friend We Have In Jesus
One of my earliest and most memorable erections occurred when I was eleven years old. It was spurred by filmed footage of Aretha Franklin singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Ironic, eh?

Mavis Staples- Wade in the Water
Baptized in a holy font of burnt 7-11 coffee. Ow!

J.D. Steele Singers- How Should I See You Through My Tears?
This is from the soundtrack of The Gospel at Colonus - it was produced by Steely Dan's Donald Fagen - it's quite good. Got eyes? No?
Oh, right...

Johnny Cash- Swing Low, Sweet Chariot
Wow. More Cash to follow.

Sam Cooke- This Little Light of Mine
Eh. Filler.

Mahalia Jackson- Amazing Grace
Mahalia Jackson- Nobody Knows the Troubles
In 2006 I saw a Chicago Library exhibit featuring 'Blues Women'- there were some concert posters on display...man, Mahalia Jackson and Aretha Franklin on the same bill...what a show that must have been.

Clarence Fountain & Blind Boys - Lift Me Up (Like a Dove)
More from Gospel at Colonus...

Bill Anderson- The Rev. Mr. Black
This isn't about the Man in Black. Or is it? It's not.

Soweto Gospel Choir- Paradise Road
This band sure sounds good with coffee and sunrise.

Kitty Wells- Dust on the Bible
This woman sings about entering your house and running a white glove over your Bible, checking up on your piety.
There is a word for women like her- and it ain't 'Wiccan'.

Institutional Radio Choir- Lift Him Up
Great name.

Soweto Gospel Choir- African Dream
I think Jesus would like this band. It's a hope thing.

Loretta Lynn- On The Sweet Bye and Bye
Cash & Carter- Let the Circle be Unbroken
For Mom.
I didn't know I still had so much mourning in me.


Now.
Time to shift gears and do my regular program.

The New Breakfast Snob, Sun Nov. 18th:

Aphrodite's Child- End of the World
This song is describing a place, not an event, but it fits today's theme- whatever that is.
AC once released an album about Satan or something...it had a giant 666 on the cover, back when that still had shock value. I can't remember what that sounded like...this song is kinda wimpy...

Jethro Tull- Wind Up
Only a truly rotten bastard would play this song directly after the Gospel Hour.

Marianne Faithfull- Guilt
I know, I know...I can't help myself. The whole thing is out of my hands by now...what happens next is anyone's guess.

Johnny Cash- Personal Jesus
I may be broke, but I got Cash...there's a Cash song for every occasion.

XTC- This World Over
This sounds like the Police. End times over and out...

Kraftwerk- We Are The Robots
After the humans are gone, the world be controlled by the AI program from Civ IV.
Only then will we know peace.


The Stranglers- Paradise
"I went in search of Paradise, they said it would be good for my head"

The Kinks- Waterloo Sunset
"... they cross over the river... they are in Paradise..."




The Great Society- Grimly Forming
This was Grace Slick's band before Jefferson Airplane.
The song is about war protesters and the soldiers who shoot them...see, back in the 1960's there was this war in a place called the 'Nam...today, only one living person believes that Viet Nam was a 'good' war. Unfortunately, that man is our President.

Arlo Guthrie- Wheel of Fortune
This is for the Twin.

Chris Spedding- Breakout
The more music changes, the more it stays the same.

Pretty Things- There Will Never Be Another Day
When this LP, Emotions, was re-issued on CD, the label included a nice set of bonus tracks- the original LP was 'sweetened' with strings, horns, mellotrons and assorted production clutter intended to boost sales - I like the 'rough' mixes better.
There was another day, it turns out...

The Kinks- Jukebox Music
"It's all because of that music, that we're slowly drifting apart..."

Cocteau Twins- Evangeline
Why do I do this to myself?

Alan Parsons - To One in Paradise
Ah, dream too bright to last!

Damien Dempsey- I Believe in Love
Top 40. Really.

10 CC- Sand in My Face
Don't mock my Cherry Poptart beach towel.



Elvis Costello- Sunday's Best
It's tough on babies everywhere.

Randy Newman- Little Criminals
I bet Randy Newman would've been fun to get wasted with.

Nina Hagen- Lucky Number
Nina Hagen was so much fun to record with that her band recorded the music in Los Angeles and then sent the tapes to Berlin for Nina to finish.
I think she's hot.

Flaming Groovies- Have You Seen My Baby?
Randy Newman wrote this song. And yes, I have. I think she's hot.



Steve Hillage- Light in the Sky
Power chords and flying saucers from former Gongster guitarist. Motivation Radio!

Golden Palominos- Heaven
I should have played this during the Gospel Hour:

it feels good for a minute- all that shoving and shoving
all that screaming and moaning- but it all leads to nothing.
it feels good for a minute- all the promises sighed
all that whispering and crying- all that coming like dying


Genesis- Counting Out Time
...a more light-hearted approach to the same subject.

Neil Young- Welfare Mothers
Wow...you have more problems and less money than I do?
I think I'm in love.
Let's have babies!

Paula Cole - Happy Home

I never knew what to say to anybody,
I didn't know what to do, I was far too young
But everybody could feel the suffocation
Underneath a facade of a happy home

Paw- Seasoned Glove

Oh Daddy, where have your shoes been?
Please say that this is not my fault
Something I did-
You've been gone for such a long time
You've been gone at just the wrong time

Larry Graham- Easy Rider
Fightin' and Shuckin'!

I Just Said "No"

The only thing I fear more than death-by-loneliness is being stabbed to death in my sleep by a deranged girlfriend...no, that's not true. I'd rather be murdered in my sleep than endure a lifetime of bad relationships, so at the moment I am alone. That's a choice. I've actually had several overtures recently but I walked away from them all for reasons ranging from prejudice to self-preservation.

It's amazing how much you can learn about sex by not having it- the absence of humpage seems to encourage thought and reason.
Maybe I'm smarter now.
Or maybe I'm just picky.
Or scared.
Or all of the above.

In any case, I wound up giving my version of The Speech ( Let's Just Be Friends) again lately and it's starting to bother me; I am accustomed to being on the receiving end of The Speech, not to giving it- and after giving it, I realize that no matter how well-intentioned, The Speech has a tendency to be a bit disingenuous. Especially the part about remaining friends.

I have a friend here who drinks. Heavily.
Last winter, she reached out to me for help with the drinking. I can't do anything, I said, that is up to you. All I can do is listen and I will- call me anytime but don't call me if you are drunk.

She didn't call for months.

Then we bumped into each other a while back and started talking , she seemed sincere about quitting, she wanted to talk more, in private.

OK. I am cool with that.

So she invited me to dinner and when I arrived, she stank of vodka. Alcoholics like to think vodka is odorless and hence undetectable, but that is a fallacious assumption. Vodka has a strong odor and anything that's 80 proof will noticeably impair you and this woman was impaired. Wobbly drunk.

I got angry. Usually, it doesn't bother me very much to be around people who are drinking, but this was different- we were supposed to be talking about sobriety, a useless conversation to have with a drunk.

Look. I like you but I can't be around you like this.

Don't you think I'm attractive?

I should have said "no, not at the moment", but I was too nice. She is very pretty and I told her that - the next thing I knew she had slipped her distillery tongue into my mouth.

Aughh!

I swear, I could feel a 'contact drunk' from that stolen kiss. I wanted her (or at least my body did) but I knew what would happen if we slept together- I would convince myself that I was in love with her (I'm not) and try to 'rescue' her, which would fail and lead me back into drinking just so I could be with her.

I know this because I've been through it before.

To repeat my mistakes would be insane, so I did the next craziest thing, which was actually
the only sane option- I gave her The Speech.

Dickless asshole!

It didn't go over well.

Rule #1 : Don't date drunks.

Sub-Rule #1a: Don't date drunks who call you "dickless asshole."

Anyway, I must be putting out major pheromones, because a few days later I was getting a ride home from a woman I don't know very well and she asked me if I wanted to go back to her place and get high- sure, I said, why not?

I know her husband, so I assumed he'd be home and that this was just a social visit- I really should have known better. As soon as we sparked the first joint, she started talking to me about her impending divorce...man, I shoulda seen that coming. I've been there before too.

Most guys would probably have just fucked her and vamoosed, but I am not wired like that. I know what would happen- I'd wind up convincing myself that I was in love and it would end in humiliation and tears when I found out the feeling wasn't reciprocal.

Stupid, but I can't help it. It's how I am. I have an extremely naive and idealized notion of romance- it's as if my emotions stopped growing when I started my drinking career in high school and have only resumed progress now, twenty-odd years later.
I don't know where I get my ideas from- I certainly didn't grow up around well-adjusted relationships- I think my ideals are the merely the reverse of what I saw as a kid.
In my perfect world Daddy comes home at night and Mommy doesn't play with guns.
That's pretty much as far as I get with the details of my expectations.
Useless. Dreamer.
I wonder how many hopeless romantics come from broken homes?
Anyway.

So again with The Speech.

Don't you think I'm attractive?

Yes, yes I do...but I like you too much for this...which was a lie, because I don't know her very well at all. This lie made me feel bad, so I compounded the harm with honesty.

Look, I've been through this before and I'm just not emotionally suited to having affairs. I'll get hurt. You'll get hurt. Stop.

Man, I should have stuck with my lie. To her, I think it sounded like I was confessing to bedding every married woman in Virginia except her, because I somehow found her less attractive than all the other women- which wasn't true at all...I buried myself in a deep verbal hole and handed her the shovel. Instead of a spadeful of soil, she tossed this poisoned rose into my freshly-dug grave:

My husband won't touch me anymore.

Try walking home alone late at night with those words echoing in your head.
On second thought, don't.
It sucks. Take my word for it.

Rule #2: Don't sleep with married women.

Rule #3: Don't be a plot device in someone else's revenge drama.

The third rejection slip was the easiest one. It's much simpler to reject someone if you aren't interested in the first place -a gay acquaintance made an awkwardly polite move on me...dude, that's flattering and all, but I'm not gay. I didn't have to give The Speech at all, I just said "no , thanks."

When I was in my late teens I spent two or three days lost in a New Orleans dungeon.

It was during Mardi Gras and I don't remember how I got in or how I got out , but it did dispel any lingering adolescent doubts I had about my sexual orientation. It's a one-way street.
If a three-day absinthe and cocaine binge in a French Quarter dungeon doesn't bring out any hidden peccadilloes, nothing will.

Still, I thought it was kinda flattering to get hit on- most of the gay guys I know are very particular about appearance, clothes and general hygiene, so being hit on by one must indicate that I'm reasonably attractive, well-dressed and unfunky. That was rarely the case when I was drunk, so I guess I'm making progress.

Progress.

Did I tell you about this girl that I really like?

No?

Good.

Respect My Disbelief

I didn't know it at the time, but in the months preceding my forced hospitalization I did make a few half-hearted and ultimately doomed attempts to "get help" for my drinking.

Jenny was one of those attempts. Jenny was a girl that I worked with during my on-again/off-again temp assignments at Bank of Generica. She was slender and bookish, keeping her long auburn hair in an unfashionable bun and wearing unflattering, baggy clothing with minimal cosmetics.

She looked like the kind of girl who would play Dungeons and Dragons with you- the sort of chick who would allocate more points for her character's Intelligence than for Strength or Charisma.

She wore librarian glasses and sensible shoes.

To me, she was hot. She was real, and it made her the most attractive woman in our department, so I was delighted when she approached me as we were leaving a meeting.

"Do I know you from somewhere? You look very familiar- have we met?", she asked.

For a drunk, this is a tough question to answer. Drunks have bad memories and worse behavior. If she 'knew me from somewhere', it was probably from me being drunk and hitting on her in some stinky-ass rock club.
Perhaps I had sold cocaine to her?
Hmmm...I like this woman. Did I know her?
I wanted to.

"I don't know...are you into the local music scene?"

Maybe she had seen me at a radio-sponsored event. Perhaps she'd even seen me play guitar or bass on-stage!
That would be cool...but the look she gave me indicated that she wasn't aware that there was such a thing as a 'music scene'.

"No...that wouldn't be it. Have I seen you at church?"

"Uh...no, I don't think so."

Church? When was the last time I went to church? I have never attended church in my adult life. I'm sure she hadn't seen me in church.

"Well, it's from somewhere...I feel like I know you..."

She likes me, I thought, but work intervened before I could follow up.

A few days later, we were working together and she picked up our truncated conversation.

"I think I did see you at church."

She named a church. Sure enough, I used to attend AA meetings there when I was on probation, but I didn't want to tell her that.

"Oh, yeah...I have, uh, been there before. It's been a long time, though."

Jenny smiled and said she was glad she figured that out- she'd been thinking about me for several days, it seems. That turned me on. She likes me, tra la la...

We worked together quite well, Jenny was smart and funny and our tedious tasks were not so bad when we did them together- over the course of our talks, I learned that she was into Jazz Dance and liked to write fiction. Cool.

She rarely drank and she didn't do drugs.

I did both daily, but I didn't tell her that.

I didn't want to keep doing those things, I just didn't have a reason to stop. I didn't even know that I wanted to quit- all I knew is that my head was full of really bad ideas and I was desperate for something...but what?

One of my really bad ideas involved Jenny.

I thought that if I could get Jenny to date me, I would find the strength to quit. I would get my courage from her, not from a bottle.
For a woman like Jenny, I believed, I could do anything- including quitting booze.
I hadn't had a significant relationship for years, and the women I did know were at least as drunk and fucked-up as me. Eightballs and benders...I didn't 'date', I binged.

One time, my girlfriend stole all my dope and then tried to sic her half-wolf/half-Shepherd hybrid on me when I demanded the return of my drugs, which she had already sold and shot.
I was the one who usually fed the poor dog-beast, it liked me a lot so it just sat and whined while we fought, but the whole scene was fairly indicative of my success in relationships.

Hey man, can I crash on your couch for awhile?

Why?

My girlfriend threw me out. She tried to attack me with a wolf.

What would happen if I dated a a girl who didn't have a coke dealer on speed dial or a wolf in the backyard?
Maybe if I dated a 'straight' woman, I'd get clean- that was my hope. At least in hindsight, I think that was part of what I was looking for- Jenny was much too bright to date a fuck-up, so I thought maybe she could magically "fix" me just by sleeping with me on a fairly regular interval and doing whatever else it is that people do when they aren't fucking or getting wasted.

That was a false and wholly unfair hope if there ever was one, not to mention a completely ass-backward approach...definitely not a moment of clarity or reason for me. I had completely bottomed-out and didn't even know it.

But the bad idea seemed like a good one at the time.

Of course, first I had to get her to go out with me.

This was really easy to do. A friend of mine was playing at a local Jazz club and I had free admission. When I asked Jenny if she'd like to go, she readily accepted.
She'd been waiting for me to ask. So we went.

We had dinner in the club's quiet dining room- when the waitress cleared our plates, I noticed that I had three empty beer bottles and two shot glasses on my side of the table.

Jenny had consumed about one-third of a glass of wine.
Jenny was aware of this disparity.

"Look, I need to ask you something and you might not like hearing it", she leaned towards me.

"OK."

"How can you be a Seeker if you drink so much? How can you find anything in that condition?"

A Seeker? What is that?

"Um...what's a 'Seeker'?"

"A Seeker of Christ. Of the Truth. I thought that's what you were."

"Uh...well...honestly, I'm not religious..."

Oh no. I can't have this talk right now, I thought. I have too much liquor in me to be tactful and I'm not drunk enough to tell lies. Why is it assumed that I am a Christian? We've never even discussed religion before.

I raised my arm- another beer and a shot over here, please.
I am not ready for this.

"You do believe in God, though. Right? Don't you?"

Make that shot a double!

"Ah...no. I don't."

"What? How can you not believe in God?"

"I just don't...I'm an atheist...or maybe an agnostic. I dunno. I haven't really thought about it much."

This was true and it still is- except for the thinking part. After that night, it occurred to me that I might stand to benefit from giving religion some thought. I figured I 'd better learn enough about it so that the next time a woman asked me if I was a 'Seeker', I'd be able to give the answer that got me laid.

That's how I saw religion. As a tool to be used to coerce others into doing something that they might not otherwise do. A means to power.
Sure, I'll pretend to be a Christian if it means getting laid. Or a raise. Or elected.
Or at least I used to think that way.

After sober reflection, I have no faith that any 'God' exists, but I do believe that using religion as a tool for manipulating people is inherently wrong. It's how wars get started and it's a pretty shoddy foundation for a healthy relationship.

The truth is, I don't really care if there is or isn't a 'God'. It doesn't much matter to me.
I can change myself , but I can't change God. Can I ? Would I even want to?

The beliefs of other's shouldn't be cause for killing.

Does this exchange make sense?:

"Why do we hate them?"

"They worship in an improper fashion."

"How do we know that?"

"Our Book About God tells us that."

"And that is worth killing for?"

"Yes."

"But our God tells us not to kill."

"Die, infidel, die."

It doesn't make sense to me, but it happens every day.

When I was dying, coughing up my shredded guts onto the cold white ER floor, I didn't pray.
I didn't think about God at all. I wanted to live. I was afraid of dying, but not of judgement.
I was bleeding to death and I needed surgery.
God wasn't a part of the decision to go to hospital instead of letting the darkness fall.
Pain was. Fear was. God was not.

Who will feed my cats? I remember thinking about that, but I don't recall saying any prayers .
I remember wanting an ice cube really, really, badly and suddenly feeling quite cold.
No praying.
Whomever said: "there are no atheists in foxholes " was wrong.
I've been in a foxhole of sorts and I didn't convert.

But that was to be in the future.

In the past, I am still talking to Jenny.

All I needed to do was to lie to her and say I believed- and I would have been in her bed, making her cry "Sweet Jesus and Amen, Hally -Yoo-Ha!" all-night long...all I had to do was lie...but I didn't. Looking back, I'm glad I didn't.

"How", she asked, "is it possible to not believe in God? How can you even live like that?"

"Jenny, I really just don't know. I guess I just muddle along. I never really give it much thought."

Jenny was a bit stunned by my revelation.

"You haven't thought about it much? That's not possible."

Maybe I should have lied. She didn't believe the truth. Maybe I should have asked what particular faith she was...not that I much cared. She wasn't a puritan or a tee-totaler, I knew that much.

"Uh...it just doesn't come up much."

This was true, but it wasn't well received by Jenny, who was Seeking Truth.

Jenny took a long sip of her wine and stared at me. She looked stricken. She glanced down at her wine. I thought she was going to gulp the rest of it but she set it down, pushed it aside.

I thought, she's ready to leave and the band hasn't even started yet.
I'm not getting any tonight.

"I respect your beliefs."

That's what she said.

"I respect your beliefs."

It was a concluding statement but I was too drunk to let it go. Mistakes were made.

"You can't respect my beliefs. I don't have any beliefs.
I know things or I don't.
Things are or they aren't.
Whether I believe or not doesn't change reality, so I choose not to believe in anything."

Of course, I was too much of an asshole to keep that belief to myself.

"Are you sober enough to drive me home or do I need to call a cab?"

"I believe that I can drive."

"Liar."

In Search of

Saturday becomes Sunday and I know it's going to be one of those nights.

There will be no sleeping. I have taken as many pills as I feel safe with and they haven't done anything.
I get out of bed at 3:30 AM and make coffee- not so strange considering that I usually get up at 5:30 on Sundays to do my show- when I turn on the radio I hear the same goddamned Mix Loop that was playing last week- it's what plays when the 3am-6am DJ doesn't show up. Drums n' Bass 180 BPM headache, I can't even shave with it playing, much less think.

Well, if I don't like what's on the radio, why don't I change it?
Good question!

I get dressed, grab some extra records and head to the station to do exactly that.


PART ONE- 5am - 6am:

Gong -Vive Gong, Gong est Mort - Sides A and D
I have some wiring to work on and it's much easier to work when there's no one else in the building- I put a record on each turntable and attempt to 'un-spaghetti' the cables behind the console. This is probably the best Gong record ever released, it's gets me into my zone.

Atomic Rooster W/ David Gilmour- Hold Your Fire
This isn't as good as I was hoping- I have a Pretty Things CD from around the same period (2001?) that also features Gilmour and he's not especially good on either one.
Oh well, it's 5:45 am and it sounds OK to me.

Cop Shoot Cop- Last Legs
I love this band. This is not a very nice song. Too bad.

Hawkwind -Master of the Universe
I think this is the first song that I ever learned how to play on bass. One of my bands used to do a cover of this and I was always too stoned to recall the lyrics, which was OK - "the winds of time are blowing through me/It's all a figment of my mind", it always worked out somehow. We used to play at parties in Park City,Utah - mushroom tea was served at the door, so we could be a little sloppy, if you know what I mean.

Billie Holiday- Lady Sings the Blues/Come Rain or Come Shine
I love Billie, but have a hard time working her into my regular show. There's a Gospel DJ coming in at 6AM, so I start toning it down with that it mind.

Anuna - Invocation
This Celtic choral ensemble are the second-closest thing to Gospel that I ever play...Hawkwind's Live- Space Ritual being the closest. (That and Aretha Franklin)

The 6 o'clock guy is here now:

"Dude! What are you doing here? Was that you playing all that space-warp music?"

"Well, I took a couple Ambien, went to sleep and when I woke up , I was here, playing records."

This is true- except for the sleeping part. I drive to a 24 hour pancake joint and have breakfast during my one-hour intermission. Mmmmaple syrup...mmmmaple syrup...
I'm tired.
Can I get two large coffees to go?

What, you don't have large cups?

Make that four coffees to go then.


PART TWO:
Spoon- Believing is Art
If there is Spoon that I don't like, I haven't heard it yet. The title of this track says it all.

Thin Lizzy -Johnny
This is what happens when I have too much time on my hands...there is exactly ONE person that knows why I'm playing this song. I'm hoping that they are in the audience, thinking: " He is playing it just for me!", because in this case, it's true. Plus I like Phil Lynott, he's seriously under-rated. Irish rockers rule!

10 CC- Worst Band in the World
Godley and Creme make me laugh...but they weren't even close to being the worst band in the world.

Uriah Heep- Roller
This is as close to the worst band in the world as I feel like getting. They aren't the worst, but 10CC was better.

Funkadelic- Cosmic Slop
Oh man, I was watching an interview with Bootsy Collins, he was talking about playing with James Brown and how you gotta get it on the 'one'- ONE 2,3,4 -ONE, 2,3,4...this, for me, is a very suitable Mother's Day song.
"I can hear my mama call, I can hear my mama call"

Ray Manzarek- Bicentennial Blues (Love it or Laeve it)
This is starting to become my favorite album of all-time. I bought it thirty years ago and it just keeps getting better. At the end of this song, Ray slips the organ riff from "Light My Fire" into the vamping...did he used to play in some famous band?
(You may gaze upon the fish-eyed majesty of Ray Manzarek's superlative sideburns here)
"Guess I'd better get out"

King Crimson- Heartbeat
I saw this tour. It was awesome...the contrast in style between Fripp and Belew was a joy to behold- Fripp sitting on a stool, staring at his floor pedals; Belew up front , whanging his twanger...ahhh, you shoulda been there.

Fiona Joyce- Cry Over You
I wrote about this song last week. Today, it reminds me of someone that I used to know.
No more tears, but I wonder: where are you?
People are looking for you.

Led Zeppelin- Ten Years Gone
Ten Years After-Once There Was a Time
For Mom.


The Wipers- Window Shop For Love
"I feel like a piece of cold ice forming inside a chamber of lost illusions...maybe the ground below will ease the pain- a perfect landing might just ease the pain, ease the pain, ease the pain...loneliness is such a drag"
Next Valentine's Day, I'm putting this song on a loop and playing it for 24 hours. Actually, I probably won't do that, but there was a time when I would have.

Hey, I left my Gmail chat open and one of my favorite bloggers (semi-retired) has tuned in!

"Play Misty for me", she asks, a request that I cheerfuly deny. I don't have the Kinks song she wants either- I usually do, but not today dammit!- but I must admit being called 'Mr. Fantasy' is kinda sweet.
I'll find something for ya...doing dishes, are we?
Gotta find something bouncy...

Joe Jackson- Sunday Papers
Oh yeah! Bouncy, subversive and it mentions Sunday. This could be my show's theme song!

XTC- My Weapon
I have no idea what this song is about.

Bill Nelson's Red Noise- Substitute Flesh
Does this relate to the preceding song or the one following? I don't know what it's about either. The word 'penetration' is used a lot.

The Kinks- Artificial Man
Need Kinks? I got Kinks.

Jethro Tull- Too Old To Rock& Roll, Too Young To Die
Yeah, I used to think that too.

Frank Zappa/Capt. Beefheart- Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy
This song makes me think about The Liberator.
"She put a Doobie Brothers tape on/ I had a Roger Daltrey cape on"

Flaming Groovies- Teenage Head
One of the best rock and roll records of all time.

Eleni Mandell- Dreamboat
If Tom Waits was a female punk rock caberet torch singer, he might sound like Eleni Mandell.

Eleanor Shanley- Road To Glory
Did you know Dublin was founded by Vikings? It was.

Nina Hagen - White Punks On Dope
Pure guilty pleasure- a Teutonic Tubes Tantrum! I love this! I think I'm the only one who does, but it's my show. Suffer! Love that guitar at the end...

Gary Numan- Film
Gary was singing about YouTube before it existed. Gary was way ahead of his time.

Wire- Ambitous
Wire were way ahead of their time.

Damien Dempsey- Celtic Tiger
Damien, where are my CD's? I wrote such a nice letter...well, if he won't send them to me for free, I'll buy them. New and at the 'import' price. I like the guy's work that much.

Paw- Seasoned Glove
I finish my Mother's Day show with a song about the world's worst father. Mom would be proud.

Saved By The Bell

The robots have taken control of the station. In the movies there's always a kid genius who hacks into the network and saves the day at the last minute. Where is that kid now? I ain't him.

Band De Soleil- Woman on the Floor
This song is twelve minutes long, which makes it a great one for playing when things are breaking down.
Michelle Malone makes her guitar weep in the language of wah and I wish I could play this song louder but I'm busy troubleshooting...I'm forced to call outside help and that is not something I am used to doing or enjoy much. A phone call is made and order is restored during D. Bigay's drum solo. Anyway, I'm listening to it now because I missed it on Sunday.

Replacements - Kick Your Door Down
Having to deal with misbehaving computers at 6:30 am pisses me off and makes me wanna play my punk rock records. "Your radio is playing way too loud and it don't sound like me!"
Goddammit, it should sound like me! Turn that shit UP.

The Kinks- This is Where I Belong
I need this song to help get me back in the here. It's not long enough. Close.

Pretty Things- Passion of Love
This isn't even the song I wanted to play. I wanted to play Not Givin' In...fuck, this new song sounds like the Pretties circa 1965- not 2000ish. I liked them best in 1968-1971.

Jefferson Airplane- Feel So Good
This is from an Airplane LP but it's really just Hot Tuna in disguise. Go, Jorma, go!

Television- Friction
Many years ago, the bar I worked at had enough musicians employed to form a cover band for the X-mas party. One of the other guitarists chose this song- I was just a beginner and the guy gave me a copy of the LP Marquee Moon. I was advised to listen. I did. I still have that LP. Just played it...
"I start to spin the tale/ you complain of my dick -shun/
You give me friction/F-R-I-C-T-I-O-N"
(thank you Billy- wherever you are)

Lou Reed - Nowhere at All
I'm still in a sour mood and need this sort of song to settle me down by pumping me up- I goddamn love Lou Reed..."somebody's got to help me".

Damien Dempsey- Marching Season
Am I the only American who knows who this guy is? He's fookin' great and if you have an 8am mad-on at the world, then this is the perfect song for you. Honk!

Jethro Tull- Acres Wild
Today I skipped work and got a copy of my birth certificate, which is required to obtain a passport, which I will need if I ever want to see what Ian Anderson is singing about. And I do.

Clannad- Struggle
Isn't it a struggle? Of course it is. So what? Play on.

Fairport Convention- Walk Awhile
Tomorrow my car goes into the garage for inspection and a (hopefully) minor repair.

The Stranglers- Who Wants the World?
Fuck, I don't know. I live inside my head.

Manzanera/Eno/801 Live- Miss Shapiro/ You Really Got Me
One of the best unknown live albums ever.Brian Eno singing the Kinks...this came out before that Van Halen silliness.

Gentle Giant- As Old As You're Young
Are you as old as you seem? You are? Excellent.

Genesis- Lilywhite Lilith
"The chamber was in confusion.." are the first words to this song- it's what I thought of when I walked into the studio this morning- took me a while to get it cued, but the fade segued perfectly into the chanting at the beginning of the next song, an accident of fortune, or something more?

Loreena McKinnett- The Mystic's Dream
Gorgeous. Calms me down, gotta make some announcements...let's pick up the pace.

Chris Spedding- Breakout
"When the music breakout..." Doin' the slow-pogo (slogo) around the booth, don't wanna make the record skip..."we've been psychedelicized/ we've had our booties re-fried"

Joe Strummer- Get Down Moses
This is on CD so I can jump up and down as much as I want to, which is a lot.

Hawkwind- D Rider
Whoa...I can still feel the acid I took back in 1984...this album was old then. Being able to play this on the air is a truly sublime thrill for me.

Can - Dizzy Dizzy
Yeah, back to my theme of spontaneous disorientation...man, I just can't quite click. My clever ad libs turn to gibberish- luckily, it all makes sense in the context of Can.

Steve Hillage- Unidentified Flying Being
Gong- I Never Glid Before
Steve's a saucer nut and Gong have an entire mythology of their own, complete with Pot-Head Pixies and Teapot Taxis so pretty much anything I say about them sounds crazy...in a very good way. Steve Hillage was THE Gong guitarist...Alan Holdsworth might've been the better player, but Hillage had the sound. I'll take the sound.

Klaatu- Calling Occupants...
What the hell made me play this? I remember someone telling me this band was the Beatles in disguise...turns out it was some studio hacks from Canada. I think that Captain and Tennille or maybe the Carpenters (or both?) covered this song. No matter who played it, it's annoying the shit out of me.

Blue Oyster Cult- Kick Out The Jams
Dammit, this is more like it! Sure wish I still had my MC5 vinyl.

Be-Bop Deluxe- No Train to Heaven
Bill Nelson is so, like, totally underrated...he's tried all sorts of styles- even wearing makeup like Bowie- but nothing hides the fact that he's a guitar nut at heart. Dude likes to solo- as well he should.

Bob Dylan- Long Distance Operator
PJ Harvey- Send His Love To me
You either get this or you don't. I'm hoping that you do.

Talking Heads- Paper
I think this song is about my friend X's new dog and his attempts at house-breaking it.
"don't think I can get it- on the paper/ don't think I can fit it - on the paper"
Dude. Some things they pass right through.

Anyway, my show was a mess and I left feeling all scrambled,it was only 9AM, but it set my tone, so to speak...I was in a jumbled funk all day. I played guitar, tried to blog, took a long walk...nothing helped. It was just one of those long, useless days.

This feeling carried over into this morning. I just couldn't function at all.

I could barely manage to call in sick.

When I hung up, I felt better. I really do think my (paying) job is very bad for my mental health...hanging in for now...anyway, I didn't want to waste today. Yesterday was bad enough.

One of the good/bad things about being a (unpaid) DJ/Programmer is having to review CD's. We get a LOT of CDs at the station and someone has to listen to them, evaluate the songs and make suggestions (if any) on what to play. Sometimes this is great fun and sometimes it is sheer torture, but it needs doing.

I think I'm the only DJ we have that delves into Celtic music, so I wound up with a stack of "Celtic Journeys" CD's in my box. Hmmm...stock photography on the covers, looks like it's being marketed to New Age Soccer Moms, this doesn't look like it's going to make my goat float, if you know what I mean.

Surprisingly, I was able to find at least one decent song on each CD- except the one called "An Instrumental Journey" , which, were it a screenplay, would likely be written by Alan Smithee. In the UK, an elevator is referred to as a "lift". That CD is "lift" music. Ugh.

One CD featured a song called Cry Over You by Fiona Joyce, whom I had never heard of
before. It's the last track on the last CD I reviewed and it made the whole ordeal worthwhile.
Ms. Joyce is a beautiful singer and this song is a heart-breaker for sure, but what really turned me on- what made me save the song as a .wav file and not as an mp3- was the sound of the cymbals, the uncredited drummer's touch on the bell of the cymbal is captured perfectly, changing just so , following the words...a drum machine can't do that.

Beautiful.

It was worth listening to four hours of Druid Muzak to get to that bell. That bell was ringing for me.
I needed it and there it was.

Magic.

Meanwhile...

It's really hard to type with that thing sitting up there.